On The Road With Danny Concannon: Series '03'04
by Ms.M
Summary: COMPLETE: Wonder what Danny Concannon is up to? A look at what Danny is doing where the camera's don't shine: DannyCJ: Season fiveStory complete
1. New York: DEC

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Warner Bros Television and so forth. A few are my own creation.

**ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY CONCANNON: O3'04**

A Trave log: DEC-MAY

"Some folks are born made to wave the flag, ooh, they're red, white and blue.

And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief", oh, they point the cannon at you,

Lord, It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son, It ain't me, it ain't me,

I ain't no fortunate one, no,"

**FORTUNATE SON** John C, Fogerty

This series covers Danny Concannon and the reason's he's not at The White House: Season Five

* * *

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **New York**

**Title:** "Denise Demarco"

**Spoilers:** None

**Companion Episode: **None

* * *

"Hey, Danny," Barry's assistant said in her New York Brooklyn tones, as she entered her boss's office. She paused to take a look at the reporter sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on another.

"Hey, Denise," Danny said without looking at her, his eyes glued to his television broadcast of CJ's press conference, and his fingers preoccupied in a bag of cheetos.

"Barry said I could use his office," Danny spoke as he popped a cheeto in his mouth. "Oh come on," Danny yelled at the TV with the food still in his mouth. "Don't ask that!" Danny swallowed and laughed. "She's totally playing you." Danny laughed again.

"Don't you have your own office?" She teased him setting her box of files on Barry's desk.

"Yeah, it's in Washington." Danny threw another cheeto in his month. "Yeah right!" he yelled at the screen.

"So, why are you here all the time." Denise put her finely manicured fingers on her hip causing her large green bracelet to fall forward.

"I'm a reporter Denise."

"Well, I don't see you do' in any reportin'-"

"I'm waiting on a lead, a guy's supposed to call me."

"And that's why you've been hanging around - for like a month—."

"Come on Denise, you know you like having me around -"

"Better than having the boss around," she smirked. "I have to organized some papers for him, ya mind I do it in here? My desk's too small."

"Nay, Nay go a head." He waved her off still watching the TV. Danny popped another cheeto in his month.

Denise began to open the files and placed the papers on her boss's desk. She looked up at the TV to see what Danny was watching.

"You like watch this show twenty four seven- what...? You got a crush on her or somethin'?" She spoke sarcastically not knowing she had hit the nail on the head.

Danny stopped eating and swung around to look at her.

"You do, don't you," she said satisfied she had struck a nerve with him.

Danny said nothing and looked back at the TV. Denise smirked and walked around the desk to Danny.

"Who is she?" Denise said slyly taunting Danny and taking another look at the TV.

"You don't know who she is? That's CJ Cregg."

"CJ Cregg? Sounds like a man. That's a women's name - who's CJ Cregg?"

"It stands for Claudia Jean-"

"What, she southern?"

"- She's the White House Press Secretary—" Danny couldn't believe how ill informed she was.

"Oh," Denise felt embarrassed. "Oh yeah. I see a little White House behind her." She pointed toward the TV.

"You know, Denise you work for the man who runs the New York bureau of the Washington Post—maybe you should, I don't know, read it once in a while—"

"Funny, Funny." Denise went back to her work, but couldn't keep the idea off her mind. "So how ya know her?"

"I'm a White House correspondent."

"So, why aren't you there?"

"Because my story's here?"

"But you just said you're a White House Reporter?"

"I go where the stories are—"

"Ok, that makes sense—" she said sarcastically to herself. "So, what she doesn't dig ya, huh?"

"What?" Danny turned his head to ask her.

Denise walked over to Danny again. "Dig ya? She's not in ta ya?"

Danny looked back at the screen. Denise walked closer to Danny and stood in front of his feet. Danny was mesmerized by CJ on the screen.

"Unrequited and all that?" She looked at his face.

Danny didn't say anything at first. "She's The Press Secretary. I'm a reporter—." Danny was finding ways to answer the question without lying. It was hard to lie about CJ. Still he wanted to protect her. He of course had not problem with the idea of having a relationship with CJ, but he knew CJ did.

Denise wasn't buying it as she saw Danny's fixation on the screen. "No one looks at a women like that with out they're being more—."

Danny knew he was caught. "You can't tell Barry?—"

"She likes you—?" Dense had a huge smile on her face and hit Danny in the arm. "I won't tell anyone." She paused, sitting on the edge of the chair Danny had his feet propped on. "Why aren't you together?" she whispered. Danny opened his month not knowing how to get out of this one. "If you tell me I won't tell Barry?"

There was a moment of silence as Danny thought of his predicament. He was stuck.

"Ok, Fine." Danny lowered his head and back up again feeling weary. "Close the door."

Denise did what she was told and closed the door causing the room to loose some of it's light.

"So you together? Not together? What's the scoop?" She walked closer to Danny as she spoke.

Danny looked at CJ on the screen and back at Denise. "We're not together."

"She said no."

"She said no—"

"Why?"

"Because it's a conflict of interest—"

"-Because you're trying to get the goods on the people she's protecting-."

"Well, not in so many words-." Danny stopped for a moment. "But I guess something like that—"

"-Wow, how romantic—."

"It's not as romantic when you're in it."

"So, what? She told ya to get out of her face? She won't speak to ya?"

"No. We're good friends. We're good friends."

"It's too much for ya, huh? That's why you're here?"

Danny thought for a moment. "Maybe that's part of it—I don't know. Maybe somewhere deep in side. But I go where the stories are. When I need to I'll be back."

"So I guess not being a reporter is out of the question? Like, you could take a job like Barry's."

"I'm a reporter - it's who I am. I can't sit by and watch people getting the stories—" He looked at CJ on the TV. "It's just not in me."

"But you love her." She paused, as Danny said nothing. "Don't ya?"

Danny took a moment as he gazed at CJ and than looked at Denise "Yeah," he said softy. "Yeah I do."

"Talk about your conflict of interest." Denise joked it off.

"Yeah. Tell me about it," Danny said sarcastically looked back at the TV.

"You're really a sweet guy, ya know that?" She smiled sweetly.

"Thanks..." Danny took it as a compliment but its sounded to him as much of a complement as, "I just want to be friends."

"No, really. I mean that." She stood up. "I thought that ever since I met you. You got those eyes. Those nice guy eyes. I've met a lot of jerks - pretty much dated them all - so I know what I'm talkin' about. You got that sweetness. You'd treat a girl right."

"Well, thanks." Danny looked up at the 5'8 Denise and her short shirt, which made her legs look even leggier than they were. She had a look on her face Danny wasn't sure how to take. She walked over to the window leading into the outer office and closed the blinds.

'Is there a glare on the television?" she asked pursing her lips.

"Yeah, that's good thanks."

"She's cute?" Denise walked closer to Danny.

"Yeah..." Danny looked at the TV.

Denise walked between Danny and the second chair causing his legs to fall to the floor.

"So, you're not with her and she can't be with you, right?"

"Yeah?" He looked up at her. " Denise—"

"Shh..." Denise put her finger to his lips. "Did I mention I though you were pretty cute yourself?"

Denise leaned in and kissed Danny. Danny didn't put up a fight. She pulled back and Danny placed his hands on her thighs. She kissed him again, climbing on top of him, her fingernails spreading over the back of his head. But Danny stopped. He heard CJ's voice. Permeating through the television speakers he heard CJ's laugh, and her speech, and he stopped.

Denise knew what was wrong. She knew, but she was still disappointed. She lifted her head just enough to show the television, and CJ' face, between them and Danny's lowered head.

Denise looked over at the TV and back at Danny. She leaned back. "You really do love her don't you?"

"I'm sorry—"

Denise kissed him on the forehead and lifted her legs off Danny. She walked toward the desk shifting her skirt down to its original position.

"I can do this outside." She took the box off Barry's desk and walked toward the door.

"It's not you Denise-" Danny looked her in the eyes as she reached the doorway.

"I know. I have a killer body, Danny... so it's got to be you." She smiled and Danny knew it was ok. "You stay in here all you want. I'll be outside if you need anything. And Danny—?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry - you and Claudia Jean's secret is safe with me."

She walked out and closed the door

Danny lowered his head covering half the television from view. He leaned back in his chair, feeling frustrated with himself and heart broken, revealing the screen, leaving the final word as usual to CJ

"And that's a full lid."


	2. Paris: JAN

ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY CONCANNON:** PARIS**

**Title:** "To Claudia Jean on her 39th Birthday"

**Companion Piece:** None

* * *

"Yeah, hey Maisy. Yeah I need you do me another favor. Yeah I got that copy Thanks. Keep 'um coming. Call Howard's, the florist on Potomac. I want purple orchids and peach flowers sent to CJ Cregg. No, not at the White House. Her apartment. I have the address here—it's here somewhere. You know what find out for me would you? It's in Georgetown I don't know the zip - yeah, yeah. The card. Have it say - Happy Birthday - Yeah that's it." He hung up the phone.

"Happy Birthday Claudia Jean," he spoke softly to himself.

* * *

It was a hard day and seeing the clock flash 3am wasn't what CJ wanted to see. She should have just slept at work, but something in here wanted to feel her tired feet on her blue cotton sheets. Just because it's your 39th birthday that doesn't mean the country stopped being won - it was a typical birthday for Claudia Jean. Like the last two Josh and Toby wanted to take her out for drinks, but something came up and her birthday was spent in briefings and memos. Toby gave her a beautiful necklace, an amethyst, Josh a book of her favorite poems, the President a book of Latin poems, Abby a bottle of scotch, and Donna a locket for remembrances.

CJ read the card on the flowers and smiled. Danny had remembered. What a sweet and wonderful man he was. She always tried to forget that but he crept back into her consciousness. CJ opened her door and set the flowers under water before and placed them in a vase they were better suited for. CJ slipped off her shoes and smelled the flowers. She took her gifts and placed them on the table. CJ took Donna's locket and read the inscription: "To CJ with love." Just then a flower from the orchard fell to the kitchen table. CJ opened the locket and placed the petal in the locket and shut the locket closed.

It was time for CJ to go to bed. She had to be up again in three hours. CJ left her kitchen with the locket still clutched in her hand.


	3. Munich:FEB

ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY CONCANNON: **MUNICH**

**Title:** "Danny Concannon Left A Message."

**Spoilers and Companion Piece**: THE WARFARE OF GENGHIS KHAN. 5.13

* * *

Danny played with the phone cord of his hotel room phone. He paced back and forth waiting for the White House operator to connect him. On the other end Carol picked up the phone.

"White house Press office." Carol spoke with delight.

"Hey there, Carol!" Danny's soft tones caressed Carol's ear.

"Danny!" Carol said with glee. She stood up and looked around for her boss who had just left.

"She in?" Danny put some papers in his overnight bag.

"No, you just missed her. Where are you? We miss you?"

"We-?"

"Well I can't speak for any one other than myself-." She hinted.

Carol wondered if she should tell Danny about CJ's Ex - the one who was always calling. Carol wasn't supposed to know the way Danny and CJ cared for each other, but she could see they made each other happy. It was none of her business, but she saw it in their eyes. She knew her boss well, and Carol liked Danny; He was fun. There was something between them and if she could help it along Carol would. In her own way of course, because CJ had accused Carol of putting them together, and CJ didn't like that. She just wanted CJ to be happy. Carol decided it would just be odd and awkward to say anything.

It was Carol's job to be CJ's assistant, which meant being her second hand, letting her know about phone calls and keeping her business private. What bugged Carol was the fact that since CJ wouldn't talk to this Ben guy Carol was the one who had to be annoyed by his phone calls. All CJ had to do was tell him to bug off and stop taking up Carol's time with his calls and be done with it. Of course this call she didn't mind. If only her boss was around.

"Yeah, well—" Danny joked, but went on to the business at hand. "I'm on my way to catch a flight—Take down a message for me will ya?" Danny took his jacket out of the closest.

"Yeah." Carol took a pen and small paper off her desk.

"You ready?" Danny threw his jacket on his bed.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

"Ok. Here's my message—" Danny laughed at what he was about to do. He found his taunting of CJ very amusing. "Bawk!" Danny squawked like a chicken into Carol's ear. It had passion, it had enthusiasm and he continued it three more times in succession. "Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!" Carol couldn't help but laugh holding it in with more of a smirk and lowering of her head. "You got that?," Danny said in his normal voice. Even on the other end of the phone Carol knew Danny was smiling.

"Yeah, I got that. That's it?"

"That's it." Danny laughed. "She'll know what it means?"

"Yeah, I think I do too." Carol laughed having seen CJ's press conference and having a computer in which to roam the net.

"I got to go Carol."

"Yeah."

"See ya soon Carol."

"Bye Danny."

Carol hung up the phone on her end as did Danny on his. In Washington, Carol smirked thinking how Danny's Concannon's sense of humor was missed around her parts, even if his name never came up. She felt like her boss hardly smiled anymore. Now, how would she give her boss this message Carol thought?

In Munich, Danny hung up the phone smiling to himself imagining CJ's face as Carol gave her the message. Danny walked past the bed and grabbed his jacket, his coat from the chair and his bag and laptop from the door, on his way to a new stop and destination.


	4. Mexico City: FEB

ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY CONCANNON: **MEXICO CITY**

**Title:** "Instant Karma"

**Spoilers:** THE WARFARE OF GENGHIS KHAN & AN KH

**Companion Piece:** An Khe** 5.14**

* * *

"Hey Maisy." Danny spoke relaxed sitting on a bench in Mexico City. He felt the sun beaming down on him. "Thanks for sending me that copy of the Taylor Reed Show. Yeah, it was pretty funny." He laughed and listen to the other end of the conversation. "She's going on again? Yes, send me that I don't know when I'll be near a cable satellite for a while." Danny looked around. "Yeah I got that too—Maziy I want you set something up for me. Call Howard's florist on Potomac. Send one of those gift packets and a stuffed chicken-yeah a stuffed Chicken. One of those plush things. I'm sure they have them-go buy one if you have to. That's the most important thing. Oh, and make it as big as you can find it." He waited a moment. "Got that." He listened again. "Yeah, write. A few chicken noises on the note-no I don't know how to spell them, however you write chicken noises. Yeah. Send it to the white house"

Danny heard his bus being called. He grabbed his bag and walked toward the bus.

"Yeah. Great. Get on that." Danny slapped his sliver phone closed and slipped it into his overnight bag.

He made his way onto the grimy and dusty bus on his way to the outer reaches of the country. It was a total clique of what one might thing such a bus looked like. It looked straight out of Indiana Jones with its all incumbent yellows and beige tones. Danny found a seat and already had to wipe the sweat from his for head and neck.

"Was that a chicken?" Danny thought to himself as something flew past him. Not so much as flew but pasted him with great speed. He was seeing things.

Danny looked to his side to see a man with a chicken in a cage making its usual sounds. Then the one he had seen before scared the hell out of Danny as it fell in his lap. Danny screamed out of surprise before the chicken jumped off toward its owner. Danny burst in to a joyous laugher. Perhaps CJ or karma was getting him back.

* * *

"AHH!" CJ yelled as the largest stuffed chicken she had ever seen sat on her desk scarring her half to death. It was so large one might thing Gail would have suffocated.

CJ held her hand below her neck when Carol walked up behind her.

"Oh no." Carol's face lowered. CJ, not at all happy, walked into her office and read the card. "Who's it from?" Carol asked

It's from Danny!" CJ spoke in brazen tones. Carol tried not to laugh. "It's not funny Carol."

"But it so is?"

'So is not having a job." CJ wasn't kidding. Teasing was lost on her theses days. Carol said nothing.

"Good."

"It is kind of funny?"

"It's not funny-Have this thing taken away—." CJ walked out of her office followed by Carol who wrote a note to herself on her pages of notes.

"Yes."

"I'm gonna kill him Carol." CJ fumed.

"First you have to find him!" Carol yelled as she followed her boss in quick pursuit.

* * *

In Mexico, 43 year old, Danny Conconnon napped on a haystack in the back of a truck. The chicken close in toe.


	5. Toronto: FEB

ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY CONCANNON: **TORONTO**

**Companion Piece to: **An Khe 5.14

**Title:** "Josh Lyman White house .gov "

* * *

In Toronto Danny walked to the check in desk and checked himself into the busy hotel room. He could hear the footsteps on the marble floor as they echoed their the atrium and blended with the fail of the small man made water fall.

"Danny Concannon." He spoke adjusting his carry on bag on his right shoulder. "Checking in."

* * *

It was late and not many people were around except for the usual. Josh Lyman walked in his usual pace into his office, hitting the doorway on his way, biting down on his lower lip like he had an agenda. Outside his office Donna was busy with what ever Josh had told her last to do. What he couldn't remember, but it was something. He sat himself down at his desk in his low-lit office. Something about harsh light at night made his office look more and more like a prison or school house hall way. Josh opened his email, going directly to his address book taking out the address: . Josh needed a favor.

* * *

Danny set up his laptop first before he did anything in a hotel room. Much like a smith and Weston of times gone past it was his life force and center of all his life and trips. The computer made its usual noises and opened up onto his welcome page. Danny had an email. The email was from Josh Lyman. Danny sat down to inspect the letter.

(Danny Concannon) Concannond Washpost . com

From: (Joshua Lyman) Joshlyman Whitehouse. gov.

Hey Danny,

Hope your well? Listen, I need a favor from you. What do you know about Ken O'Neal?

Will be forever in your debt-well not forever.

Josh

Ps. where the hell are you now?

* * *

Josh looked up into space, well the space of his office with his chair sidewise in parallel to his desk. He took a breath and stood.

"Donna!" He yelled walking toward the door. His computer beeped showing he had a message. Josh's attention changed toward the computer.

"Never mind!" He looked toward his desk, circling it, and sitting down.

"What?," Donna asked at the door.

"Never mind," he waved her off.

"Ok?" She walked away puzzled.

Josh opened his email box, and as he had thought, it was a letter from Danny.

Hey there yourself Josh,

Not much. I probably know as much as you do. It does not look good. I know he's a friend of Leo's. I'm sorry. Last post we had on the story was from Alicia Noble. If I hear anymore I'll give you the heads up before it goes to print.

I'm up in Toronto right now. Why, I can't tell you? Read it tomorrow. It's good.

-Danny

Ps. How's CJ?

* * *

Josh read the email and hit reply.

"Thanks Danny. Toronto eh?" Josh wrote. He paused. "Was that a good joke?,' Josh thought and really pondered "Yeah, it's Danny," he thought to himself again letting it stay.

"Let me know when your coming back to town?" Josh wrote. He took a moment and wrote the line." And CJ"

Josh looked up, and out his door, to see CJ arguing with Carol through a few plates of glass. The noise had taken him from the email. She didn't look happy. In fact no one looked happy around this place lately, especially CJ. Were they all getting jaded he feared, tired and warn out by it all. "No," He shrugged it off. But something was up with CJ. It was like she had gone to the Deli with Toby and said, "I'll have what he's having."

Josh watched CJ walk out view with Carol close behind. Josh returned to the email and his beginning of a line: And CJ.

Josh placed his finger on the backspace and deleted the J, followed by the C, followed by the D, and the N, and finally the A.

"How's CJ?" He wrote. "I think you should ask her yourself?" he wrote with no intention of malice. Josh signed his name.

Josh hit send and made sure to delete Danny's email from his hard drive.

Josh walked over to his office door that connected to CJ's.

"Come in." CJ answered flatly to Josh's knock. Josh opened his door and leaned in the doorway.

"We haven't opened theses in a while." Josh asked with real purpose and whimsy.

CJ never looked up keeping her eyes on business. "That's because he was too much like an episode of The Love Boat." CJ placed the paper she was looking at over and next to her setting her attention on the next.

"CJ—?"

"Yeah," CJ still didn't look up.

"You want to come get a cup of coffee with me?"

"I got this work to do—."CJ circled something and continued reading.

There was a pause as CJ continued to ignore Josh.

Josh folded his arms. "CJ, you all right?" He looked at her, like his words, with real concern and worry.

CJ must have sensed this because she took off her glasses and looked at Josh. Maybe she was just surprised he asked her such a question.

"Yeah? I'm fine."

Josh nodded his head as CJ continued giving him a question mark face.

"Ok."

CJ nodded her head and went back to her work.

"I'll be here if you need me."

"Yeah ok." CJ didn't look at him. "Shut the door will you?" CJ motioned with her hand, but never gave Josh her eyes. Josh looked back one last time as he exited CJ's office for his and closed the door behind him. His face was a look of puzzlement, trying to put his finger on something. Josh put his hands in his pockets hoping Danny would do what he had told him. Maybe she would talk to him.

* * *

Danny Concannon stopped his work after a long train of thought had passed and opened his email from Josh. He read the email and focused for moments on the words, "ask her yourself." Danny knew Josh meant no malice. He knew what Josh meant. Danny deleted Josh's email and continued his story. By midnight's past Danny posted his story and turned his computer from blue to black. Danny couldn't get himself to call CJ with out a reason. It only made seem to be more vulnerable to her. He wasn't ready to do that yet.


	6. New York: Back Again:

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **New York: Again**

**Title: **"Back In NYC"

**Spoilers**: POSSE COMITATUS season three

**Companion Piece:** None

* * *

"You had a dream about her again?," asked the voice in the darkness.

"Yeah," Danny sat, lying on the leather couch. "I always dream about her."

"But, this was different?"

"Not, different." He paused. 'Just vivid," he looked for more words.

"I thought I was finally-I don't know—they weren't as frequent-that real—and now their back."

"And how does that make you feel?," The man asked.

"Okay, I can't do this Peter." Danny sat up on the couch. "This is just too weird. You're my college roommate!"

"You said you needed to talk to someone?," Peter asked with the wining of a great friend.

"I know." Danny took a look at the Notre Damn diploma and medical degree on the wall.

"Danny, you to need to talk to someone." Danny was silent. "I know a good guy in DC."

Danny groaned and walked toward the window. "Good guy, went to school with him, helped Josh Lyman after he was shot."

"Josh?" Danny looked toward his friend as Peter handed a paper in his direction. "I'm never in DC enough."

"Take the number Danny."

"I'll talk to you."

"You just said you can't talk to me—it's too weird!"

"Yeah, yeah."

There was a pause as Danny watched the snow fail down on the New York sidewalk.

"How long are you in town?"

"A few days. Once the snow clears up I'm off to Germany."

"Ahh."

"I missed the snow in the Washington. Never did that before. It makes the capital so white. It's all white. It's amazing."

Peter let Danny take a silence.

"Why was the dream different?," he said softy.

"It was different."

"Were you making love to her?"

"Yes."

"Do you always? In the dreams?"

"No. Sometimes we just talk."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really?"

"Your still in love with her?-"

"Yes."

"And you can't shake it? Still?"

"Yeah, I try and I think I do- and I can't."

"Is that why you're away—away from DC."

"Probably. But I have this story I'm working on. It's big. I have places to go."

"You miss the White House?"

"Yeah."

"I never remember you leaving so much except when the campaign's started—."

"If there's a story somewhere else—that's big—I come and go."

"Or a girl back there—?"

"Yeah."

"Danny—you're trying to avoid this by being away."

"I have this story—."

"Danny, you love her, you dream about her, she's affecting what your doing with your life—."

"Sometimes I think I'd rather be back there and not be with her than here- and never see her—so no- I'm not away because it's too hard-it's too hard and it makes it easier—but that's not why."

"If you say so. I'm just the one with the medical degree."

"Yeah, the medical degree, you want to write me a prescription?" Peter said nothing. "I didn't think so." Danny laughed.

"Danny, you need to figure this out—with someone you can see on a regular basis."

"How do I get into all this?"

"It happens."

"She's the one. That's why I can't shake it."

"Sometimes the one- isn't the one right now. Fate has it's ways."

"You believe in all that?"

"You don't? You come in here once a year and tell me how the love of you life works at The White House, which also, regarding your job, is the love of your life—you can't tell me you don't think that's a correlation. It is a little strange. I never believe in it myself. But if my brother hadn't lost his job and moved to New York, and I left my cell phone at his apartment, which I never do, I would have never met my wife."

"That's how you met Sally?"

"She stopped by to pick up a few things—she use to live in my brother's apartment."

"Ha?"

"Yeah."

"And I know you. And you're a hopeless romantic—always have been Danny."

"I suppose." Danny shook it off.

"Don't make me bring up the past old buddy." He paused. "You want to tell me about the dream?"

"No."

"Take the number Danny."

Danny hesitated and after a moment took the number reluctantly.

"You talk to Josh lately?" Peter asked.

"No-Nay—we email occasionally? You?"

"Not since I moved to New York. Tell him I say hey."

"I will."

* * *

Danny walked out of Peter's office building into the snow. It wasn't that bad, but with the flurries he had to pull up his collar. He started to walk a few paces when his thoughts were interrupted by a commotion.

Danny looked to his right, to see a woman fall through a small crowd of people to the ground in front of him.

'Ahh!" The woman fell right in front of Danny. He turned to look. He knew that sound, he knew that fall.

"CJ?" Danny asked in shock.

CJ lifted her head, "Danny?"

"You ok?" He laughed reaching down to lift her up.

"Yeah?" She was in shock herself. "What are you doing in New York?"

"I'm grounded because of the snow. You?"

'It's been so long—oh? Same here. I was in town for an award I was getting."

"What award?"

"Women in politics—I think—it was one of those large names—"

"Glad it meant so much to you?," he laughed.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tried-." CJ took him in as she held her in his gloved hands. "I feel like it's been forever since—"

"Yeah?" He laughed. "How ya do'ing." He smiled.

"Good." She smiled back. "Good."

They looked at each other for a while. Danny let his hand fall off CJ's arms.

"You got time?"

"Tons." She laughed.

"Take a walk with me?" CJ looked at the snow. "Its dying down, come on."

CJ smiled and they walked down the street.

The snow did in fact die down and CJ and Danny walked for blocks and blocks not noticing how many they had walked.

"Whoa!" Danny held onto CJ as she fell again pushing up against him. CJ tired to regain her balance but fell again causing her to fall further onto to Danny. She pulled herself up causing their lips to touch and push against each other. CJ took her balance and they stayed like that, inches away from each other's faces. They pushed lips again, CJ did it this time, but they were each unsure to continue the kiss. This made the kiss almost go in slow motion as they took moments to start and finish it. Danny's lips were soft and warm and CJ's stubble to the touch. They both enjoyed the moment, but knew how much it meant for so many reasons. CJ pulled away and Danny pulled in his lower lip.

CJ said nothing and lowered her head, biting her own lip and walking way from Danny taking her hand off his shoulder last. CJ took a step and waited. Danny didn't know what to do. She walked closer to an apartment doorway and Danny walked behind her. CJ walked into the out cove and somehow Danny found his way in with her.  
CJ ran her fingers thought his hair as he led his hand up her thigh. Their mouths parted and met, parted and met. CJ pulled away, stepping out of the doorway, before it could go too far and looked at Danny. He leaned in the doorway.

"Let's keep walking." She said looking down.

"Ok." Danny put his hands in her pocket and they continued walking again.

They walked for another stretch talking as if nothing had happen, but their eyes spoke volumes. CJ laughed. Oh, how Danny loved her laugh. They walked some more finding themselves almost near Times Square hitting 45th street and 8th avenue.

Danny took CJ's hand in his.

"Danny?" She scolded him looking at his hand, yet she didn't release herself.

"What?"

CJ looked around and whispered, "Someone could see us?"

"Where?" Danny looked around and took her eyes. "We're not in Washington?"

"Still….people know me—we could run into someone I know or you know—I don't know—"

"CJ it's New York City, I don't think anyone is going to take the time to notice us—nor do a think a person is staking around here waiting for the off chance The Press Secretary would be holding hands with a reporter."  
"I know—"

"You weren't so shy, back there—" He smirked looking ahead as they walked.

"I'm not—."

"I'm kidding." He looked at her and held her hand tighter for a moment. CJ smiled back. His hand felt good on hers. It felt good. It felt normal almost. They looked like young lovers just starting out. They came upon a bodega/grocery.

"I'm gonna go inside and get something to drink, you want something?"

"No." She smiled.

"Be right back." He kissed her hand.

CJ looked up at the bodega and a memory hit her. She knew this place. Her stomach tied in knots and she couldn't move.

"Sure you don't want a candy bar or- "

"Danny don't go in there?" CJ was in a panic.

"CJ?"

"Danny, don't go in there—please don't-"

"I'm just getting a drink—CJ what's wrong?" He stood by the door in anticipation to walk through the door, but he kept his gaze on CJ.

"I can't—Don't—I can't." CJ ran off.

"CJ!" Danny ran after her. "CJ!" Danny caught her as she turned the corner of 45th street.

"CJ what's wrong." He grabbed her by the arms.

"You can't go in there."

"I wont. CJ?-"

'I have to get away from—" CJ let go of Danny's grasp and started up the street toward seventh avenue.

"CJ!" He ran after her. CJ stopped as she saw where she was going.

"I can't go that way. I can't. 44th-That's—_The Booth_ is that way—That's where we—"She turned around and Danny lowered his head to get her eyes.

"CJ, I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong?" CJ stopped as she realized she was going back toward the bodega. Again it was a direction CJ couldn't go.

"I can't go back that way—" She was so fluster. "That's where Simon- I can't." She looked right she looked left. Danny heard the name Simon and he knew.

"Ok, ok. No more walking. I'm getting you a cab." CJ nodded her head and tears began to shed. "Yeah?" He said sweetly. "Ok." CJ leaned her head into Danny's shoulder. He put his hand out and soon a yellow cab stopped for them. He ushered CJ inside and slid in next to her. The cab rode off.

"CJ were are you staying?" He asked her as she sat in a heap on his side, trapped in his arms.

"Staying?" She cried. "The St. Regis." She said under tears.

"St. Regis Hotel." He told the driver.

* * *

CJ began to pull herself together.

"Take your time." He told her as she lifted her head and took a breath.

Danny followed CJ into her dark hotel room.

"You didn't have to walk me up." CJ set her purse down on her night stand. Her eyes had dried, but her body felt stale.

"I'm sorry to ask CJ, and if you don't want to talk about—"

"What happened back there?"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but-." The last word made CJ see what he was really saying.

"You know, don't you?'

"You said Simon." CJ nodded her head and sat on the edge of the bed. "Can I ask further?"

"Yes."

Danny sat down next to CJ.

"Is that where Simon Donovan was killed?"

"Yes." She started to cry again, but stopped herself. Danny knew that pain she was going through. "Must seem pretty funny—me getting that way—over my secret service agent—

"It's ok. He was someone you cared for—"

"Cared for?"

"I know CJ."

"What?-How did you know? I didn't tell anyone—we didn't even."

"I knew." He looked her in the eye. "I saw the way you looked at him. You looked at me that way."

CJ saw such hurt and love in his eyes.

"Did that hurt you?"

"Yes." He paused. "Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I'd feel the same way."

"Really?"

"Really." She was crying again.

Danny leaned in and kissed CJ. She kissed him back. CJ laded back on the bed and Danny watched her under him, looking so peaceful. He wanted to cry. She bit her lower lip and he leaned in to kiss her. CJ wrapped her arms around Danny. He felt so warm. He felt so safe. His beard nestled her face, and soon her neck and her shoulder and soon he started to unbutton her blouse. Danny paused, but CJ gave him the go ahead. She let out a cry of pleasure sending tingles through CJ and Danny. They were almost getting there, almost getting to the one thing they had never done. She helped Danny take off his shirt and she ran her fingers over his chest.

"Oh God!" CJ yelled as he ran his hands over her breasts, even through her bra. Danny ran his mouth down her chest and CJ arched her back.

Her cell phone rang. CJ's attention took her back to reality.

"Don't answer it." Danny whispered to her as his nose ran over her check. The phone rang again.

"I have to." CJ pulled away from Danny and let her feet drop to the right side of the bed and her purse on the nightstand.

Danny pulled his legs to the left side of the bed, his back to CJ's back as if they had separated like two haves of a pair of scissors. The image was electric and Danny could feel it. He took a breath to retain himself. CJ took her phone out of her purse and saw the number, it was The White House, and she opened the flap and brought it to her ear.

"Yeah." CJ answered her phone pulling at her blouse to cover herself up. "Hey, Toby." She lowered her head.

Danny heard her say it and he knew what was going to happen.

"Yeah, I can be there in a hour." CJ paused holding in her emotion. "Yeah, I'm just tried." She paused and listened to Toby. "Yeah, I'll see you when I get back." CJ hung up her phone and held it in her hand in a firm grip. "They got me a charter fight. It leaves in a hour."

CJ lifted herself off the bed and placed her phone in her purse. Danny watched her walk out of view, crying and buttoning her shirt. His eyes were down cast and full of unique sadness. He walked her walk away from his mind.

* * *

"Did that really happen?" Peter asked.

Danny turned from the window and looked at Peter, "I'm not sure?" He said softly and looked back out the window. "Sometimes I'm really not sure."


	7. Japan: MARCH

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **Japan**

**Title:** "The Call."

**Companion Piece**: Eppur Si Muove** 5.16**

* * *

Danny had been sleeping for at least four hours and since before that he hadn't slept for the last thirty, so it was a good bet he was in a deep sleep. Danny's cell phone rang, taking him out of it enough to move his limbs, but nothing else. He reached his hand out from under the bed sheets and his pillow-covered head, reaching around for the phone and knocking over the contents of the dresser and the nightstand in the process.

"Yeah?" Danny said in a groggy, barley audible, voice from beneath his pillow.

"Did I mess things up with you?" CJ's voice came on the phone at a fevered pace like bullets from a machine gun..

"What? I'm sorry. What? Who is this?... What time is it?"

Danny really needed a better sleep pattern so his brain would process when needed.

"My god you haven't slept again?" CJ was concerned for Danny's well being.

"CJ?"

"And I woke you up—"

"CJ wait - I'm up. I'm up." Danny pushed himself up on to the side of the bed, but he really wasn't awake.

"Danny, go back to sleep it's not important-"

'No. No. Give me a minute." He shook his head looking down. "I'm fine."

"You're not—I can tell it in your voice."

"No, I am. Just give me a moment to make the nausea subside."

"I'm hanging up!"

"CJ!" He ran his hand over his face and beard looking up for a change. "I haven't talked to you in like ten months don't get off the phone!"

"Eight."

"Eight?"

"New York."

"Oh." He let out a breath. "New York."

There was silence for a moment.

"You called for a reason? Did you say something about, "messing it up?" Danny was confused.

"No, it's nothin'—"

"Yeah, it's coming—Yeah—see I told you-reflexes like a cat- my covert skills are honed." On the other end of the line CJ rolled her eyes, but she was loving every minute of It." -Did you mess up what with me?" Danny was finally almost awake as he held his sliver phone to his ear.

"Nothing?"

"Wait? Is "up" referring to what I think you're referring to? 'Cause then I'd have to say there was nothin' we had that would have let you mess it up. Well nothin' you'd let me have…" Danny paused. "Did that make sense, I think I'm still in REM."

"No." She paused. "And yes."

"Ok. Good." He squinted his eyes.

"You can count on me to understand what comes out of your mouth—other people I'm not too sure of there, bub."

"You're pretty funny?" Danny smirked at the joy in her voice.

"Yes, they beg me to go out on the circuit?'

"Circuit?"

"Yeah you know. Tour. Vegas. Caesars—"

"But, you declined-?" He loved humoring her. Danny loved being CJ's straight man. No pun really intended.

"Nothin' says home to a woman like a low paying government paid job."

"I raise your government paid joke with my reporter sized bankroll."

"You want to up the anity, huh?"

"I do think my third class air fair accommodations verses Air Force one wins me the pot."

"You can think it, but I got one word that'll make ya fold there, pardoner." She paused. "Pension," she said through perched lips.

"You win."

"Like always! I am triumphant! All must salute me and call me their Queen. Ok all jokes you're thinkin' of right now stay in your head."

"I wasn't thinkin' of any. You're the one with the dirty mind."

"You can always melt down the Pulitzer." She smiled gleefully. " Make me a necklace. I've been into jewelry lately. Something flashy, but with piazzas. Somethin' that goes with my eyes. " She couldn't help to smile again

"I see." Danny couldn't help smiling on his end.

"You do. Good for you. Comes in handy to be able to see when you're patrolin' for those stories."

"You're in a good mood." Danny loved her good moods.

"Yeah, it would seem. I wore perfume today."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." CJ was proud of herself

"Obsession?"

"Yeah?"

"I always found it extremely ironic."

"Yeah, I'll stay away from that one."

"So back to the reason you called?"

"The reason I called?"

"Yeah—"

"I don't remember," she pretended listlessly and rolled her fingers over the top of Gail's bowl.

"You don't remember?" He paused. "Ok." He paused again. "But you do know you're the one who said you wouldn't date me."

"I know. That was my decision," she said like a child who felt guilty about what she had done.

"I'm just sayin'-"

"I know Danny—"

'Cause I was…willin'. Very willing in fact - and you turned me down — many times." He paused. "I think you know I'm always-"

"I know, I know - I guess I just - "

"CJ?"

"Yeah," she winced.

"You're not the reason I didn't take the editor job. You didn't do anything. Don't ever think that. That one's all on me, ok? It's not on you."

"Yeah," she said sadly.

"You're not who I blame." He paused. "Ok?"

"Ok."

"Good."

"I guess I should go now." CJ took a breath.

"CJ?" No response. "CJ?"

"You can talk—I'm still here." She whined sincerely.

"We're just livin' in this natural thing in an unnatural state. I don't blame you, but CJ?"

"Yeah?" She askedsoftly.

"When you say, "Yes," you can never mess it up with me. Never. No matter what you do. No matter what you say-"

"Danny-?" She seemed to want to caution him. She felt it, but never wanted to promise anything. She felt that was unfair to him and she had put him through enough.

"I know, I know - don't say anything - let me think it...let me just know." He paused for a moment moving the phone away from his mouth afraid he was about to cry. "Just remember I have a calendar and I know when eight years is up." He had held it in. "Good night, CJ."

"Good night, Danny," she said with memories of him.

And CJ hung up the phone. Danny tried to fall back asleep and not dream of her.


	8. Washington: 2 hours in DC: MARCH

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **Washington: Two Hours in D.C.**

**Title: **"Jokes"

**Companion Piece:** None

* * *

"Want to hear a joke?" Margaret asked Danny.

"Sure?"

"If a news story has legs." Margaret paused for a moment as a smile crept to her face. "Why is it always on the same page?"

"Ha." Danny paused saying it like the word it was and not the felling. "Funny." He shook his head in agreement with himself.

"You've heard it?" Margaret was deflated.

"Yeah." He said confidently. Danny was sorry to disappoint her but he'd heard all the print jokes. "Sorry."

"How about the one-."

"Black and white and read all over?"

"Yeah." She was deflated.

"Heard it." Danny thought to himself who hadn't.

"Damn it!" Her body shook.

"Sorry."

"How about, "Don't get ink on the furniture."

"One of my personal best."

"You tell that joke?"

"On occasion-"

'What's the response?"

"Usually groans."

"Oh." Margaret wasn't happy.

"Once I was denied a cookie."

"Huh?"

"Mrs. Landingham."

"Oh." She made her mouth make the same shape as the sound.

"Will Leo be ready for me soon, I have to catch a flight?"

"Yes, he's just on the phone."

"Is he on the phone or did he tell you to tell me he's on the phone?"

"I can't answer that?" she looked guilty sitting down at her desk.

"Uhh-ha—"

"Do you know any good jokes?"

'I got a ton."

"Are they funny?"

"I like to think so."

"Can I hear one?"

"I really can't give out that kind of information out." Danny smiled slyly.

"I see." Margaret said flatly.

After a moment Margaret went back to her work and Danny kept an eye on her for a moment before looking out towards the door.

Danny started to count to himself using his fingers.

"Five, four, three, two—"

"Danny!," Leo opened his office door. Danny stood. "Sorry to keep you waiting." He extended his hand for Danny to shake. "You know how it can be around here? How much time do you have?"

"I have a flight—." Danny knew Leo was putting it all thick.

"Yeah, we'll get you out in time for that-."

"Come in, Come in—" He waved him in. "You should say hello to CJ before she leaves, she and The President's wheels now at eleven forty should be back by twelve, I'm sure he'd love to see you too."

"I can't I have an eleven flight," he said entering the office.

"Too bad." Leo gave Margaret a look and walked in closing the door. "Don't worry we'll have you out before your flight. How have you been, Danny," was the last thing heard as the door was shut.

Danny walked into Carol's empty office and saw sight of Gail swimming in her bowl. CJ's door was conveniently open as if she was just gone for the moment and not on Air Force one returning from Russia.

He moseyed footed himself in as if he had just been gone a few days and not almost a year. He looked over the desk and stood motionless where he had first kissed CJ. He walked over to the couch and sat himself down leaning himself forward and holding his hands in front of him. He took a moment taking in the room before standing up again with a release of air. He took in another breath and looked over her desk again setting his eyes on Gail. Gail the wonder fish who seemed to be able to survive all the odds of fish dome and live long past anyone would have ever thought. He ran his finger along the bowl and turned around leaning his hands against the edge of CJ's desk. He looked at his watch and knew it was time for him to go. Danny reached into his inner jacket pocket and lifted out a small folded piece of paper. He reached behind him and with a slight swivel he placed the note on the center of CJ's desk and with his back to the desk walked out; not looking back. He couldn't look back.

"I swear to god Carol!" CJ bustled her way, coat covered, dragging her purse almost, into her office with Carol close in toe. 'If I ever! I mean EVER try to get into a bet with The President." CJ threw her purse on the coach and her bag on the floor as she passed the threshold. "Kill me! Stop me first, but if I do it again kill me. Make it quick. Hit me over the head with a few of the plates in the China Room, or better yet one of the Vermeer's, but make sure I never do it again. I don't care if it's a bet on my natural hair color, or my grandmothers' maiden name. Make sure they commit me first before I ever get caught up in a bet with that man!"

"You should know. I don't have to tell you that. He knows everything." Carol framed herself in front of the doorway after having dropped off her own things at her desk.

"The Ohio national song!" CJ ripped her coat off her shoulders with force where it lay on her arms.

"You still shouldn't have bet him you know more lyrics then he did!"

"I'm from Ohio I didn't think it was possible I could lose!" CJ noticed something. In the air, she smelled something.

"Like I said, the man knows everything."

"Do you smell that?"

"What?" Carol looked at an Intern who handed Carol CJ's messages.

"I don't know. It smells like…" She smiled. "Nayy." CJ shook it off as her faces soften with seriousness.

'What?" Carol looked up from the notes.

"Nothing?" CJ was sure she was wrong as she sniffed one more time before throwing her coat on the coat rack.

"Okay, Leo wants to see you in his office when you get settled. No hurry."

"Which means come as soon as I get in okay?" CJ rounded her desk.

"Hogan called."

"Yeah, she called my cell on the plane. Next." CJ turned on her television sets, as Carol looked at the next few messages.

"PBS called?" Carol was surprised.

"PBS?" So was CJ.

"PBS?"

"Sure, they don't want a donation?" CJ made it into a joke.

"Didn't say."

"Okay, we'll call them back after lunch?" CJ sat herself down at her desk.

"Call Leo, tell him I have to finish a few things and I'll be right over."

"Okay." Carol exited the office and CJ took a look at Gail.

"How ya doin' there Gail. Long time always see." CJ leaned back in her chair and took a breath before her sight caught Danny's note.

CJ's face turned to puzzlement as she recognized the handwriting. She cocked her head and squinted her eyes slightly taking the folded note to her hand. CJ knew who is was from as she looked at the kind lines of her name written on the front. She just didn't know how it got there. She was about to ask Carol when she knew Carol would have no idea too. CJ bit her lower lip and flipped open the flap of the note with the same hand she held it with.

**Sorry. Missed you. **

** ~Danny**

CJ smiled and then a look of aguish came over her face. Carol popped her head in and CJ fingered the paper to below her hands to hide it from view.

"Leo said to come now." Carol said, her head dangled in the doorway.

"Yeah." CJ said somberly. She knew Leo would say that.

Carol disappeared. CJ looked at the note and smelled it taking in Danny's sent. After a moment she slowly ripped the paper into two pieces hearing the tear of the paper as she went. She then did the same the other way making the two pieces four and the four pieces eight. She held the pieces on top of each other and brought them to her noise breathing them in. She brought the papers away from her noise and looked at them again before raising them to her forehead and leaning into them pressing them against her head. She took a breath not wanting to cry. CJ took the papers looking at them one more time noticing the last tear read Danny's name. She looked at the name and smiled.

CJ walked over to Gail's bowl and reached in taking a small treasure chest from the bottom of the bowl and pulling it out, shaking it as it hit the air to loosen the wetness. CJ placed the chest next to the bowl and opened it with her left hand revealing a small locket at the bottom on the same case. CJ took the locket out and took the papers from the note and placed them at the bottom of the chest and replacing the locket on top of the papers. She closed the chest with only one of her left fingers. CJ then took the chest and sent it gliding down to the bottom of the bowl.

Carol popped her head in again. "He called again."

"I'm coming. I'm coming." CJ took a Starbucks napkin off her desk and dried her hand as she walked.

"Want to hear a good joke?" CJ asked her in all perkiness as she hit the door way.

"Sure." CJ rolled up the napkin and a made a basket in the garbage next to her desk. "I could use a good joke." She looked at Carol and Carol smiled half-cocked seeing the sadness in her eyes. "Shoot."


	9. Nepal: MARCH

ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY CONCANNON: **NEPAL**

**Title**: "Awakenings"

**Companion Piece:** None

* * *

Danny took hold of CJ's mouth with passion. His lips to her lips. His flesh to her flesh. He just wanted to touch her, feel her breath, smell her skin, look her in the eyes and have her look back. He was overcome with the moment watching her naked body against the white sheets. Thrashing around on his bed and in his heart. He held her tight and watched all the highs and lows on her face taking in every moment like it was the last moment. CJ whispered something into Danny's ear. He couldn't hear her. It didn't sound like anything. She did it again and he still couldn't hear her. Danny buried his face in her neck. They grabbed hands and he kissed her again running down her neck. He listened to her heartbeat and the pace of her voice. It was sweet music to Danny's ears. The sound of her voice, the cadences of her phrase and the varied pitch of her nuances, aroused him more than anything of her he could see. He was in love her, her scent, her joy, her passion, her sound; her. He was in love with her

It was the most exotic dream Danny Concannon had had in long time. And that's just what it was in fact: a dream. All motion turned to a slow as Danny felt CJ slipping away from him. He looked her in eye one last time and saw a sadness that scared him.

"Ah!" Danny woke up in panic. His heart beat as he realized where he was. It took him a moment. Walking up in one new place after another made it hard to remember where he was, or where he bad been.

Danny hit the small light next to his bed to reveal his shabby brown room. A suite at the plaza or a room at the Motel six it wasn't. Danny ran his hands over his face to get him out of his funk. To get himself away from the dream. He found himself having similar dreams about CJ on and off, and often wondered if she did of him, but this one was different.

First, it had been so long since he had a dream about CJ it rocked him to his core. It made him feel lonely and alone. Alone with himself like usual. After a moment he was able to stand and he walked himself into the bathroom to throw cold water on his face. Danny took a breath and rubbed his face.

She was lonely in the dream he thought. She seemed distracted. Perhaps it was because Danny had a similar feeling while watching her press conference that afternoon. He felt it the last time he saw her, even after all she did for him.

"Danny. Post the story now. Right now." He heard her say in his head. It made him feel bad he ever told her she never offered him any curtsy.

He was mad then. He felt betrayed by her and White House. Ok, maybe just her. Danny took a towel to his face and shut off the bathroom light. He sat on his bed and looked at his watch on the table: 3am. He'd have to wake up soon anyway. He rustled led his hand over his red hair. He took a breath.

Again Danny thought of CJ. Where was she? What was she doing now? Who was she with? And what was making her so unhappy? How he wanted to comfort her and make it all go away. But most importantly he wanted to know why.

"Next question?" He heard CJ's voice ring in his head from that afternoon's press conference. The computer was an amazing thing he thought. He wanted to call her, but couldn't. Unless he had a reason Danny never called CJ. Not anymore. It had become awkward between them, each wanting to pretend they were over each other, but weren't.

Danny knew after he wrapped this up his next stop was Washington DC. Pennsylvania Ave. Even if it was only for one day he had to fit it into his schedule to get back. Of course once he got back what would he do? He kept himself away for a reason that went beyond the job, but he was never truly away. Danny's lover had become tortured and he knew that. He just didn't know what to do about it?

.


	10. Chicago: MARCH

On The Road with Danny Concannon: **Chicago**

**Title**: "Brotherly Love."

**Companion Piece:** None

* * *

Danny sat at the bar letting the atmosphere take him in instead of the other way around. He wasn't in the mood to take anything in. He nursed his beer and kept another eye on the TV. If he was a smoker, Danny would have been lighting up for that was the kind of mood he was in. He was in that Spencer Tracy bar mood. What ever that meant. St Patrick Day decorations still lined the pub walls, and smoke filled the air, while the ruckus of the small but few patrons penetrated the space.

The door opened letting in the light of the late day into the dark pit of browns and greens. The tall thin red headed men with a duffle bag over one shoulder wandered into the establishment with eyes all too familiar. He looked around and made his way to the bar. Once he appeared out of the fog of the white door light, it was apparent the man looked a young fifty years old. A little gray by his temples, but he was fit. After all today's fifty was the forty of old. The man took Danny in, walked right up beside him, and singled the bartender.

"Excuse me." The man asked, "You wouldn't know where I could find a scrawny looking red headed Irish kid." Danny's head perked up with the noise.

'Tommy!" Danny stood and put his arms out.

"Never mind I found 'um." The man joked taking Danny in a manly bear hug and patted him on the back. "How ya doin' little brother?" Thomas Concannon said gleefully as he sat down next to Danny.

"Good. Good. I'm glad you could make it." Danny sat himself down looking at his brother like it had been a long time. For it had.

"What and miss a chance to see my little brother? I'd take more than the train." Tommy undid his scarf and took eyes with the bartender. "Guinness." He said with a glint in his eye. "Why we meetin' here?" Tommy set his bag down next to him and started to unbutton his jacket to let in air. "Whoo." He smiled as his Guinness was set down in front of him.

"I'm celebrating my own belated St Patrick's Day." Danny took a drink. "I spent mine in a ditch in Nepal."

"Well, faith and bogora and all that". Tommy said with sarcasm as he raised his glass and the two men clinked glasses and drank.

"Thanks for coming. Really I mean it."

"Nayyy".

"I'd come out - but I have to head out in the morning. Another book signing."

"Nooo. No. I told you on the phone. No problem. No problem." He patted his brother on the back. "It's a chance to see you. I think I haven't seen you since you went off to Bermuda."

"Yeah, that was the last time I took a vacation." Danny laughed.

"Take a vacation and you win a Pulitzer."

"Not yet."

"Yet, my little brother. Yet. You're gonna win. At least get nominated for that damn thing. I mean - it was good. Damn good. Well all your work is good; I don't just mean the writing. Whoa! I mean the way you - well, hell I should go on vacation more often. Of course with four kids - well, I don't think I'll be finding many Watergate type scandals in Disney world." He took a drink. Danny smirked and nursed his bear. "You know what it's like being an editor and having you for a little brother." He laughed. "You're showing me up." He said with all humor. "You're showing me up."

"Come back to DC."

"Nayy".

"Tommy."

"That beat was never for me, even Boston and New York was too much for me. I have my small paper, I got my family, and I like it that way. I was never as ambitious as you."

"I'm not ambitious." Danny took a drink and Tommy nearly spit out his own.

"Come on Danny! You always were. You're working for Th_e Post_, you have a Pulitzer Prize - and I'm putting one hundred dollars down... of my kid's college fund says you win another one. Nothin's wrong with that, it's in your nature. You're just like Pop. Always were. Always will be."

"I just always want to be the best. You can't go through life if you're not going towards somethin'."

"Ambitious". Tommy smirked and took a drink. They both shared a silent moment. Danny took his Corona to his lips and then sat it down cupping his hands around it.

"You like being an editor?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"I love my kids and I love my family-"

"So, you do miss it?"

"No. Really I don't." He paused. "Again I'm not like you. The chase just doesn't appeal to me anymore."

"You're happy?"

'Yeah." He said with love.

"I looked at you and I think if only I could do that-."

"Be an editor?"

"Yeah,"

"-I'd have a family-"

"It'd stifle you."

"A family?"

"No. Danny you're a family man without a family. Kathy says it all the time. What's more, I agree with her. You wouldn't be happy. You were smart not to take that job. It's not for you. You have a talent for this Danny." He saw Danny wasn't looking at him. "Look at me, Danny boy. Look at me." Danny took his eyes. "You were born to do this. When god was passing out talent, or waving the talent stick, or whatever it was around to the Concannon kids, this was yours - always was. Writing…and going after that story is your_ god given_ talent. Giving that up would not only be a shame. It would kill you."

"Yeah, but if I did I could have a family, I could have-"

"Who says?"

"I say."

"You couldn't take my live-"

"I could have a different life."

"Different for sure, but not yours. What's gotten into you?"

"I just think sometimes, what could have been? If I wasn't so driven. If I didn't love so much… Journalism I mean."

"But you'd never be that person. Me, I can go to work, come home, and not think about it. You - You got that drive and the Beat would always be your mistress. Always. You'd always be thinking about her- running off to be with her." Tommy took a drink. "Besides you don't want a woman who's going to try and change you. You're a reporter for _The Washington Post_… Man, listen to that, Pop woulda been proud just hearing that." The two men smiled. "I hate woman who have to change men." Tommy took a drink and Danny wished he could tell his brother the real story. Tell him about CJ, but he couldn't betray CJ's wishes. Tommy kept on talking. "Kathy never asked me to do anything I didn't want it. I love my life, I choose it, I came home and started the job, - and you'd hate my life Danny. You would? It's not for you."

"Kids good?"

"More than good- they and Kathy send their love."

"Yeah." Danny smiled but his brother knew he didn't mean.

"Hey Danny boy, you hopeless romantic you…" Danny gave his big brother his eyes. 'Don't look at me that way. You always have been. You're a sucker."

"I'm not a sucker!"

Tommy took Danny in a headlock. A passerby stared at them causing Tommy to speak as Danny struggled.

"Family. My little brother. Family. You know?" Tommy smiled and the woman half smiled back. Tommy let Danny go. "Don't ever try to out fox me kid. I may be getting older, but I'll always be older than you, so don't try it."

"I didn't try anything!"

"You tried to get loose?"

"You had me in a head lock!"

"Yeah, yeah." Tommy took a drink while Danny composed himself. "You don't want a woman that wants to change you and no brother of mind is gettin' with a woman who wants to change him. I'll take a plane, a train, a boat, whatever the hell I have to stop that wedding… if it happens and when it happens. And something the hell's gonna happen….you're a great guy Danny and you were meant to be married and have kids - look at the way you are with mine. Have faith my brother." He took a drink. "But I'd get a move on, we both ain't getting any older…plus if you wait any longer Kathy's gonna fix you up with Sheila."

"AHHHH, Sheila!" The two men spoke simultaneously followed by a shiver. They took a drink together.

Tommy looked his brother over.

"I don't know how I didn't notice this before. But you look like crap."

"Thanks."

"I'm not sleeping."

"A story?"

"Yeah. Other things stuff. Keeping me awake."

Tommy sighed and looked at his brother who all of a sudden looked his age to the man.

"It's the girl isn't it?"

"Tommy."

"This mystery girl-"

"Woman."

"This mystery woman. The one you won't tell me about. Danny it's been five years. I've never seen you stuck on a woman like this and I do mean stuck. You're stuck." He took a drink.

"It's complicated." Danny took a drink.

"You're telling me." He leaned in. "You never keep things from me".

"I can't tell you about this one."

"What do you think I'm gonna think less of you? You love this woman and you need someone to talk about this to. Maybe that's why you can't get her out of your system? Ever think of that? What stays inside stays inside."

"It's not the reason."

"'Cause she loves you and you love her, but you can't be together. I know. I know. Sounds like something out of Hamlet or something."

"Romeo and Juliet, but no it's not."

"I know it's not Hamlet, I was... and It doesn't matter, whatever it is you two need to work it out or let her be. You're a changed man Danny. You never kept secrets from me - you never sat in a bar all day drinking, and you never took this long to get over a girl, a woman. Look at you, when's the last time you got a haircut?"

"I like my hair this way. Thanks Mom."

"Yeah, right." Tommy took a drink and looked up at the TV; the news was playing low and soft. He looked at his brother. "You gonna tell me." Danny was silent. "Okay, I'll start-"

"-Her job conflicts with mine. She feels we have a conflict of interest"

"You said that, I don't get." Danny heard CJ's voice as Tommy talked looking up at the television screen. "I mean unless she works for The President and I mean even then..." Tommy saw Danny looking at CJ on the television and stopped. "Nooo." Danny looked at his brother. "You're stuck on The Press Secretary?"

"Shhhh."

"You are? I don't-"Danny took Tommy in closer cutting off his words.

"Over here".

They took their drinks and Danny found a booth in which he threw himself into the center of the circle. Tommy slid in next to him putting his arm around his brother to lean in closer.

"She's the girl."

"Yeah."

"How long has this-I mean...?"

"On the campaign I guess. I just…fell in love with her…I think I was from the moment I saw her. Crazy, I know. "

"And she feels the same for you?" Tommy asked his brother sincerely. "Come on, I won't tell anyone." Danny took a breath.

"She hasn't said it, but I'm sure. I'm dead certain she does."

"And she ended it?"

"Yes."

"How long were you two having an affair?"

"It wasn't an affair." Danny whispered as he insisted. "She wouldn't let it go that far. I tried to - I mean she just wouldn't agree to anything beyond what we did. So we didn't."

'What did you do? I mean if you didn't-"

"We kissed."

"You kissed? That's it, you kissed, and you're stuck on her like this?"

"I told you I was stuck on her before. This just made it worse and than…"

"What? Then what? I have to know everything if you want me to help you Danny. Don't shut me out. Don't be like Pop that way; we know where it got 'um."

"This whole Shareef thing. I won't say anything else but-"

'It drove a wedge between you?"

"It made things heated. Yes."

"And not in the good way." Tommy leaned back and took a swig of his drink.

"I love her Tommy. And you're right I've never been this way about any woman. I can't shake it. I can't shake her. And maybe if I didn't feel like if it wasn't for this man made thing. This unnatural thing that's between us we'd be together."

"And that's why you've been wondering about my life and being an editor."

"Yeah." He paused. "She was mad I gave up the job offer. And I don't blame her." He paused. "But you're right I couldn't do it and I knew it. It's not me. "

"Man Danny, how did this start? I mean if she was so against it. She really must love you?"

"Yeah. I hope."

"I hope so too."

"You shouldn't have been fooling around with The Press Secretary anyway. That's gonna get you hurt in so many more ways then one. I mean what if your editor found out?"

"You sound like her. I don't see the problem." Danny looked off. "Well at the time I didn't. "

"-You wouldn't. I guess."

"I mean I still don't - As long as we act like adults I don't see the problem." He paused. "Or maybe I'm Naive."

"You always think people are gonna to the right thing when the situation comes along. Not everyone can be as objective as you in situations Danny. Especially when emotions are involved. You have to see her point."

"A little." He took a drink. "But you're not supposed to play her side."

"Sorry".

They drank in silence for a moment.

"Danny?" Tommy asked. "You're my brother, and I love you and I just want to see you happy, but I hate to see tortured like this." He paused.

"I'll get over it. That's why I'm away."

"Running away from something isn't always the best plan. Sometimes you have to face it head on. Be a man and face it Danny."

"I'm trying this first. And I think I'm bein' pretty noble here?"

"I think THIS is making it worse."

"I need time. I need time to try. I need to try to get her out my system. Being around her just hurts too much. And she did something for me. I can't tell you what all I know is I need to be away for a while. For more reasons then one. Let's just say I learned my lesson."

"Yeah, I got ya." Tommy looked at his brother's eyes.

"She makes the world worth livin' in Tommy. I can't explain it."

"I know."

"She just does." Danny took a drink while Tommy looked at his brother looking for the answers. "I just have to think of her laugh and I'm lost again Tommy. I mean seriously lost."

"I don't know what to tell ya Danny? I really don't?" He paused. "Do you think in three years she'll be waitin' for ya? You think that's why you've been holding out for so long? Danny? Is that what you're wishin' for? Is that what you hopin' for?" Danny didn't respond. " What do you want? What's your dream Danny? I know you. You got a dream?"

Danny took a good long moment as his brain formed sentences through the alcoholic haze. He turned and looked at his brother.

"I wanna wait for her."

Tommy smiled a bittersweet smile.

"To three years from now." Tommy raised his glass.

"To three years." Danny hit his brother glass as his voice broke. Danny leaned over on the table and Tommy ran arm over his brother shoulders hitting the left shoulder with his left hand for comfort. Danny leaned back and looked at his brother.

"Thank you." He said with the utmost sincerely.

"Hey, we are in the city of brotherly love." He joked. Danny gave his brother a dry stare.

"That's Philly."

"Yeah, Whatever." Tommy joked. Danny smiled and Tommy took a drink.

* * *

Danny made his goodbyes to his brother and made his way down the street. He looked back one last time to see Tommy in the distance-waving goodbye. Danny smiled and lifted his hand to signal. Tommy smiled and so did Danny. They both knew they would see each other soon.

Danny turned and put his hands back in his pockets. It was almost April but still chilly with the wind off the water. Thoughts of his conversation with Tommy ran through his head, as well as the idea he would have to be on another plane in the morning.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" Danny heard a women come up next to him as if she had been chasing him for blocks. "Do you speak English?" The dark haired, sweet, woman asked.

"Yeah?" Danny wasn't sure why the woman with a great American accent was asking him if he spoke English. Maybe she wanted directions, but that still didn't seem right.

"Oh, Thank god." The woman blew out catching her breath. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I had to stop you." She took a breath. "You have the most amazing aura around you." The woman showed Danny her card who shook his head and tried to push the card politely back. "I'm a clairvoyant." She took Danny's eyes and he was caught in the sincerely of them and her voice. The genuine kindness for others she seemed to project. "Everything you wish for will come true."

The words hit Danny like a ton of bricks. Perhaps it was just what he wanted to hear. Who, after all, wouldn't want to hear such words or perhaps it was just the convincingness and sincerely of her words that caught Danny off guard, and for that moment he believed she really thought what she was saying, for it made perfect sense to Danny. Something about her made him believe her

"Thank you." Danny took the card. "What's your name?" Danny asked sincerely

"Tina."

"Tina, thank you." Danny shook her hand. "I'm Danny." He said sweetly

"You're welcome Danny."

"Have a wonderful evening." The woman smiled and disappeared off.

Danny stared at the card and placed it in his wallet as a reminder. Perhaps later he would return and pay her a visit. His mind told him no, but his soul was compelled. Danny contained walking into the night.


	11. Boston: MARCH

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **Boston**

**Title:**"Mandyville."

**Companion Piece **The Supremes. **5.18**

* * *

Danny sat at another table in yet another bookstore signing copies of his new book. It was a thankless job, but part of his contract with his publisher, and Danny was happy to oblige, yet unhappy to be away from his work. Of course he did need a break.

Maybe he'd give himself some time to kick back and watch a basketball game, crack open a beer. These of course were all the things going through his head as he tried to remain present in the moment. Danny loved people, it was one of the great things he loved about the job; and he wanted to give everyone who had come out to see him all the attention he could.

It was hard of course after signing and signing, but each time Danny tried to bring himself back. Maybe it was age, but he found his mind drifting off a lot lately. He just didn't want a repeat of Chicago where through most of the book signing he kept imaging C.J. standing in the back of the room, taunting him, calling him over into the stacks, right between the heath, fitness, and non fiction sections. He soon found his body standing at the podium, but his mind was sliding along side the bookshelves, kissing her neck, and running his fingers through her hair. An active mind is an agile mind his grandfather use to say. Danny just hoped he wasn't going crazy. This time, no C.J., no fantasy, only the Barnes and Noble in Bean town. All was safe in Concannonville.

Danny was amazed how in each town, once he walked into the bookstore, all life seemed the same as the last store, and all the stores before it. Just the accents changed.

The signings would usual start with Danny reading portions of the book. The laughs varied at different times, but came like ebbs and flows in the same places. So much so Danny knew by now which parts to punch and which ones to let lie in the air to be absorbed like pollen: Through the senses and the nose.

There were always the few small groups of fans, those carrying worn down copies of his previous books in their hands, covers torn from reading, waiting impatiently in line for their turn. They were few, but it was still strange for Danny. They were all nice, only one a little strange, and one guy had come all the way from Vermont. That was flattering. He didn't have throngs of screaming fans like Josh, but he still had people who knew who he was and that was still nice. He also didn't have as many screaming woman as Josh, but he was always shocked when he found out he did. It was still amazing to his ego to have the occasional young thing in each town walk up to his table and finger the pages of his book for him to sign the inside. She'd smile in her short skirt, obviously flirting, flip her hair; bat her eyes and lean in close. Danny couldn't help but laugh sometimes at the young girls old enough to be his daughters. It scared him in many ways how easy it would be to take one of the girls back to his hotel with him. He knew men like that, he covered men in politics like that, and he wasn't that guy. It scared him even more that other men were that kind of guy. How many women did he know who weren't safe he thought to himself. Who did he know who was at risk or had been? Besides Danny knew they wouldn't be going to bed with him, they would be going to be with his words. Not him, never him.

Danny signed the copy in front of him, closed the flap, and pushed the book forward to the young woman in front of him. She smiled holding the book to her chest, flipped her hair, batted her eyes and thanked Danny. Danny sheepishly thanked her never knowing how to deal with the situation. He still took a moment to watch the girl walk away and laugh. If only he was a different type of fellow. But he wasn't. Never could be. Never would be.

"What's a girl gotta do to get a book signed around here?" Danny knew that sharp voice. He looked, arching his eyes up to see a familiar brunette hanging in front of him.

"Mandy." Danny spoke with a nod of the head.

"Hey Danny." She smiled.

"Come over here." Danny motioned her to the side of the table. "How ya doin'?" Danny took the next book and asked the man's name before signing it for him.

"Good. Good." She nodded her head. "Nice book." Danny took a copy of Danny's book making it face her, opening the flap and fingered through the papers.

"You read it?" Danny asked with a glint in his eye.

"Am I in it?" She said looking down at him slyly.

"You got to read it."

"Yeah." She smiled with sarcasm. "I guess I will." Mandy picked up the book and held it with two hands. She looked at the back. "You got time after this?"

"Yeah, I'm almost done. Give me a few minutes."

"Okay." Mandy walked away while reading the back cover.

"Mandy?" Danny called after her stretching her name in the process.

"Yeah?" She looked up.

"Ah, that's my personal copy." He said in his all-knowing way, his eyeballs looking up at her.

"Oh." She slid the book across the table to him.

"Yeah." Danny smiled placing his left hand on his book and signing another book with his right hand. "Mandy." Danny whined as he felt her hand try to get the book back. Mandy snorted off and once her back was to Danny, he couldn't help but laugh at her.

* * *

"I was just doing my job, Mandy." Danny leaned in toward her on the diner's formica table.

"I don't blame you I know that." She picked at her French fries. "Can someone get some service around here!" Mandy looked around.

Danny looked at her as if to say, "That's old Mandy," and leaned his arm over the back of the booth. He leaned his eyes under his sunglasses and caught the eye of a waitress who looked at him with a question mark look.

"What do you want?" Danny asked looking Mandy's way. Mandy took the waitress's eye.

"Another refill." The woman walked away.

"Make it decaf?" Danny told the woman wondering when the hell Mandy would ever calm herself down.

"And another plate of French Fries!" She yelled as Danny threw his sunglasses on the table.

"Whoa, girl. You want to eat the plate too? Maybe I can get them to have the silverware wrapped up for you. Maybe send a few more red bulls over with that caffeine high you're already chasin'."

"I'm hungry, so sue me."

"I would if I could, but I think you'd eat me.'

"Funny."

"Ahh, I try." He let it go and looked away for a moment.

"Listen Danny."

"Yeah?"

"I don't blame you?'

"Good."

"I do, however, want to know how you got it?" Her words ran fast.

"I told you then and I tell you now. I can't do that."

"Yeah, Yeah."

"So what ya been up to? I heard you got engaged." Danny took a drink of his coffee.

"How'd you know?" She looked up at him flabbergasted, her mouth still full of food as she swallowed.

"Josh told me?" He leaned his arm back against the booth running it along the edge and dangling his hand over the end while giving her that cocky look.

"Josh?"

"And the ring on your finger pretty much-"

"Josh told you?" She wanted to hit Danny on the arm, but missed he was too far from her."How the hell did he find out!"

"He knows people." Danny joked.

"He's been asking around about me? He's so territorial. I haven't seen him in five years - haven't dated him in six and he still feels the need to keep tabs on me and the men in my life."

"Mandy, it's not just Josh. That's all men. Of course were territorial. We're hunters. That's what we do. I know Josh wishes you nothing but good things on this one."

"I'm sure he wishes me something."

"Well, yeah-"

"-Josh is different. Any man that tapes a Fullbright scholarship letter to his forehead has problems."

"I thought that story was funny." Danny smiled.

"Funny - that's his problem - he knows how funny and smug he is and people except it."

"'Cause he's a good guy Mandy." Danny defended his friend out of habit.

"Yeah." She didn't want to admit it. "Yeah, he is."

"You were always so good at getting his goat."

"He always got worked up over the smallest things!"

"Look who's talkin'-."

"-He always got so worked up!"

"I'm sure he did." Danny insinuated.

"Hey!"

"Sorry."

"What about you? 'Secret plan to fight inflation'." Mandy smirked her famous smirk.

"Hey, he dissed my cred." Danny made use of slang for a joke. "I had to get him back. He deserved it." Danny laughed whole-heartedly. "That was funny." He signed. "I miss that guy." He ran his hand around his coffee cup and took a drink.

"Yeah he deserved it all right." Mandy said with humor as she chewed on another morsel of food. "So who ya think is gonna be the new justice?" Mandy wanted the gossip.

"What do I know what's going on in The White House anymore?" He threw it off.

"Rumor has it Josh is pushing for Judge Baker Lang?"

"Yeah, Josh would." He picked up his coffee with one hand and took a swig not giving Mandy his eyes.

"Come on Danny. You always know everything before anyone else. You know?" She teased him. "You always win the bet."

"Who's betting?" He said with his cocky inflection looking at her this time.

"Not if you're in." She joked back.

"If Josh is in on this - she has a chance. But we'll find out tomorrow. Hey, they got Mendoza on the bench."

"Yeah I know! I was there dumb ass!"

"Amazing, such words from just a scholarly girl." He said with amazing sarcasm.

"Takes one to know one." She threw it back.

"Was that an underhanded compliment?"

"Yeah, sort of. But then I haven't read your book yet, so who knows." She tried to change the subject. "You know you should let your beard grow in more?" The waitress finally came and refilled Mandy's coffee and offered up a new plate of French fires.

"Ya think?"

"Yeah, it looks good that way."

"Okay."

"Sure you don't want anything?" She started in on her new plate of French Fries.

"Nay, I'm good." He leaned forward. "Listen, Mandy mind if I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why'd you leave The White House?"

"On or off the record?"

"On."

"No comment."

"Allllright." Danny turned his head to the right and leaned back. He tried. He gave her a look and tried again. "Off the record?"

"Off the record?"

"Off the record."

"Shoot."

"Was it 'cause of the memo?"

She paused for a moment before speaking, "Partly." Her voice became serious. "They never forgave me for that-."

"-Yeah-."

"They never did. The tension was palpable. It was like walking on eggshells all the time. I stayed longer then I should have. By May I knew my days were numbered. June was too long and by July...well...I couldn't even let myself see Josh in the hospital when...I couldn't even go into work - I felt so sick to my stomach - I didn't even see him in the- "She stopped in her thoughts. "How is Josh?"

"Good." Danny nodded his head to reassure her. "Good. I don't see him so much since I've been on the road."

"He still dating the First Ladies Chief of Staff-Amelia something-"

"Amy Gardner? I really don't know- I just get the random email from him. He didn't mention it."

"But he mentioned I was engaged."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." She gritted her teeth.

"Hey, we both know you."

"Same old Josh." She said to herself. "Josh in your book?"

"No."

"C.J."

"Are we making a list?"

"How is C.J?"

"I wouldn't know!"

"Don't be so defensive. You're worse than Josh."

"Birds of a feather."

"You guys ever hook up?" Mandy dipped her fries in the pool of ketchup on her plate.

"Mandy!"

"You had a thing for her since the campaign." Mandy sent the food in her fingers into her mouth.

"You eat like a pig Mandy."

"You still have a thing for her don't you?"

"Hey."

"So, did anything happen? Anything happening right now?" She kept on teasing.

"No."

"Why do I think you're lying to me?"

"I'm not."

"You got a thing."

"I don't have a thing?"

"After five years you still have a thing." She brazenly laughed.

"There is no thing. No thing. No such thing.'

"So Josh - you are." She laughed. "It's not like I'm saying you're in love with her." Mandy laughed. "Now that would be sad." Mandy laughed, but stopped when she saw the look on Danny's face. "Oh, Danny. I...you do - don't you - I'm so sorry I didn't-."

"Mandy don't." He said softly as he wrapped his hand around his wrist.

"No I just said something completely offensive to you. I should have known." She hit her head. "I always do this!" Danny lowered his head and looked away. "I'm sorry." She said in her smallest voice.

"Don't Mandy."

"Okay." She sheepishly wiped the ketchup from her mouth. They shared a moment of silence. Mandy leaned in pushing her plate to the side.

"You should send her a copy of your book."

"This book? I don't-"

"Why not?" Mandy's cell phone beeped and she grabbed it quickly taking out the phone and checking the read out. "Oh, I have to go. I have a thing with Greg." She said apologetically.

"Greg?" Danny asked. Mandy flashed her hand to Danny showing him her ring.

"Greg."

"Greg." Danny got it.

"Hand me my book." Mandy reached out her hand and Danny took a book from his right side and handed it to Mandy. "You signed it?" She said as if she was scolding him.

"Of course." He smiled. "Of course now you can't sell it. It's damaged."

"Damn." She joked like a little girl. "And I was going to hock it for a new fan belt for your car."

"And here I was selling my car to buy you a bookmark." He joked. Mandy smiled and put her hand on his shoulder.

"It was nice to see you Danny." Danny smiled at Mandy.

"Yeah - good luck on the whole marriage thing-"

"Yeah, good luck on the whole-." She smiled. "Well. Good. Luck." She paused and adjusted her purse strap. "Send her a copy. I think she'd like it." Mandy started to walk away, but Danny, after pondering something, stopped her.

"Mandy!" He yelled for her peaking his head out from the booth.

"Yeah?" Mandy walked forward as Danny motioned her to come back with his head.

Mandy stood in front of Danny, who looked around for a moment before leaning forward. He took a moment.

"I don't have all day Danny." She said with her shrillest voice.

Danny gave her a look before making his confession.

"Would you, in all honesty, as a woman... wait eight years for a man you loved?"

Mandy's face turned to a sweet grin for her friend.

"We wait a lifetime... what's a few more years?" She leaned in speaking soft and sweet. "And if it was you, I'd wait even longer if I had to." She leaned in and kissed Danny on the cheek. "Give her the book." Danny gritted his teeth as Mandy walked away.

"I never said-"

"Give her the book!" Mandy yelled waving her hand goodbye as she exited the diner.

* * *

"Carol let's do messages later?" CJ rounded her desk and noticed a package. It was a small package wrapped in brown paper and string. "What's this?" She pointed to it.

"It's a package?" Carol said in her perky voice.

"I see it's a package, but what is it doing here?"

"Beats me."

"Well, how did it get here?"

"I don't know I guess it came while you were out? It was there when I came in?"

"And you didn't think- it could be a bomb- what it just appeared here?"

"CJ do you really think someone got a bomb into The White House and onto your desk."

"True."

"I'm going to lunch." Carol walked away from her crazy boss and out the door.

"Yeah, just run away."

"It's not a bomb!" Carol yelled as she walked out her office door.

"Don't yell that in this building! You could be jumped by a secret service agent!" Carol was gone now so CJ just spoke to herself. "I should be so lucky." CJ sat herself down at her desk and looked at the package. "Well, she's right I'm being stupid." CJ ran her fingers along the string and broke it apart. She let the brown paper fall and found what was inside the wrapping a delightful surprise: Danny's book. She lifted it up with a proud smile and read the cover to herself.

"Eight Long Years: Inside Two Presidential Administrations from The White House Press Corp-by Daniel Concannon." CJ smiled and lifted the book up. She turned the back over and looked at Danny's picture. It was an old picture she knew that. Must have been at least five years old. "Couldn'a sprung for a new picture, could ya Concannon." She whispered to herself as she smirked.

She lifted the book parting the middle of the pages with her manicured fingers causing a small piece of paper to fall out. CJ placed the book down and picked up the paper. She read the note out loud. "Turn to the title page?" CJ gave a puzzled look and leafed through the front of the book to the title page. She grabbed her reading glasses from her desk and set them on her nose as she reached the page and leaned in.

Three more years to go.

~Always Danny

CJ looked at the inscription and smiled.


	12. Thailand & DC: MARCH

On the Road with Danny Concannon: **Thailand/DC**

**Title:** "Connection"

**Notes:** Okay, I swear and people (who read it before The Supremes aired) can prove me on this, but I wrote this story in Feb, but have been holding on to it while I found an end etc.

**Companion Piece**: Well, I guess now The Surpremes **5.17**

* * *

**A MONTH AGO…..**

* * *

CJ finished typing something on her laptop and leaned back in her chair. It was late and her brain was used to drifting lately. Ding, rang CJ's computer, causing her head to shift toward the screen to see an instant message pop up. CJ looked at the screen, not knowing the screen name, causing her face to turn into a one of concern and anger.

"Hey there beautiful." Said the box.

"Do I know you?" CJ answered. There was a moment while CJ waited for an answer to pop up.

"It's Danny." CJ cocked her head and smiled in disbelief.

"Danny? Where are you?" she typed. There was a pause before Danny's answer appeared.

"Thailand. Working on a story."

"What else would you be doing?" CJ leaned back in her chair and waited for an answer.

"Did you get my message?"

CJ perched her lips and thought before answering. She leaned in to type.

"Yes," She typed. "I got your message. I'll be sure to file that one under easy and regrettable attempts at humor."

"Didn't laugh huh?"

"No." she typed with out thinking.

"Even on the inside?"

"No." She smirked.

"Not even a little?"

"No." CJ smiled again.

"Ok."

"Just watch his show next week I'll show you who's a chicken," she typed with force.

"You're going on his show?"

"Of course."

"Do you even know the name of his show—?"

"The truth something—."

"Ok." There was a pause in the conversation. CJ smiled. She missed their banter even if this time it was written and not spoken. Another message from Danny popped in. "You know he's just egging you on. He does that because he knows otherwise, even if he asked, you'd never be on his show. He's trying to bate you."

"CJ," Toby called to her from the doorway. "He's ready for the thing—." CJ folded her laptop halfway down.

"Ok, I'll be right there."

Toby stood for a moment wondering why she wouldn't follow, but let it go.

"Yeah." And Toby walked off looking deflated, but he always looked deflated.

CJ folded up her laptop and noticed Danny had noticed she was gone.

'CJ?" She read hearing his voice in her head. "CJ? You there?"

"I have to go now Danny," she wrote.

"Yeah," He wrote. The word looked so lonely by it's self. "Good talking to you," popped up.

CJ smiled. She waited wanting to find the best thing to say. She lifted her fingers before deciding what to type. "Same here." She hit send and was about to close the window when Danny sent her one last response.

"Keep your head in the game CJ."

CJ smiled and closed her computer.

Danny shut his computer off and looked out the window at the white domed Capital building and turned out the light in his apartment.

* * *

**IN THE PRESENT**

* * *

Danny looked at CJ's screen name remembering the last and only time he had sent her a message. Things were so different between them since he left. Even just writing to her was hard. Loving CJ seemed to make him a better man, a more complex man, but a better one as well. That's why he had to lie to her the last time. He wasn't ready to see her yet.

This time actually in Thailand Danny decided he still needed time and turned off his computer. It was the mood he was in, he had called her before, but it was when he knew he would miss her. She had called him and he had loved their conversation, but it made him think of her too much. Too much water under the bridge, or was it only water? He'd come back, and he'd talk to her one day. But not today.

Besides he needed a goodnights sleep for tomorrow as he was off into nowhere's land with his guide. Danny didn't have time to mess himself up with it again, he was a man of the road, irresponsible, a journalist of the world. He missed being knee deep in politics. It was as if he had left two of his loves in Washington. Danny was unsure which he loved more. He tried to convince himself CJ had scared him too much, but it was all male vibrato, yet in so many ways they were both changed people as their relationship as a whole, for themselves, was now different. The connection was different and unknown to them even stronger.


	13. LA: APRIL

On The Road with Danny Concannon:** LA**

**Spoilers:** Take Out The Trash Day (Season one) & 7A WF 83429 (season five)

**Companion Piece:** Access **5.18**

**Title:** "The interview"

* * *

"I'm not the story." Danny said in a half nasal laugh to the reporter in front of him.  
"Reporters shouldn't be the story."

"But you're an award wining writer. You're just as big as a Woodward and Bernstein-"

"We all worked for and work for _The Post_ - I don't see the correlation?"

"Come on Mr. Concannon-"

"I'm not. And call me Danny, Janet."

Danny felt uncomfortable being the interviewee as he sat in the hotel room his publisher had set up for him. He adjusted largely in his seat pulling down his jacket as he sat. He wanted everything about this to be casual.

"Danny, your a Pulitzer winner, nominated again last year, and they say you may win another when they make the announcement in a few days, so your could easier be a two time winner."

"I need a new set of bookends."

"You've covered the White House under three presidents, two of which as the Senior Correspondent, and you uncovered the Shareef assignation. I don't know about you, but we reporters around here thought that was a pretty amazing feat-at some point modesty's has to go out the window and you have to admit you'fd pretty damn good at this."

Danny laughed. "Thank you, really. And I never said I didn't think I was good. If I didn't think I was good I wouldn't do it. If it wasn't fun anymore I wouldn't to do it. But I came to _The Post_ because of Woodward and Bernstein so it's hard for me to compare myself to them. It's hard for me to compare myself to anyone. We're all different. I write differently then they do - from you - from anyone. My love of my job and my fascination to get to the bottom of things is what drives me - and who's to say in my position another reporter wouldn't have caught on to the stories I have? It's just luck really."

"Luck, is a strong word, when over the last twelve years or so all the great stories, let it be in-depth interviews with The President, or so called scandals, have been attributed to your by line. What do you think of that?"

"Well, I never said I wasn't proud of my work. I'm damn proud of my work. But I really like it to speak for it's self. Again. I'm not the story. Most people on the street don't know who I am and I like it that way."

"A few might."

"Yeah, a few, but that's even too many for me. I need to stay away from the story, not just for my job - to get the story- but to have the story stand on it's own. Then it becomes about who's filing the story and not who the stories are about."

"You seem to have better access with the current administration then in previous ones?."

"Well, it all has to do with seniority. I - when I'm there - I've been there the longest so I get more access, more exclusives."

"Leaks?"

"We don't talk about that."

"Does your current relationship with the Bartlet Administration have to do with fact that you were on the campaign with them?"

"Yeah, sure. Absolutely. I got to know this President better than I got to know any President. I've been on campaigns before. I always pick one candidate and follow him or her through the end. This was the first time my guy won I have to say-"

"In the 2002 election you followed the primaries and dealt more with the human interest stories-?'

"Yeah, I had been with the Bartlets for four years about - I wanted to get a different angle this time around, with the MS, I wanted to see how the country was reacting - the whole Bartlet-Ritchie thing. And I'm glad I did it. It was hard to be away from what you love-" Danny paused for a moment realizing his double meaning. He tried not to show what it had done for him. He smiled and took a drink of water. "But as a reporter I like to challenge myself - keep myself on my toes. What I love about being a journalist is going after the story. Sometimes I think I like the hunt - the chase more than the end result. But I guess that's because I know I'm good at the hunt - the game. It's what I do? So it's hard being away."

"You're away from the White House now?"

"That's my publishers fault."

"But even before that, you haven't been filing stories from the White House since your Shareef story got attention."

"Yeah? I filed a few stories on Zoey Bartlet's kidnapping...But I go where the story is - I'm just working on something- when I'm done I'll be back."

"So you haven't had a falling out with the Administration over your story as reportered?"

"A coincidence." Danny blew it off. " I've written things they wouldn't consider so favorable before. There may have been tension, but it goes away. They respect what I do- I respect what they do. It's a give and take. Not that they don't try to stop me." Danny laughed thinking about CJ. "But it's a give and take. They can't live without us, and we can't live with out them."

"Can you tell me anything about your upcoming story?'

"No." He smiled slyly. "But good try."

"Thanks." Janet rolled over some of her notes. "Have you heard about the new documentary being filmed about the job of the Press Secretary?"

"Yeah, PBS. Sounds like an interesting idea. I just don't know what kind of real access they're going to let them have. But it sure would be funny to be there now."

"Do you have a favorite Press Secretary?"

"Well, that wouldn't be fair, that's like asking an actor who his favorite leading lady is?"

"Leading lady?"

"I guess I just gave myself away."

"There's nothing wrong with it. You obviously have a different kind of relationship with her?"

"I'm sorry?"

"The Bartlet Administration from your time on the road."

"Yeah, sure." Danny almost read too much into that one and almost gave himself away. " I knew Josh Lyman from way back when, everyone crossed paths with Josh Lyman at some point, and I knew Leo McGarry from when he was Secretary - so it was already people I knew. And they're all good people. Print that. People don't get that, but through it all they're all good people. People you want to hang out with. So that helps."

"It's almost been mentioned you have a very relaxing interview style?"

"I don't know if I agree with, I've been called many things, but relaxing isn't one of them-"

"Yeah, Tim Russert called you a rotwiler when it comes to stories, but I'll get to that. I mean it's been said you put people at ease when you talk to them - get them to reveal their secrets to you."

"That's my job-"

"I just mean-"

"-Yeah, I guess I'm good at that. But that's part of the job, like a therapist, or a bartender. I have to put people at ease. They have to look me in the eyes and want to spill everything they know. It's about what I say and how I saw it. But yeah, I guess I'm good at that."

"You're being modest again. Your late night talks with President Bartlet are said to have gotten him elected."

"Like I said I spent a lot of time with them, late night talks with The President was just part of being on the road late hours - he went to Notre Dame - and you know how he is about that- so I pretty much think I can thank that for everything he gave me and what I was able to do in the last five years. It's all about trust."

"Of course if he hadn't won."

"A different story. A different story on many fronts." Danny thought for a moment what would have happen between him and CJ if Bartlet had lost.

"You want to elaborate?" Janet saw something there.

"No." Danny laughed.

"Okay." She paused. "So back to Tim Russert." Janet smiled

"Ahh."

"Do you agree with his statement he said about you on Meet The Press about being a Rotwiler when it comes to going after a story?"

"He also said a wolf, but he was having fun with me. I can get a little into my ideas on that show. But that's the point."

"But there was truth behind it. He was giving you a compliment in that introduction."

"Yeah, he was. And yeah, I get pretty aggressive when I go after what I want. What I know is true. I have different plans of actions, but I can get pretty zealot like if I know the truth is out there and I just need to find it. I go after the truth and if you're in my way I don't go around you, I use all my powers to get through you. I also have this massive need to finish things - I guess that comes from being on a deadline. Got to get it done before the other guy. I'm a patent guy and I'll wait as long as I need to, but I got to keep active. I go to keep going for it. I guess some people call it passion; others refer to as a rotwiller. But yeah I've gone days with out sleep, being on trains and plans, to get my stories out. I had the link and I needed to get back to tell her I had it. She was fussing me around and it drove me even further to go after it."

"She?"

"Them, the Bartlet's, The Administration." Danny covered himself on his digression.

"Meaning The Press Secretary?"

"Sure, it's her job. But to tell you the truth I don't think she knew anything. As far as she knew I had nothing. Print that. She wasn't lying to me."

"People say your very good friends with CJ Cregg? Care to elaborate?"

"Not in the way you're inferring, I don't get special treatment beyond being Senior Correspondent - but like I said I'm friends with them all - I just spend more time with CJ Cregg. So, well-" Danny got caught up in a thought.

"What?"

"I'm the Senior Correspondent and they know they can trust me to write a good piece on whatever they want me to write on. It comes from me - its legitimate - and they know that. So we scratch each other's back and it helps that we're friends."

"You would think that would have you back there in a second?"

"You'd think?" Danny smirked. Janet opened her mouth "And no I'm not elaborating."

"People from the Walkin camp are hinting CJ Cregg leaked you information for your article before they could announcement it?"

"It's not my fault I found out the info before they could let it go. Walkin's just mad he's not President anymore and that I scooped him. Everyone always makes things up when they get scooped. They had it first - I had it first. I beat them to it - just like a million reporters before me and after me - so their miffed. I know I'd be."

"So CJ Cregg didn't tell you about the announcements and to file?"

Danny looked at her, hating the question, and heard CJ in his mind.

"Danny. Post the story now. Right now."

Danny was still in the present fully aware of what the question meant.

"No." He said sternly. "And you print that." He paused nonchalantly. "I had that story three days before they announced it. I was just waiting for some last minute… confirmation. It was written, and it was ready for print. My editor can back me up on that one."

"Okay."

"Listen I'm sorry to do this, because I hate when people do it to me, but I have a book signing to get to." He stood. "You can ride with me in the car if you want to but, I'm really not the story - just write about the book."

"No, I think I have enough." They shook hands. "Thank you Mr. Concannon - Danny." She really seemed honored. "It was an honor to meet you. Thank you for this."

"No problem."

" I grew up in Dallas so I have been reading your work for a long time. You really do good work."

"Thanks." Danny smiled.

"Well, I just wanted you to know that."

"Well, you asked good questions, thanks." He smiled.

"Thanks." Janet smiled and picked up her things. "Oh." She stopped. "I feel like such fan but…would you sign my book?"

"Oh sure?" Danny was faulted. And amazed how she had been so professional during the interview. He respected that. He hoped it wasn't false, but he hated thinking the worst of people. Even in his job. In fact,he loved meeting people who had that compassion still to do their job and separate. It was something he had to do all the time within himself. It was one of things he remembered he loved about CJ. He remembered when she asked him about a man being ashamed of his gay son even though he was murdered. That was back when she let him kiss her.

"It eludes me." He heard her words and saw her face like he had that day.

"I know." Danny said back to her.

In the present Danny handed the signed book back to Janet and she thanked him and left

Danny picked up his cell phone and dialed the phone.

"Yeah, Maizy, I wanted to be sure about my flight? Yeah…..six am to Chicago. Stay by the phone I may have to change that—I'm waiting for that call still…Yeah. My brother call?….. Call his office; tell him I'll call him when I get in. I have this thing I got to do…Yeah."

Danny hung up the phone and walked toward the window looked out at the amazing day. The sun shown down on the buildings, showing off the heat from the outside, and reflecting back to those inside - it was indeed an always beautiful day. "Movie Stars and swimming pools." Danny thought to himself. He took his phone up to his face and flipped it open pushing a few buttons before bringing it to his ear and mouth.

Danny listened, staring out at the palm trees, as an automated voice came onto the phone.

"Current temperature in Washington, D.C. is: 45 degrees Fahrenheit Cloudy. With winds 10 miles per hour. The Barometer is 30.29 and rising. Relative Humidly s 53 percent. Feel's 40 degrees. Chance of snow. Thank you and have a nice day."

Danny looked out and flipped closed his phone. How he missed Washington.

**Song:** Pain In My Heart - Otis Redding

_Pain in my heart  
she's treating me cold  
where can my baby be  
Lord no one knows._

Pain in my heart just won't let me sleep  
where can my baby be  
Lord where can she be

CJ put down the magazine, with Danny's interview, and swung her chair to the side looking off out her window. She looked wistful and lonely.

_Another day, has began to get tough  
I say I want you back, come back, come back, baby, 'I've had enough  
A little pain in my heart just won't let me be  
wake up at restless nights  
Lord and I can't even sleep_

_Stop this little pain in my heart_

Danny sat in the car, provided for him to go to the signing, looking longingly out the window at the sun-trenched city, while CJ watched the snowfall outside her office.

_Another day, has began to get tough  
I want you to love me, love me, love me, baby, 'till I get enough  
Pain in my heart, a little pain in my heart  
stop this little pain in my heart  
stop this little pain in my heart_  
someone stop this pain  
someone stop this pain


	14. Berlin to Brussels: APRIL

On The Road With Danny Concannnon: **Brussels to Berlin**

**Title**: "On Hold."

**Disclaimer:** Not mine

**Companion Piece:** ACCESS **5.18**

* * *

Danny finished watching CJ's documentary on his laptop as the train passed wilderness beside him. Danny really wasn't supposed to see the special, but he knew people at Access and cashed in some favors to be "slipped" a copy - only with the promise that Danny couldn't print or tell of anything he saw. Danny didn't care about any of that. Danny just wanted to see her and see her he did. He watched the goings on at the White House and Danny felt that rush of adrenaline and that pain of longing for the chase around that neck of the woods. He had almost forgotten what it felt like. It was like watching home movies of his youth with the feelings of nostalgia it brought. He marveled at how big Gail was getting and how much it meant to him that CJ still kept Gail around. It was like she was keeping a little reminder of him around. It made him feel like he was always around to watch over her, and make her feel safe.

And speaking of home movies: seeing a young CJ only made Danny fall in love with her more. He laughed at the pictures he knew she would "freak" over if she knew he was seeing them. What made Danny take most notice, besides getting to see CJ, conversational CJ and not just Press Secretary CJ, his favorite CJ, he got to see the CJ he knew, the CJ he remembered. What ever had been troubling CJ had seemed to fade away. She was smart, on the nose, and had that special glint back in her eye. It made Danny happy to see it; happy to see that whatever dark cloud was over her had seemed to dissipate. He saw moments of her frustrations, but that was normal. At least for the moment and he hoped it wasn't a fluke. He pained himself to help her when he saw the pain in her eyes over her family and he wanted to reach out to her. He wanted to make it go away. He wanted to hold her, talk to her, and make her feel safe. Maybe watching the DVD wasn't the best idea.

Danny looked down at a clipping he had cut out when he was in the states. It was of CJ and a man. A man only identified as a "ranger" in the caption under the picture. Danny looked at the picture again seeing something. He couldn't help notice it, but it was the look. The look he saw CJ give him many times. The look he waited all day, some weeks, for and cherished every moment. It was in the cracks of her smile, or the look behind the eyes. Anyway she would give it to him, upside down or clockwise, it was the look. The look he saw in pictures when she gazed at her secret service agent when she was stalked, the look he saw her give the man he didn't know, the Ranger. It was a look he loved to see, but sadden to see when he wasn't around. It was a look of recognition and understanding and underneath it all affection. Affection, the word ran into his head. He wanted CJ to be happy, but it still hurt him, he never thought it would take him so long to shake her. Wait, of course he had, he knew, but never feared it was true and would be his undoing.

After a moment of thoughts and gazes out the window Danny took out his cell phone and dialed the white house.

"White House Press Office." Carol sounded distracted as she picked up the phone. "Hey, Carol." Danny said in his familiar tones.

"Danny." Carol had had more pep than could fill a large carport of vehicles.

"She's in her office. Hold on." Carol spoke with excitement at not just hearing his voice, but also because Danny had called when CJ was in.

"No, Carol. Wait. I don't want to talk to her." Carol sat down having just about sprung out of her seat to push the hold button.

"You don't?"

"I mean I called to talk to you."

"You do? I mean you did?"

"Carol—"

"Danny, no I can't—"

"I just want some information—"

"-Oh, no I don't—"

"-Not that kind of information—"

"-About CJ. I don't think so either—"

"Carol. Who's this Ranger guy—"

"Ben? How do you know about Ben?" Danny knew from the sentence structure that he was right all along.

"So, she's with this guy?—"

"You didn't know-"

"-No."

"Damn."

"It's my job Carol."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Who is he?"

"They use to-date. In college—well Grad school and a little more after that."

"Are they together?"

"It looks like it—" She tried to say it delicately.

"Okay." Danny had to take it like man.

"Danny, you're not here—"

"I know-."

"-I don't know what happened between you two—"

"-Carol—"

"-And I don't need to know. It's none of my business. Okay I want to know, but it's not my place to ask. But CJ just hasn't been happy lately. I've done everything to try and make her laugh; my pep meter is going out of control. I don't know if I can be any more perky or upbeat-"

"I think you have it in you Carol."

"And since you're not here and you can't-"

"He makes her happy?"

"I've actually seen her smile. " Carol wasn't sure she should say more.

"Good. She does need that."

"But, you make her smile different."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Yes, Danny. You're sure you don't want to talk to her?"

"No." Danny looked out his window.

"But, good try Carol. You're a fun girl. I do miss being around there."

"Same here. You're the only one who ever talked to me—"

"What?"

"Yeah, they all act like I'm this stone statue. The gatekeeper to see Ms. CJ Cregg. You were the only one who paid me any notice. I appreciate that." The other line lit up on Carol's phone. " Oh wait. Hold on. I'll be right back, she has another call." Carol clicked on line two. "CJ Cregg's office."

"Yes, Tony she's expecting your call, hold on." Carol pushed hold and pocked her head into CJ's office. CJ was nose deep in paper work.

"Tony Russo is on line two."

"Yeah." CJ looked up at the phone. "Carol?" Carol turned back again. "Line one?" Carol got a devilish look on her face as she thought of her answer.

"Yeah, line one."

CJ hit the speaker button and released her hand leaning back in her chair. "Yeah, CJ Cregg."

"CJ?" Danny was surprised to hear CJ's voice on the other end shoving him up in top attention on the backrest of his chair.

"Danny?" Her voice equaled Danny's voice as CJ lost her balance and fell off her chair. "Whoaaa." Crash.

"CJ?" Danny asked hearing the sound. "CJ?" He was concerned, but not surprised.

"Yeah." CJ wrapped her hands on the top of her desk and pulled herself up

"What are you doing on my phone?"

"I could ask you the same question?" He joked not knowing what to do. CJ hit the speaker button back and picked up the receiver.

"I asked you first?"

"It's my phone."

"Well on this end it's mine too, so.."

"What are we doing here, this is pointless banter…..I thought you were Tony Russo?"

"I was holding for Carol, I was just checking on… something."

"Oh." There was a pause. CJ sat herself down, still in shock that she was hearing the sound of his voice.

"You changed your hair color?"

"You called to tell me I changed my hair color?" CJ was confused for sure.

"No, I was just sayin'-I mean it looks good." Danny looked to the side regretting his choice of words.

"Thanks." She said letting him in a little as she felt herself melting into the sweet tones of his voice.

"I personally like you as a red head, but I'll take what I can get."

"A girl needs a little variety."

"How's the fish?"

"Fish is good, how's the boy?"

"That's me?" he joked not feeling like much of a boy, but he knew what the reference meant.

"Yeah." She smirked and ran her fingers into the curls of the phone cord.

"Good."

"Where is the boy?"

"Well, I was in Berlin, but I'm on my way to Brussels."

"Really? We're going to Brussels in two weeks."

"Ahh, I'll be gone."

"Figures." She said crossly, but part of her was happy. She might compromise herself when she saw him next. A new place and her missing him so much. "Brussels?" CJ pounded. "I always thought that was the strangest name for a city. Makes me think of my toothbrush?"

"I see." He wanted to laugh at how amazing and funny she was. Why the whole world wasn't in love with her he had no idea. "I'm sure they find Sacramento just as perplexing."

"How was Germany?" She asked before taking an aside to herself. "I liked Germany. The beer…" She mused off.

"Yeah, Me too." There was a moment while CJ played with her hair and felt very dreamlike. "The food is good."

"Not many people agree with me on that, but I like it! You can have Chinese food anywhere." CJ was excited about her own views.

"Sure, but sometimes nothing beats a nice egg roll." Danny laughed.

"With a nice beer."

"Those little white boxes aren't half bad either."

"Yeah." She paused. "You call for a reason?" CJ took a look out her window.

"To talk to Carol." He said lying through his teeth.

"Oh, yeah." She said with a sigh.

"Yeah."

"So I guess, you're done?" She said longingly.

"Yeah." He said with nostalgia. There was a pause. "You're not hanging up."

"I know." She said listlessly.

"How's the fish?" He asked again.

"You asked that already." She said in her daze.

"How's the girl?"

"Humm…girl's good."

"Good?"

"Good."

"Good." He paused. "CJ you don't seem too happy?" Danny confessed. "Has something been wrong?" Danny didn't want to ask about her father or her situation, but wanted her to know he was there.

"You can tell that over the phone?"

"From the briefings."

"Oh."

"You just seem—"

"-I'm fine.-"

"-Different."

"I'm not." She defended herself.

"You're not having fun, CJ?"

"Fun? I'm taking about economic decline and tanks and bombs and death. Yeah, I'll put on a party hat. In fact I'm saving up some quips for the next time one of the chief Justice dies."

"That's not what I mean, you always have fun, CJ. You're always at your best that way. You don't joke anymore." Danny felt now was the time to be honest before CJ lost her footing and fell back down again.

"I joke!" She defended herself.

"You're different CJ."

"I'm not—"

"I know."

"You think you know me so well." She said with sass.

"Cause I do." CJ knew he was right. "Why did you think I did the whole Chicken thing? I was trying to make you laugh?"

"You were playing with me."

"Yeah, I was playing with you….but I wanted to make you laugh, too."

"Didn't work." She said slyly.

"Yeah, I know." He trailed his words off. CJ started to laugh. "What?" CJ tried to contain her laughing, but it formed into a large cackle.

"Sorry. Sorry. It just hit me. Carol's face when she gave me your message." CJ's laugh burst out of her again. "Man, I must have been in a bad mood not to laugh at that.."' She calmed her laugher. "Ahh, that was great." She sighed. "I guess that is new for me lately?" CJ wiped her eyes of tears.

"What?"

"Laughing."

"See." Danny paused and CJ took a moment to observe Danny's gift.

"Thanks, Danny." She laughed. "Thank you" she said sincerely. She paused for a moment. She couldn't tell him he wasn't the only one who made her laugh theses days. "I read the article." Danny lowered his head on his side.

"I wouldn't…"

"It's okay, you don't have to say it. But, thank you. Really, thank you." Danny lying for her, meant so much.

"No, problem."

"So, I'm half way through your book." She said gleefully getting off the subject.

"And . . ."

"The first half, I don't know, the part when the republican is tThe President. Not so much. But that other part, when the Democrats took over. I don't know. It had something . . ." She smiled a large smile.

"It's supposed to be a look at two different administrations-."

"Yeah, I got that, thank you." She laughed.

"My editor's idea."

There was a silence.

"It's good Danny." She said sincerely.

"Thanks."

"But you know I'm a big fan of your work."

"Yeah. My work." There was another silence.

"Congratulations on the Pulitzer." CJ leaned on her desk and into the receiver.

"Thanks." Danny felt humble.

"That's so great, Danny. Really." CJ spoke from her heart. "Really, great."

"Even after what I wrote it about?" He joked sincerely.

"Yeah, well. But it's still great. You deserve it, really." She said bitter sweetly.

"When's the ceremony?"

"May. Twenty- fifth I think. In New York."

"Yeah." She knew where it was. There was another silence. Danny looked out his window at the passing countryside.

"I was thinking about you." CJ said sleepy-like, almost forgetting where she was."I mean." CJ was brought back to reality. "We had a film crew in here—"

"Yeah I saw the tape." Danny didn't realize his blunder he was too enamored with CJ's voice.

"—I had to go through old briefing tapes and well…. there you were."

"Yeah, I would be." He joked.

"Yeah." CJ said, thinking of the past. "Wait, you saw that tape, how—"

"I know people—" Danny joked.

"Danny—" CJ got serious and concerned.

"Don't worry CJ. I'm not reporting on it. I promised my friend I wouldn't write or talk about anything I saw. He was repaying a favor that's all."

"Who's your friend?" CJ asked as she fished.

"'Well, that's going to stay between me and my friend.

"Yeah." CJ took a breath. "What did you think of the piece?"

Danny smiled at the fact that she didn't seem to like that he saw it, but was still curious how she came off.

"No, one outside this office has seen it.. It would be good to hear from an outside eye. Not that you're an outside eye, but." CJ tried to cover herself and Danny marveled how he still could read her mind.

"I liked it." Danny paused. "I don't think they got the whole story—" He laughed. "But I liked it. You looked good."

"Josh said 'we' looked so young." CJ bemused.

"We were."

"Yeah." CJ and Danny held another silence. Danny felt like he could hear her heart beat through the phone.

"You know, I'd be there if I could. I just—"

"-I know-"

"-I'm so busy and—" Danny was lying.

"I know, I know—" CJ lowered her head as the awkwardness between them set in again. She ran her hand over her forehead.

"But CJ." He paused. 'If you ever need someone to talk to, I know I can't be there in person, but—"

"Hey, CJ." Toby knocked on the frame of CJ's door with a cup of coffee in his other hand. CJ raised her head in a static knee jerk reaction as she was taken out of her world with Danny and into the reality of where she was.

"Toby, she's on the phone—." Carol could be heard as she tried to stop Toby.

"I tried to stop him." Carol appeared in the doorway. Toby looked at her funny.

"Come on, we got that thing in the mural." Toby took a swig of his coffee. CJ put her hand over the receiver

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Toby didn't move. "'I'll be right there."

"Okay?" Toby put his hands up and walked away followed by Carol.

.

CJ took a breath and lifted her hand off the receiver.

"Danny . . ." She didn't know what to say. "'I'm sorry, I have this thing-."

"Yeah, I understand." But of course Danny didn't.

"No, really, I do have to go. I have this thing—"

"-I understand." Danny sounded deflated.

"I really do, Danny."

"No problem."

"It's not."

"Go, go. You need to go."

"Yeah."

"CJ?"'

"Yeah."

"You happy?"

"I said I was Danny?"

"Cause you know all I want is for you to be happy."

"I know." She said softly.

"Is he nice?"

"Danny?"

"Never mind."

"Danny?"

"No, no. Nothing." He paused. "You really liked the book?"

"Yes." She paused briefly. "Yes I did. I do."

"Good. Keep it." He said confidently. "I'll be back for it."

CJ took a breath wondering if she should tell Danny about Ben. He had hinted he knew, but she didn't want to go there. She also had to go on with her life, but in her heart of hearts she wanted Danny to do what he had hinted in the inscription of his book: to wait.

"Bye Danny." She said bitter-sweetly.

"Yeah." Danny hung up the phone. CJ took a breath and wiped a tear from under her eye.

Carol appeared at the door.

"Toby said he'll meet you over there."

"Okay?" CJ hung up the phone.

"You have a fun conversation with Tony Russo?" Carol said with a hint of something evil.

"He wasn't on the phone. But, Danny was?" CJ insinuated Carol knew something about it.

"He was?" She lied through her teeth. "I must have confused the lines." She smiled. "Danny was on one, and Tony was one two? Didn't I say that?"

"No."

"Oh well." Carol walked out of the office. "I'm sure he'll call back." CJ gave Carol a cross look. "They're waiting for you!" Carol yelled from her office.

"Men waiting for me." CJ said dryly to herself. "I'm creating a pattern." CJ walked past her shelves and slid her hand over the binding of Danny's book and walked out of the office.

On his train ride to Brussels Danny hung up his phone and took a look at CJ's picture still frozen, from the documentary, on his computer. He hit the mouse keypad enlarging the picture, and again, and a third time, until she filled the entire screen. After a moment Danny pushed the laptop closed and stared out the window of his cabin.

LOVE HER LIKE ME

Elton John

You can take her  
Make her change her name  
You and your old money  
Dance around the flame  
But you can never, never love her like me

You can charm her  
Calm her when she's wild  
Show a little comfort  
Play with her inner child  
But you can never, never love her like me

So I just close my eyes and steal her away when you sleep  
Sneak her in my dreams every single day of the week  
You may have her in real world but if you could only see  
How we rock this room in the twilight zone  
And you can never, never love her like me

You can warm her  
Charm her with your style  
I know you convinced her  
She's the love of your life  
And no, you'll never, never love her like me

You can bless her  
Keep her conscience clean  
You can undress her  
Go all the places I've been  
But you'll never, never love her like me

And Danny closed his eyes.


	15. Chicago Revisited: APRIL

ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY: **Chicago Revisited**

**Title: **"Tina"

**Companion Piece: **None

* * *

Danny took the worn down business card from his wallet and stared at it. He looked up at the address and it was correct. What was he doing, he thought. Oh, what the hell. Danny walked into the small downstairs room that was illuminated with low lighting. It had been a month since the woman had come up to him on the street. Never in a million years would Danny Concannon find himself going to a psychic but the circumstances seemed so strange, as a man of curiosity first and foremost he couldn't stop thinking about it. She had never asked him for money and the fact that she had seemed compelled to run after him. The journalist in him had his interest peaked. Danny thought that seven years ago, before he met CJ, he would have never found himself in this situation. Was it her state of mind that had rubbed off on him or was it her presence in his life that made him believe in things like fate and destiny? He wasn't sure.

"You came?" said a voice from behind the beads.

"Yeah?" Danny said with a sheepish blow of air making his voice a rasp.

"The man with the amazing aura. I'm glad you decided to come." She appeared to Danny.

"Shouldn't you know I was going to come?" He joked.

"We don't work that way." She smiled. "Besides we all have free will, we all have decisions. You made a choice. Come in." Danny looked around and took a step further into the room.

"I'm here on merely journalistic intentions."

"What kind of reporting do you usually do?' She said with a bit of sarcasm.

"Politics."

"I can see how I could help." Again she said it with a hint of sarcasm as she sat down at the round table in the center of the room.

"Well, that depends." Danny laughed with a small hint of uncomfortably. "Who's gonna win the next Presidential election?" He put his hands in his pockets.

"Again, I don't do that."

"Okay." Danny stood and nodded his head.

"But thanks for the encouragement." She smiled slyly.

"No Problem."

"You gonna sit?"

"Yeah?"

"Sit."

"Yeah." Danny didn't sit.

"I don't bite."

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"-Don't usually do this type of thing?"

"Yeah."

"You don't have to-"

"-No, no. That's why I'm here, isn't it." Danny took a breath and pulled out the chair for himself. He leaned his arms on the table folded in. They looked at each other for a moment. Tina coughed politely. Danny didn't get it. He looked around wondering when the show was going to start.

"Danny, I don't do this for free. I have a kid to-"

"-Oh yeah, sorry." Danny took his wallet out of his back pocket. "How much?"

"Twenty."

Danny nodded his head and placed a twenty-dollar bill in front of him, sliding it across the scarf-covered table to Tina.

"Thank you." She smiled politely and folded the bill into her pocket.

"Your hand." Tina reached her arms out for Danny to bring his hand closer.

"Does it matter which one?"

"No."

"Okay." Danny reached his arm and hand into the center and Tina took the hand in her two hands. She felt the indentions in the palm of his hand and let her fingers sooth Danny into relaxing. She closed her eyes and felt Danny's hand.

"You have a very stressful job."

"Not to me."

"You work late. You're tired a lot."

"I can be."

"Don't work yourself too hard."

"Is my mother speaking through you now?"

"Be quiet." Tina opened her eyes. "And I don't do that. You've seen Ghost too many times."

"No, I haven't."

"Shh - Just talk as I ask. Don't be such a smart mouth."

"I'm not usually, but I've spent to much time with someone back home. She's rubbing off on me."

"Home? Not Michigan."

"You know that from holding my palm?"

"I know that by your accent."

"Oh."

"You've left something behind—home- something you love. Two things you love." Danny took a gulp.

"Yes."

"You're in love."

"In so many ways."

"I see a wall. I don't know if it's physical or internal, but it is man made." Tina ran her fingers over Danny's palm smoothing the center with her thumb. "And this is why you can't be with her."

Danny was floored. Was he reading into what Tina was saying because it really seemed to be hitting close to home?

"Do you want me to continue?"

Danny paused for a moment taking in what he had been hearing.

"Yes." He said softly full of emotion.

"So this is true?"

"It sounds it."

"You have been in love with her for a long time, since first sight, she is the one."

"Yes." Danny said slowly.

"You may be unsure sometimes, but she loves you too, she may not even be able to admit it herself but she does…and this wall- this man made device is what keeps her from admitting it to herself, but…she keeps a reminder of you on her...her nightstand-no her desk, she keeps something you gave her, and its orange? Orange?….she keeps it on her desk to always remind her of you."

Danny took in too many breaths that curdled his throat.

"Could I have a glass of water? I'm sorry."

"Yes." Tina turned around and poured Danny a glass of ice water. Danny caught silently thanked her as he downed half the glass.

"Thank you." Danny took a breath.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Danny relaxed himself.

"Should I continue?"

"Yeah."

She took his hand again, taking a moment to find where she had been with him.

"She still loves you and that's why you're away from her because you can't be together, she did something that made it harder...you can't get over her."

"No."

"You're waiting for her?"

"Yes."

"Because it's getting closer?"

"Yes."

"If you wait she will come around. I see her as part of your aura. This is what you wish to come true isn't it? This is what I caught in you! You are a kind and sweet, and thoughtful man Danny Concannon. Honest and trustworthy, you do good things."

"I'm a reporter, I told you that.-" Danny tried to pull his hand away, but Tina kept it in her hold.

"I see letters. Two letters. Your love, this woman, no one sees her as her true self. Not like you, but you still call her by another name. She is always under the guise of another?" Tina paused. "She has a nickname? Yes. A nickname. She is her true born self to no one, not even you in this way. They call her something else. The men in her life. She is someone else."

"Yes, she has a nickname."

"Makes her feel like one of them."

'Yes." Danny laughed.

"Two letters. Initials."

"Yes." Danny couldn't believe how close she was getting. "In the place with your name she also has your name. And someday will have both your names."

"You see this?"

"I see you love her and she loves you. But we all have decisions. You want to give up?"

"Sometimes. What do you mean the place with my name?"

"I don't know, its what I see. Sometimes it's hard for me to describe. I keep seeing letters in the alphabet. They all seem similar, but I can't see what they are. I know she is in the place, like her name, is your name?" She paused. "It's harder to be away, so you stay away?"

"Yes. She…she compromised her job for me I can't let her do that. I loved that she did it. I love her for it. But I can't let her do it again."

"And you love her."

"I need to shake it."

"You won't. Her aura and yours are mixed. We all have a soul that is intermingled with us. She is yours although you don't have her yet."

"It is in the stars?" Danny said with humor.

"Meant, yes. When we meet our sworn lover, our friend, our companion, it all falls into place and the body knows it. You fell in love with her at first sight and you didn't know why?"

"Yes." Danny remembered the moment and his heart hurt.

"And then when you got to know her you learned why you loved her."

"Yes. It all fit."

"That's how it works - but you still have choices to make. You make the choice." She let go of Danny's hand. "Give me your other hand."

Danny gave her his other hand.

"You have a very long life line." She told him Danny.

"I do. Good." He laughed.

"Yes, and I see children."

"Children? I'm getting a little old to have a family."

"I see at least one child. Maybe more."

"You do?"

"Red haired children with their red haired mother, or is she blond?" Tina was confused. "Her hair keeps changing colors-"

"That's my girl." He lowered his head and smiled.

Tina let go of his hand and placed his sweetly on the table.

"I think we're done for now."

"Okay," he said softly.

"Was that okay?"

"It was interesting that's for sure." Danny got up. "Thank you. I should be going anyway." Danny felt like jelly not knowing what to think about what had just happened to him.

"Anytime man with the amazing aura. You are destined for great things."

"If you mean New York and Colombia University in May. You're right." Danny said in a joking manner.

"You're getting a Pulitzer?"

"Another one." Danny said trying not to sound proud. "But aren't you - that's right you don't do that kind of stuff." Danny walked for the door.

"A moment of happiness will come to you there. Trust it. Enjoy the moment Danny. Enjoy it." She smiled those all knowing and penetrating eyes.

Danny smiled unsure what to make of it and started to leave.

"Wait." He turned around. " I never told you my last name, and you knew it."

"I said I don't guess elections and awards…your name I can do-not always-"

"Yeah."

"Your name fits you."

"Yeah?"

"So tell me where are you from? What's home now?" She paused." Any idea what I meant by the initials and your name?"

"You want me to translate what you said?"

"Hey, I'm just as curious as you?"

"I work in Washington DC." Danny paused. "The place that's like my name? DC." He laughed. "I just got it."

"Yeah, I saw that."

" She's in DC?"

"Yeah, she's in DC."

"In so many ways."

Danny thanked her and left the building.


	16. The Baltic’s, Tokyo & Nashville: APRIL

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **The Baltic's-Tokyo-& Nashville**

**Title:** "Phone calls."

**Companion Piece:** (Takes place between) _Talking Points_ **5.18** & before _No Exit_ **5.19**

**Spoilers:** Separation Of Powers **5.7**

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

* * *

**Estonia: "Ms. American Pie."- April 7th CJ Time: 6:34 am**

* * *

Danny moved his body backwards in his seat, away from his laptop, and dialed her cell phone.

CJ walked to work and picked up her cell phone, so tired she hadn't even checked the display.

"I was hoping you could help me with the lyrics to American Pie?"

"Danny?"

"I have it on good authority you might be able to help me in that area?"

"Bye, bye Ms. American Pie?"

"Is it true Ms. Cregg, off the record, you were seen getting drunk with Senator Pierce?"

"Who hasn't gotten drunk with Senator Pierce?" She said with her infamous sarcasm.

"True."

"How did you—"

"I have a very loyal subscription to the Lyman times."

"I'm gonna kill um.."

"Don't do that."

"Why?"

"Cause it's not nice." He paused. "And you have no where to hide the body."

"You know - did he tell you he got drunk first, and I wasn't drunk, I was just having fun. Someone around here has to-"

"-Pierce got Josh drunk? Josh gets drunk just looking at the alcohol fermenting in the glass. In fact, saying you got Lyman drunk is a little redundant isn't it? You know 'cause it's so easy, it happens all the time. Like putting on your pants."

"One leg at a time." CJ smirked

"No, not what I was going for, but hey I'll take it."

"Sure."

"But no, he did leave out that little tidbit of information."

"I'll have to remind Josh of that all day." Her eyes glittered

"Glad I could help."

"I'm at the gate." She insinuated to Danny.

"Yeah?"

CJ flashed her badge of the man at the gate.

"I'm going to work. I'm on my way in. Any other reason you called - you need to find the lyrics to Margaretville, because I think Toby is the real Jimmy buffet fan? May I suggest you google it?"

"No. I'm done."

CJ stepped on the seal in the lobby.

"Bye."

"Bye."

And Danny hung up. CJ smiled and walked through the Lobby.

Danny leaned forward on his laptop and finished his email to Josh.

"Thanks." He typed and pushed send.

* * *

**Latvia: "The Dinner" –April 8th CJ Time: 6:45 am**

* * *

"Yes?" CJ answered her phone knowing the number, but being unsure.

"So the President was pretty funny at the dinner last night?"

"The correspondent's dinner? Danny how are you getting this number?" CJ pulled into the carport and flashed her badge to the guard making small talk as the rain drizzled down; another day to drive to work.

"Has it changed?" Danny asked as CJ tried to maneuver the wheel toward her spot.

"No."

"Josh gave it to me."

"Remind me to ring his neck." She landed the on K like she would on Josh's neck.

"Don't do that."

"Why?"

"'Cause it isn't nice."

CJ set her gearshift in park and began to collect her things.

"I didn't see you there?"

"CSPAN."

"Ahh." CJ made her way out of her car into the cold drizzle.

"You write any of the jokes?" Danny teased her.

"No." CJ slammed her door closed.

"Can I ask what was with the joke about the onion?"

"I stopped asking." CJ adjusted the phone as she adjusted her purse strap and began her walk to the front lobby door.

"You guys really need Sam, he brought the funny. They forgot the funny?"

"I thought you said you liked it?" CJ teased him back.

"I found it amusing, but when you're used to tenderloin sometimes hamburger's not so appealing, in comparison, but I'm good with hamburger ...for now—But if it means calling you…"

"Is this going to become a thing?" CJ made her hellos at the door and crossed the seal making her footsteps echo. .

"It could be a thing?"

"You calling me?" CJ found herself in another corridor

"Could be a thing."

"Not a thing." CJ made her way down Josh's bullpen corridor to her office.

"Really, I think this is a thing. Not the thing you're saying it is, but it's a thing, everything is a thing. And yeah this could be a thing… Don't tell me you're not enjoying this? The thing I mean."

"Well-"

"-I'll take that as a yes." CJ crossed the threshold of her office.

"Take it how you want?" CJ tried not to let him now she was smirking.

"Okay."

"You done?" CJ's purse hit her desk next to Gail.

"Yeah."

Danny hung up and CJ couldn't help from laughing. Danny couldn't help but laugh himself, in a way he hadn't laughed in a long time.

* * *

**Leaving Latvia: "Lunch?" April 9th CJ Time: 2:22pm**

* * *

"Wasn't sure if you were going to pick up?" Danny said in his slyest voice adjusting himself in his airplane seat.

"So, this is going to become a thing?" CJ stood over her desk.

"It's a thing as long as you make it a thing?"

"This conversation has become tiresome." She said with fanned anger.

"On this end… I'm pretty much scintillated." He tried to hold in the giddiness he got from riling her up.

"You would be." She tried not to smile at the banter as well.

"Why, thank you Ma'am." Danny joked.

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry Ma'am"

"I'm getting this number changed." CJ said crossly.

"I'd just get the new one." Danny joked.

"Not with Josh around…" She bemused.

"You could of course stop taking my calls."

"Also true." She said with a little humor.

"Any false answers in this multiple choice quiz?"

"Many, many my friend."

"New York Times."

"I'm sorry?"

"My book is on the New York Times-"

"-Best sellers list-I saw—number nine now is it?"

"And counting…"

"And counting…."

"Glad you noticed…"

Carol entered the room and Danny heard her voice in the background.

"They said all they have are a few bagels and a raisin muffin."

"That's it?" CJ put her hand on the speaker end of the phone.

"That's it." Carol's inflection went up at the end as if to say she was sorry

"I just want food. I'll take it." CJ grumbled.

"Yeah." Carol walked out.

"Having food issues?"

"When don't I?" She said with sarcasm.

"Never."

"Okay, you got me there." She said dryly.

"You were lying?"

"No it was just sarcasm."

"How could I have missed that?" He joked, for sarcasm was CJ's bread and butter.

"I'm very dry."

Danny laughed softly.

"CJ, you have time for Greg Brock." Danny heard Carol's voice.

"Yeah." CJ yelled. "Speaking of _The Times_. Got to go."

CJ flipped the phone closed.

* * *

**Lithuania "Missing You Over Coffee" April 10th CJ time: 4:15pm**

* * *

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hello this is CJ Cregg on her cell phone. If this is a business matter please call my assistant Carol in The Press Office. Otherwise please leave a message at the tone."

The voicemail beeped and Danny hung up. He knew any message he left right now she wouldn't return. They would get there, but right now it wasn't reality.

* * *

**Tokyo: "Fishing & Water Life." April 12th CJ Time: 11:21 pm.**

* * *

"Danny, I had this number changed?"

"'Cause of me?"

"No. No…..I mean it helps." She joked. " No. I dropped my phone…" She took a breath. " In the fish bowl."

"How did you do that?"

"Long story." She trailed off thinking of the embarrassment

"Must be. You and water."

"I know."

"You didn't hurt the fish did you?"

"No, just a very expensive cell phone."

"Where are you?" Danny wasn't sure of the sound he just heard.

"No where? Where are you?" She said defensively.

"I asked first."

"Danny?"

"Are you taking a bath?" Danny could hear the splash of water.

"Ahh…" CJ brought her hand up causing the water to sound even more.

"You are." Danny started to laugh and smile. "Hello?" Danny asked before laughing again when he realized CJ had hung up.

* * *

**Leaving Tokyo: "Dinner at the Oval." April 13th CJ Time: 7:09**

* * *

"Yeah?" CJ sounded distracted almost like she was smiling through her teeth,

"Where are you?" Danny sat alone in a chair of many in the ghost town like airport terminal.

"I'm having dinner." She still sounded odd as her inflection went up at the end. Danny could hear the noise of people.

"I'm going to check on our table." Danny heard a man's voice.

"I'll meet you at the bar." CJ said.

"Who was that?"

"Danny." CJ sounded like she was sneaking as her voice lowered to a rasp.

"What?"

"You can't keep calling me like this… Excuse me. Excuse me." CJ pushed through some people to get to a clear place.

"CJ, I'm a reporter, you're the Press Secretary I need to talk to you." This of course was not Danny's real motive. Not now, not this time.

"Then call the office during normal business hours like a normal person."

"You just used the word normal twice in that sentence." Danny smiled

"I'm sorry I left my thesaurus in my other dress." CJ looked up and around for someone.

"You're wearing a dress..?"

"What?' Danny spoke, but his words faded in and out. "Wait," CJ put her hand to her ear. "I can't hear you." CJ looked around and finally decided to duck into the coatroom. She made her way through a few sets of coats like it was a forest and set herself in the center of a small chair between two furs by the door. The sounds of outside where deafen either by the coats or the fact that she was in another room. She wasn't sure.

"Okay, what are you saying?"

"I said. "You're wearing a dress?"

"Yes. Off the shoulder. Red."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I don't know why I felt the need to share that with you." She said dryly.

"Where are you?"

"Right now? The coat room." She looked around.

"The coat room?"

"I couldn't hear you,"

"So you ducked into the coat room?"

"Yes." CJ felt stupid

"Nice place?"

"The Oval."

"I love the Oval. Best restaurant in town I'd say."

"Yeah. I would too." CJ smiled.

"What ya havin'?"

"I haven't eaten yet?"

"When you do?"

"I think I'll have the fish."

"Good choice."

"I like the sword fish."

"They have great salmon."

"I love that special sauce they put on it.."

"What special sauce?"

"The pink sauce."

"I haven't had the pink sauce. Must have come about while I was away"

"You have to have the pink sauce. If you come back for only one thing you have to come back to have the pink sauce."

"I'd come back for other things first."

"Danny…" She looked down.

"I know." He knew he was doing it and he had to stop.

"You can't keep calling me like this." She looked away.

"Just ask me to stop and I'll stop."

"I like that you call Danny, but you just can't keep calling like this." She laughed but it was more of a laugh of despair. CJ felt tortured. "Like this…"

"Why are you hiding in the coat room?"

"I'm not hiding in the coat room." She leaned a little and a coat whacked her in the face surprising her and swooping her hair in her face. CJ sent her hair back away from her "When are you coming back?"

"I don't know."

"Same here."

"Huh?"

"The answer to my hiding question."

"Ahh."

There was a pause and CJ leaned forward on her elbows

"You on a date?"

"I don't think I should tell you that Danny."

"I think you just did."

"I guess I did."

"You know I won't stop calling."

"I know." She said softly

"But if you wish…. I won't call as much."

"Okay." There was a sense of sadness in CJ's voice as if she was about to cry. She held her hand over her month for a moment to hold it in. She took a breath and shook her head.

"Good." Danny said in his saddest voice, a rasp just about on the cusp of his voice.

"As you wish CJ." He paused in his soft tone. "Always as you wish. You just can't make me stop…calling you."

"I have to go." CJ thought his words would make her loose it. She leaned over and put her hand over her forehead.

"Okay." Danny nodded his head on his line for a moment. Danny leaned over in his seat holding the phone in front of him. He just stared at it. CJ hung up the phone and stayed in the coatroom for a moment before leaving.

* * *

**Nashville: "The rub." April 17th CJ Time: 10:20 pm**

* * *

CJ picked up the phone on her end of the line.

"Daddy." She wailed. "I'm coming soon. I told you." She was holding back her tears.

"CJ?"

"Oh." CJ was taken back by Danny's voice and wiped the tears from her cheek. "I thought you were my father." Danny was worried for CJ.

"You really need to check that display before you pick up the phone, there CJ." He tried to make her laugh.

"I wouldn't think you'd like that, it means I'd start missing your calls."

"True."

"I'm glad you called. I was kind of… sitting here…. wishing I had…"

"Someone to talk to?" Danny asked in his all knowing voice.

"Funny huh?" CJ place two fingers between her eyes.

"Yeah funny. Same here." Danny paused. "Your Dad just called?"

"Yeah.." CJ trailed off.

"He doing okay?"

"No, Danny he's not." She said firmly.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." She knew she had snapped at him.

"I shouldn't have…"

"He forgets things—." She said not sure if she wanted to go into it with Danny.

"I know." He said with full passion and understanding. "If there's anything…"

"No. Thank you." She said sincerely.

"No problem." There was a pause between them. "You just wanna talk?"

"Yeah….I'd like that."

"Good," There was a short pause.

"So…where are ya?" CJ asked in her most grounded voice before switching into sarcasm. "What exciting place are you in this time? Spain, Rome, Zimbabwe." She made the last one seem like a joke.

"Nashville."

"Nashville?" CJ laughed. "My mother was born in Tennessee."

"Really?"

"Yeah." CJ lifted her finger under her eye to erase the last of her tears from her check.

"I use to go down there once a year around this time, for Easter, see my grandmother." CJ smiled and paused. "We'd all go out after church and have a big dinner to this one place…. Made the best dry rube. You ever have dry rube?"

"I don't think so."

"You'd know if you had."

"I think I would." He joked.

"Their dry rub beef with spices for a day… You gotta try it. Promise me you'll try it."

"I promise."

"Good."

"Hummm." She leaned back in her chair forgetting the trials of the day. Her phone beeped a call waiting. CJ looked at the phone and her face changed. "Danny I have a call waiting I should.." Her brow furred and Danny seemed to sense it. He could hear it in her voice.

"Your father?"

"Yeah." She took a breath. "Is it bad I don't want to take it?" She said in a kid confessing sounding voice

"No." He said slowly and sweet.

"I have to take it." She told herself and that would have been Danny's answer as well.

"Do you want to call me after you do?"

"Can I?" CJ felt bad having told Danny to stop calling her and now she wanted to call him.

"Yes."

"I'd like that."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Danny hung up and looked at the phone for a moment before discarding it on the bed with a light toss. He stood up and stretched his legs. Danny grabbed the phone and walked over to the dresser where he had made himself a make shift office. He sat himself down in front of his laptop and started to type furiously. Danny stopped after a paragraph and looked at the phone. He couldn't concentrate. Danny picked up the phone and brought it to his mouth. He let it stay there for a moment before lifting himself off the chair and beginning to pace. Danny looked at the phone he kept in his hot little hands and took a breath. He paced again and stopped. Danny looked at the phone and threw it on the bed. After a moment Danny threw himself, back first, onto the bed and covered his face with his arm. What was he doing? Danny reached out his arm onto the bed with a bounce. The phone rang. Danny jumped and wrapped his hand around the phone.

"CJ?" He yelled as he straighten up on the bed.

"Good guess."

"Hey." He said sweetly.

'Hey." She said back in her own version of a mirror image.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, now it is. Thanks." CJ still wasn't in the best shape. She needed someone to talk and Danny could hear that.

CJ leaned her head forward as she lay on her bed, and set her hand on her stomach, playing with the bottom of her suit jacket for a moment and letting go of it to fall beside her. She leaned her head back with a sigh. Danny and CJ held their phones to their ears and looked up at the ceiling. They were now having pillow talk and neither of them knew it.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No, not really…"

"It's not your fault. He has your brothers…"

"Yes, but he looks to me."

"It shouldn't be just on your shoulders.."

"Yeah, I know.." She still felt guilty about it.

"It's hard I know. You feel guilty."

"Tell me about it." CJ played with the phone cord slipping her fingers in and out of it. Her phone beeped again. "Hold on I have another call." CJ looked down and saw the name BEN on her phone.

"Okay." Danny was put on hold and he walked over to his laptop and closed the top to sleep. He and his work needed it. But Danny was more than happy to snuggle up with CJ for the night. Danny lowered himself down on the bed and started to leaf through the New York Times having already read all the good stuff in The Post.

"Yeah, I'm back." CJ clicked back in and Danny let go of the edges the paper and leaned back onto the pillow.

"Who was it? Josh? "

"No one important." She threw it off.

"So who's replaced me?" Danny asked setting the newspaper aside and pushing himself farther up on the pillows.

"I'm sorry?" CJ sat up in her bed.

"Who's in your face? Which reporter's in your office buggin' you the most?" He laughed. "Who took my place?"

"No one can bug me quite like you." She said slyly.

"Ahh thanks." He gave it right back to her.

"Let's see I'd have to say the new guy from The Times."

"He's a jerk. Stay wise to that one." Danny said it like it was knee jerk reaction.

"Why do you say that?"

"Just do CJ."

"Okay?" CJ shook it off and figuratively "dug her heels" into the bed for comfort.

"You still wanna keep talking?" Danny asked like a sweet drink of water.

"Yes, please." CJ said almost like a child.

"What do you want to talk about?"

CJ took a breath.

"Let's talk about you."

"Me?"

"We always talk about me? Tell me about you? Where are you going next?" CJ climbed up onto the pillows and pulled the comforter down pulling herself under the safe, warm, coverings.

"Well, I'll be here for a few days.."

"And you're gonna try dry rub." She demanded.

"And I'm gonna try dry rub." Danny smiled. CJ pulled the comforter over half her body still dressed in her work clothes.

"And then I go to the Ivory Coast—"

"The Africa hot." CJ bemused as her voice tailed off.

'Yeah?"

"Tell me more." Her voice said hazily.

"More?"

"More." She said peacefully.

"…Then I go to South America -" CJ heard Danny's voice trail off and seemed to just zone in on the cadence of his voice.

"Ahh ha…"

"-And things might change, but I need to get to Nebraska at sometime…."

"Ah hummm." CJ's eyes seemed to flutter. She adjusted herself on her pillow changing the phone and leaning on her side.

" And from there I'm either going back to Paris, or I'm going to Texas for some interviews, Pretty much the only thing that's set is I need to be in New York by the middle of May…I might have another book signing in Detroit. It'd be a nice break, but…CJ? You there CJ?"

"Yeah." She said listlessly.

"You're tired. Go to sleep."

"No, I'm listening. Please. Keep talking." She ran her tongue through her sleepy mouth and took a breath in from her noise.

"Okay." Danny smiled. There was a pause while Danny thought of what to say next.

"You know when I was fourteen…I had trouble sleeping…after my mother died." She took a breath. "He'd just sit and talk to me. My father. It didn't matter what. We'd just talk. Even if he had to be away, he'd call me from where ever he was…he'd just talk to me and let me talk?" CJ was surprised she was remembering the moment as it became real in her head.

"I wish I knew you when you were fourteen."

"Me too." CJ mumbled but meaning it with the full voice of the truth as Danny struggled to be sure what she said.

"CJ?"

"Nothing."

"CJ?"

"Just keep talking Danny." CJ asked sweetly and softly as she closed her eyes.

CJ had become this disembodied voice in the night failing into sleep land, but Danny didn't care as he imagined her on the other end of the phone rounding her lips around the words she spoke.

"Okay." Danny sweetly letting it be, he continued talking.

* * *

**Nashville: "The rub." April 17th CJ Time: 5:05**

* * *

Danny found himself lifting his head to the light of a new day. Danny couldn't remember even falling asleep. The last thing he remembered hearing was CJ's voice, talking to her, calming away her fears with his endless stories, and in the process calming himself. Danny heard her breath and her sound and wasn't sure if he was still dreaming or awake. Danny turned his head to the left and found himself face to face with his cell phone. He smiled even though it wasn't her. He smiled for both the sweetness that they had both fallen asleep talking and for the bitter sweetness of the fact she wasn't really there. Danny and CJ had finally slept together even if it was in separate beds in separate states.

Danny picked the phone up to his ear and was about to clip the phone closed when he heard her breathing. He stopped just wanting to hear her sleep. He didn't want to do it. This would be the kind of thing his therapist would call, "unhealthy." Well, if he actually saw his therapist on a regular basis, like he promised his friend in New York.

Danny swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself off it. He still heard CJ fuss and he could hear the movement of her tossing. Danny walked over to the window and decided he needed to say something.

"Danny?" But CJ got to him first.

"Yeah?" Danny spoke softly and sweetly. "Good Morning sleepy head."

"Did we?"

'Yeah, I think we did." Danny laughed looking down for a moment.

"What time is it?" CJ took a breath and ran her hand over her head to stretch. Danny looked at his watch.

"A little after Five your time."

"I need to get ready for work." CJ moved her torso up with a grunt.

"It's Sunday. CJ"

"Oh, yeah." CJ set herself down on the bed. She took a breath and closed her eyes.

"Go back to sleep." Danny said with sweet concern.

"I think we just made someone at Verizion very happy." She yawned not paying attention to Danny's easy out.

"I'll pay the bill." Danny said with all sincerely and pathos.

"No, Danny…"

"No I insist." He said with all genuineness.

"Danny, no. I can pay my own phone bill." She demanded while still letting him know she appreciated it.

"No really.."

"Danny." She rasped his name.

"Okay." He knew when to let her have her way.

"Good."

"Go back to sleep."

"What are you doing today?" She said with a yawn.

"I have an interview." He smiled. "And then I thought I'd try some dry rub."

"Hummm." CJ smiled. "Sounds like a plan to me."

"Good night CJ."

"Good morning Danny." She smiled thinking how it would be if he were really lying next to her.

"Good morning." He said bitter sweetly. "Go to sleep."

"See ya soon Danny." She said with her own bittersweet quality half way in dreamland already.

"Yeah." He said with sorrow because he wasn't there with her.

Danny hung up the phone and looked out the window. That day he sat in a diner and tried dry rub. CJ was right it tasted great.


	17. Zimbabwe: APRIL

On The Road With Danny Concannon:** Zimbabwe**

**Title:** "The Africa Hot." A.K.A. "The sub-continental subconscious."

**Companion Piece: **None

* * *

"I think he spent too much time in the Africa hot." –**Josh Lyman "Holy Night."**

* * *

The smell of her hair in the morning, that's what Danny was thinking of. He wondered what it smelled like. Did it smell the same as it did when her hair was dry or was it stronger when she just got out of the shower? What hair products did she use, or was it natural? He wanted to think natural, but his guess was no. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he followed the group through the jungle. Why was he thinking of this? He thought to himself. Danny watched the back of the head of the woman walking in front of him. Her shampoo, he thought to himself. She smelled like CJ. Great, he contemplated to himself, just what he needed another reminder of her? Not that he really minded, but this trip of his, this almost year away, was in part to try and get CJ off his mind, along with his task at hand of course: the story. Yet it seemed the more he was away the more he thought of her. Maybe he did need therapy? Why did women do this to him? Why did CJ do this to him? Oh, who was he kidding, he knew why she did this to him. Between CJ and the Africa hot Danny was bound to loose more pounds then he needed and weigh less then he ever had. He was fine with that, but he didn't want to do it all in one sitting. Danny took a breath and continued up the rocky landing.

* * *

Danny slept on a rough sleeping bag as the fire blazed outside his tent. He tossed and turned as CJ tossed and turned in his head. He could feel her skin as he placed his cold hand on her silky back. Danny had gone a full two weeks without dreaming about her and there she was again, smiling and giggling. It always felt so real, so real he sometimes thought when he and CJ finally got that far it wouldn't be uncharted territory, but an undiscovered country he knew so well. Soon his inter monologue vanished and Danny was able to enjoy himself in the moment of his dream.

Voices and breathing. Darkness and flesh. The light and dark of different textured clothing in different stages of dress and undress, melted together like candle wax, not knowing were one body ended and the other began.

"Stop." Danny ran his fingers over her cheek.

"Why?" She said breathlessly.

"Just stop." He said sweetly.

"Okay?"

"Just for now." Danny looked up at her above him. CJ smiled like a half moon. Danny didn't. He leaned himself up so they were face to face. "I just want to look at you." She looked at him with her big eyes. "Talk to you."

"You talk to me all the time. This is what dreams are for." She leaned forward and Danny stopped her sliding his hands around her back.

"I know." He took a breath and looked into her eyes. "I want to see your eyes." He felt as if all he could see were her eyes.

"Talk to me." Danny said.

"Come back to me." She said breathlessly.

"Talk to me"

"Come back to me." She whispered. "Calling isn't enough."

"It's a big step for me."

"For me too."

"Do you love him?"

"Okay, I'm leaving." CJ climbed off Danny and out of the bed and in an instant she was dressed.

"Don't leave." Danny leaned forward and buried his head in the covers. "I won't ask. I don't know what your answer is gonna be so I can't answer it anyway." Danny looked up. Wait, where am I?"

"This is what you think my apartment looks like?"

"I like it."

"I think I'd use more eggshell on the walls." CJ started to button her blouse covering her camisole. "And why am I dressed like its five years ago?"

"I like you dressed this way. It's my happiest memory. Before things went…"

"-Yeah." CJ smiled bitter sweetly

"Good bye Danny." Her face was sad.

"Nooo." Danny reached his hand out as she disappeared. "Ahhh." Danny hit the pillow in front of him.

In a flash Danny found himself in CJ's office. Danny flipped his notebook closed and smiled at his surroundings.

"Danny, what can I do for you?" CJ entered her office.

"I'm working on my pentagon story."

"That time again already." CJ walked closer to Danny, almost brushing up against him, and closed the door. "Maybe this time there's a way we won't have to have a repeat of what happened last year." CJ threw off her glasses and pushed Danny onto the coach.

Danny smiled. CJ started to unbutton her blouse, but in mid unbutton she froze as if a pause button had been pushed.

"Yeah, this dream's original." CJ cracked from across the room. "These are the kinds of dreams you have about me?" Danny turned to see another CJ, more like the real CJ, sitting cross legged on her desk. "I mean how corny can you get."

"What are you doing here?" Danny stood up and walked toward her.

"You're dreaming about me, don't I have a say in this?" She looked up at him leaning her hands around the edge of the desk.

"No, it's my dream."

"How many times have you had the "do it in my office" dream. 'Cause it is a dream you know that? Never gonna happen."

"Yes, I do. Believe me I do."

"Can't you dream a more realistic dream?" CJ walked over to her frozen self. "What color of lipstick am I wearing—?"

"-You do know that if this was- at all- realistic this wouldn't be a dream would it?"

"Well." CJ gestured with her hand.

"I really don't wanna have this conversation right now."

"What kind of conversation do you want to have?"

"I love you CJ." Danny found himself laying along side her in bed. "I love you so much it hurts. I can't explain it sometimes. And I will always be here for you no matter what."

"I love you Danny." Her eyes filled with tears. "I love you too." She said soft and sweetly as she leaned in to touch his soft lips.

Flash. Danny was back in the office, with CJ, sitting with her on the couch.

"This can't work." CJ looked down at her hands and away from Danny.

"We can't ignore what we feel CJ. It's been five years and I can't get it out of my head. You out of my head." CJ gave a well yeah look. "And you can't get it out of your head. I know you can't. We pretend and pretend…that… we don't care and it…. just makes things worse. I don't know how much more of this I can take?"

"Three more years." She looked into his eyes and set his hair off his forehead.

"I know, I know."

"Be patient." She ran her hands over the side of his face.

"Sometimes I'm sure…I'll wait. I'll wait forever, but sometimes I think…"

"Is it worth it?"

"It's always worth it. It's just after all this sometimes I think….deep down inside…I don't know what I'd do if you weren't on the other end of those three years."

"I have hope. Have faith."

"Maybe that's my problem. It's the faith that's killing me."

"You stopped, why?" She asked like a child.

"Stopped what?"

"You were having a dream about me-a sexy dream….very nice by the way.."

"-Thank you-"

"-And you stopped. Something's in that. Even I can see that. You said you just wanted to look at me… talk to me-Which by the way a girl could get use to-If you know what I mean."

"I like talking to you."

"And I you."

"I like talking with you."

"Yes."

"You." They leaned their heads together. "Not this, but you."

"I'm still here as far as you know."

"It's not enough."

Danny ran his hand around CJ's head and though her hair. He took a breath and lightly pressed his lips against hers moving slowly into a passionate kiss that seemed almost painful to them. CJ leaned her head back and she was putty in his hands as he kissed down her neck.

"This is ridiculous… this is craziness." CJ laughed eating Chinese's Food. They were now in the upper pressroom.

"You don't agree with me?"

"I agree with you, but I don't agree with the way you're saying it. You can't say that-"

Danny grabbed CJ behind her head and kissed her passionately. They were all over each other like a cross between a Marx brother's movie and a Bogy and Bacall flick.

Somehow they found themselves on the table; they had once been eating food off of, as Danny sent the food crashing to the floor with CJ's help. Once the contents of the table were replaced by CJ and Danny bodies Danny smiled and CJ grabbed his necktie pulling him closer. Danny paused over CJ while she fingered the buttons on her blouse. CJ smiled and gave him the come closer look, followed by her fingers directing him closer.

"I would never do it on a table." Danny heard CJ's voice behind him as his face was amerced in her neck. "I have a bad back. So do you by the way."

"CJ." Danny greeted his teeth.

"Yeah?" CJ picked up a white container not liking what she found inside and tossing it away.

Danny looked at CJ behind him and when he looked back the CJ on the table was gone.

"Damn." Danny hit the table. "CJ!" Danny climbed off the table. "Stop doing this. This is my dream, not yours. I'm stuck somewhere in Africa, I'm hungry, I'm tried and I just want to have a normal dream-that any hot blooded typical American male might have by the way- so I would appreciate if you would get the hell out of here.."

"You don't mean that." She smirked and set her hands on his hips.

"Yes I said it, so I think I do." Danny climbed off the table and walked towards her.

"-But, your not a typical American male Danny?"

Danny took a breath and looked around him for a moment before responding.

"No." Danny lowered his head for moment and ran his hands on his hips. "I guess I'm not." He looked up feeling a little offended all of a sudden. "Yes I am."

"Face it Daniel. Your subconscious is telling you something."

'This is crazy... I'm losing it. Something's wrong here. I mean really wrong here"

"Maybe it's the Africa hot." CJ hit the H with a larger amount of sarcasm.

"Yeah." Danny bemused with a breath before walking away from her.

"Or maybe you'd just rather talk to me." Danny turned and looked at her. "You'd just rather look into my eyes than just touch me." She paused. "You'd rather speak three words to me in person than have all the time in the world with me inside your head." CJ walked up to Danny. "Cause when it all comes down to it. This isn't me, this is you thinking of me and you're in love with me. "

"Yes."

"And you happen to fall in love with me for me?" She spoke with her own surprise that Danny knew CJ would feel.

"Yes."

"I don't know if this is true, but I don't think anyone has before?"

"I would agree." He said sweetly lifting his eyebrows. "I see it in your eyes."

"I'm right here Danny. Just talk to me. I'm here. Standing here in Washington. Just talk to me." She paused and set her fingers in the palm of her left hand. "I'm here now. In your dream. You can make love to me. Do anything you want." She set her hands out to gesture. "This is your dream. Your fantasy, your love. What do you love about me Danny?"

"I just…."

"Yes…." She walked closed and leaned in.

"I just…"

"Yes, Danny." She leaned closer and sliding her hands over his shoulders.

Danny and CJ leaned their heads together.

"I just love you."

"Do you now?" She smiled with her sarcastic half grin.

"Yes." He ran his finger over her cheek. CJ smiled and he felt the lift of her grin in his fingertips.

"So what does that say Danny?"

"I don't know?"

"I think you do."

"I need to come back."

"At some point I'd hope so."

"I will. I just.."

"Have to finish your story? Are you just telling yourself that?"

"Yes."

"I think you found your answer."

"I wasn't looking for answers."

"You can't kid yourself Danny."

"Or you."

"No." She mouthed the word.

"I don't know what will happen when I get back. It's different in person. I don't know which is better for me. Being away or being close. Both seem to be...I can't even…"

"You'll know when the time is right. Something will bring you back."

"I just want to see her."

"There it is." CJ kissed Danny on the forehead.

Danny woke up and thought over the oddness of what he just dreamed. Maybe he had spent too much time in the African hot.

That morning Danny walked out of the clearing with his group and hit the site of the high mountain he looked out on. It was an amazing vista he could see for miles. Danny ran his hand over his forehead to see better. After a moment he ran his arm across his brow, wiping the sweat with him, and set his hands on his back for a quick strength. He looked out feeling so small and full of wonder for life and the future. He wished he could share the moment with CJ, or anyone. He had never felt so lonely yet so at piece.

**Song:** _Here With Out You - 3 Doors Down_

_A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face_  
_ A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same_  
_ But all the miles had separate_  
_ They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face_

_ I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind_  
_ I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_  
_ I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams_  
_ And tonight it's only you and me_

_ The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello_  
_ I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go_

_ I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind_  
_ I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_  
_ I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams._


	18. Washington: Back in DC: APRIL

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **Washington: Back in D.C: (For the moment.)**

**Title:** "Maisy"

**Companion Piece:** (Takes Place: The day after) Talking Points** 5.19**

* * *

A sweet young girl, about late twenties, entered Danny's apartment loaded with groceries. She pushed the door closed with her back and made her way to the kitchen with a smile on her face. She was a beautiful young girl who probably looked younger then her years due to her amazing genes and the remarkable alabaster skin she got from her Japanese mother. Half Japanese, half Korean she was a pixy of a girl and five times as smart as her size. She was a spitfire to say the least.

"You're back?" She spoke with surprise as Danny, covered with a blanket he held from either side around his back, entered the room like a weighed down elephant.

"Yeah." He said wearily. "I..." He yawned. "I got back last night." Danny walked to the kitchen and the girl followed dropping the groceries on the table. "I mean this morning. Yeah, this morning."

"Have you slept?"

"I was sleeping until someone entered my apartment." He groaned as Danny's head disappeared into the refrigerator.

"I thought you-"

"-Maisy, I'm on three hours of sleep in the last two days, so I just want to say-even through right know I may act like I don't like you. I do…" Danny closed the refrigerator holding an orange juice container. "So don't be offended by anything I say or do." Danny starched himself.

"I was getting you groceries?"

"You don't have to do that Maisy." Danny shook the carton to make sure it still had juice.

"I figured you'd need them after being gone almost a year." Danny stopped as he raised the carton to his mouth.

"I've been away for a year?" He looked at Maisy who nodded yes. "Take this from me."

Maisy took the carton from Danny knowing she had proved herself right Maisy threw the carton out as Danny pecked into the bag, leaning his head to the side pretty happy with what he saw, before sitting himself, along with his blanket, down at the kitchen table. With his half awake look, the blanket, and his sleepy eyes, Danny almost looked like he was five years old in his mother's kitchen.

Maisy started to recover things from the bags putting them away. Danny laid his head on his hands.

"When are we leaving for New York?" Maisy asked reaching for things to place in the cabinet.

"We?" Danny lifted his head.

'Come on-"

"-Maisy." His voice spurted with sleep depravation.

"Danny, I helped with that story. I called all those flight schools, I…"

"I know, I know." He said sincerely. "And I'd love you to be there, but you're my assistant. You have to be here in case I need you."

"You're never here. Your never in the office when you are-.".

"'Cause when I'm here I'm at The White House."

"I know. I just wanted to be there for you."

"I'll be fine."

"But, you're not going to have anyone at the ceremony with you. That's not right." Maisy opened the refrigerator and placed the milk, the last of her purchases, away.

"I'll be fine." He stood up. "I'm going back to sleep. " Maisy took an apple out of the bag and handed it Danny who looked at it. "I'll take this with me." Maisy smiled and nodded her head as Danny shuffled away.

Maisy closed the refrigerator door, and grabbed her bag, following Danny as he hit the living room.

"You're getting the damn Pulitzer Prize you should have someone there with you."

"My family can't make it. And you know what, I'm okay with that. Been there, done that."

"There must be someone you want there with you?" She still chased after him.

"Sure." Danny said, running his hand over his face as it hit the archway of his bedroom.

"Then ask them?" Maisy adjusted her purse strap in the foyer which was pretty much still the living room, just near the door.

"I can't." Danny said with most sincerity he had through their entire conversation.

"Danny?" She shifted her hand at him.

"I just can't." Danny was flush with his bedroom doorway.

"Ask her?"

"Maisy?"

"Don't think I don't know. I may have only been working for you for a little over a year, but-"

'Maisy!" He warned her.

"I'm not saying anything. We'll just say I know and you know I know."

"Yeah, whatever." Danny groaned and turned into his bedroom.

"You sent her a chicken! You don't send a woman a chicken unless!" She yelled to him and Danny turned back only wanting to sleep.

"MAISY!" Danny framed himself in her doorway and yelled her name.

"Sorry." She silenced herself. "I'm just saying I know you know I know and I know." She paused and Danny gave her a look. "You should know, you say it yourself, the assistants know everything…Maybe I should have a little talk with Carol."

"Maisy! I want to sleep! I'm flying to Texas in less than twenty hours-and be back on a plane to New York and before all that I have a story to file. I'm going to New York alone, not with you, and not with anyone. I'm going to sleep and I'm again…" Danny voice lowered. " Apologizing now for my attitude. " He trailed off.

"Apologize accepted."

"Good." He said softly.

"It's really too bad she's in Brussels..." She saw Danny's face heating up, in that bulldog look, as if he was about to explode. "…I'm leaving." She turned for the door,

"Thank god." He said under his breath.

"I heard that." Maisy yelled as she closed the door.

Danny groaned and made his way into his bedroom throwing himself, along with the blanket onto the comforter of his bed. No time to pull down the sheets again. Danny snuggled himself in a half ball and prayed for sleep to take him.

"Yeah right." Danny said to himself in a sleep-induced haze. "Like she'd come to New York. Yeah right, come to New York CJ and help me celebrate my award - the award I'm getting 'cause you almost sacrificed your job for me. Yeah, that's just what I'll do."

Danny slowly fell asleep as if he had taken a sleeping pill. He could feel his consciousness leaving him. As he did he thought to himself how he really would want her to come.


	19. Paris, TX : MAY

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **Paris, TX**

**Title "**Sartre was Right"

**Companion Piece:** No Exit **5.20**

* * *

CJ walked into the lobby holding her purse over her shoulder and evening dress over her other arm, ready to go home herself.

"Hey, you see Donna?" Josh asked entering the lobby behind her.

"I figured she went home? You've got to give that girl some space Josh." Josh gave a look to a great friend he didn't always agree with. CJ reached her hand into her purse. "Maybe she's off with…?" CJ scrambled through her purse definitely upset at not being able to find something.

"Maybe she's where?"

"Nothing...nothing… Hold this." She shoved her dress at Josh's chest.

"You changed?"

"I had my camping clothes with me." CJ stopped for a moment and handed Josh her workbag and began looking through it.

"Where's the camping stuff I got you?"

"In my office." CJ was getting more and more frustrated.

"Well, what good is it gonna do in there?"

"I'm not going." CJ flipped the top flap open and dug her hand into the back.

"Why?"

"It got canceled. I was here. "

"Yeah?"

"There was no way I could have made it."

"Okay?"

"What?" She stopped and looked at him.

"Nothing." CJ stared him down. "What are you looking for?"

"My cell." CJ grabbed her purse and checked one last time.

"So, can you believe we crashed again?"

"Just another crisis in the daily life of The West Wing. One false alarm after another."

"Who says it was a false alarm?"

"Like about fifty….okay maybe not fifty…but a whole….. bunch…. of secret service guys. It was a false alarm?" She couldn't believe Josh didn't believe it. "Just like the others."

" I don't this so." He paused. "You weren't stuck in the room with Cornel Klink, while she talked about anthrax, and botulism….small pox…and what ever concoctions she decide to throw at me. Did you know they turn off the ventilation system when they thing there's a contaminate in the air?

"The ventilation system was off? How did you know that?"

"It was hot?"

"She talked about contaminates?"

"Yeah?" Josh looked at CJ strangely. "And I saw guys in suits?"

"Suits?"

"You know those yellow suits with the gloves and the gas masks attracted." Josh looked at CJ and she seemed to be shaken. Just the idea sent shivers down her spine.

"CJ?"

"Yeah?" She was off somewhere.

"I'm sure it's nothing. You're probably right. False alarm."

"Damn it! I must have left my cell in my office." CJ walked off in a brisk pace.

"CJ!"

"I'll be right back!" She yelled.

"I wanna go home, CJ!" Josh yelled as the doors swung behind her gesturing with her stuff.

"I'll be right back!"

"Hey CJ?" Charlie walked passed dressed in his White House running outfit.

"Charlie?" CJ stopped short and looked at him. "You changed?" A little red flag went up in CJ's brain.

"So did you." Charlie held the paper in his hand that he had come back to retrieve.

"I was going camping?"

"Yeah, I heard…how is a woman who has a nervous reaction evertime she comes in contact with water go camping?"

"Charlie, why did you change?" CJ had a strange feeling.

"Oh…" Charlie looked down at his threads. "It was part of the drill."

"Drill?"

"It was a drill?"

"I thought it was a false alarm? They didn't say anything about a drill?"

"Yeah." CJ just looked at him and shook it off. "Listen CJ, I got to be here early tomorrow..sooo.." He motioned toward the door.

"Yeah, I need to….yeah…" CJ walked off toward her office.

CJ took a breath shaking off her strange feeling, telling herself she was wrong, as she ran into her office. But even if she was wrong, the idea still was beginning to freak her out. The idea of a contaminant in The White House was not unheard of. But "as if" stared her in the face her body seemed to have a visual reaction. She reached for her desk first and low and be hold it was right where she left it, next to Gail's bow. CJ reached for the phone and her hand began to shake. Maybe she wasn't as fine as she thought. CJ tried to steady her hand, but it didn't work. CJ took the phone in her hand cupping it to stop the shakes. It didn't work. She couldn't believe how she was acting. Her phone rang in her hand and CJ quickly flipped open her phone trying to ignore her problem.

"Yes." CJ answered with distraction.

"CJ?" Danny heard something in her voice.

"Yeah?" CJ said in a half strained voice trying to hold herself together.

"You okay?"

"Danny, what do you want? Did you call to bug me or do you have a reason this time?

She took a breath and kept her gaze on her unsteady hands.

"I always have a reason. What's going on, you don't sound-"

"-I'm fine." She took a quick breath into her next words. " No, no, I'm not, I'm shaking."

"CJ?"

"I'm shaking." CJ didn't know what to do as she stood in the center of her office.

"CJ did somebody hurt you? Where are you?" Danny was beside himself.

"Nobody hurt me. I'm in my office. I'm fine." CJ sat herself down on the edge of her guest chair in the front of her desk and in full view of Gail.

"And I guess you—"

"No, I can't tell you why. You can watch my briefing tomorrow like everyone else."

"Okay." Danny said in his concerned voice, understanding why. It was always about what she wanted. He did what she wanted him to do, always, in the end. They sat in silence for a moment. "Still shaking?"

"I'm doing better." Her voice was still shaky.

"Breathe."

"I'm breathing. "It's kind of a perquisite to…. breathing." CJ started to pace.

"Now, that was just stupid sarcasm, CJ. I'm just trying to help." Danny didn't speak in any sort of condescending manner. It was amazing how he could do that even when he was mad at her, well most of the time.

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"Never. I know you too well." Danny smiled on his end of the phone.

"Yes, yes you do." CJ nodded her head slightly in all seriousness. She looked up and took a breath.

"Ah, you admit it." Danny said with a short release of air.

"I'm in a state where I might admit I was deep throat so I wouldn't take that to heart." CJ rubbed her fingers over the center of her forehead.

"Okay" There was another pause while CJ looked down at her hands as they steadied their pace. She took a breath in and let it out with pursed lips. "Wanna talk about it?

"I can't."

"Okay." Danny understood. He just wanted to be there for her. There was another pause as CJ leaned back in her chair. "Do you want me to go?"

"No." She said quietly and stopped her pace.

"Okay." He would stay as long as she wanted. There was another short pause while CJ took a breath through her nose. "I'm off the record here, ya know."

"I just can't Danny I—." CJ threw herself into the seat again and looked back at her shaking hand.

"Yeah, okay." His voice always calming made it seem like it would be okay.

"But I'm here."

"Okay."

"If you want to talk CJ. I'll sit here in silence until you do. I don't mind. I have time. I have all the time in the world. We can talk about the weather, sports."

"Sports?"

"Okay, maybe not sports. Anything." He paused. "You need someone to be uncomplicated I'm that guy. I'm not there. At least not yet and if you need someone out of it to talk to. I'm here. I'm always here."

"You're never out of it Danny." She tried to laugh but it came out sad.

"I didn't mean that…"

"Danny, we can't.. I mean…. I don't want to talk about that stuff-"

"I don't mean that stuff CJ. Let's just forget about that stuff. Well, try. You won't talk about it so it's pretty much like it's not going on. I call that a very large wall called denial, but—."

"Danny."

"When it comes down to it we're friends. Always have been always will be. Let me be the one guy with no complications. The one person….. I can't forget how I feel about you and I know you can't either, but let's just, for the next three years at least, get past it. We'll say were past it, 'cause that's all I really can do…is fake it.

"I'm past it." CJ voice was low as she covered her real emotions.

"I don't believe you."

"Well, that's your problem." Her voice was starting to perk up at the banter portion of the evening.

"I think that's really your problem."

"You got my book?"

"Yeah?"

"And you kept it?"

"Yeah?"

"And you got my note?"

"Yeah….."

"Okay."

"Danny?"

"I'm here for you CJ."

"I know. And you always have been and I thank you for that.."

"So…"

"So…?"

"What happened CJ?"

CJ thought for a moment. She thought about her conversation with Donna. She thought about Ben. She thought about how nothing in her romantic life seems to work out. It all had strings. Everything came with strings attached. And as hard as she tried to make something of her and Ben, the person she wanted was right in front of her eyes. CJ, being CJ, began to avoid.

"Sartre was right?"

"I'm sorry?"

"John Paul Sartre was right."

"Hell is other people?"

"Well, yes. But the other thing—I mean I know it was about that, but the other thing?"

"In a play?"

"Yeah."

"Which one?"

"The one where," CJ rolled her eyes on what she was about to say. "Where hell is other people, where they stay together."

"No Exit?"

"Yes." CJ took a breath happy it had been discovered. "How could I forget that?"

"Your head's in other places."

"Ahh-So that was my life for the last forty-five minutes..."

"But the other people weren't hell?"

"No, No." She assured him. "I was with Donna-." CJ thought of how bad she felt for what happened between her and Donna, but it had to be said. If not now, at some point, it would have been said.

"That's why you're upset?" He leaned into the end of the question really unsure it was the right question.

"No. The reason."

"The reason?"

"Yeah. The reason…even if it's not true...just the idea of it…. sneaking in I guess."

"And you..."

"I can't Danny."

"Okay."

"I know you're just trying to help, but I just need you to stay with me a little longer."

"Okay."

"I just need to focus in on something and I'll be okay." She took a breath. "I'm almost there." She shook her hands on either said of her. "whooo."

"Just focus in on my voice. I'll just talk."

"Yeah." She took a breath. "Tell me about Nashville?"

"I tried dry rub."

"You did?" She smiled into the phone.

"Don't act so surprised?"

"I just.."

"You said it was good, so I tried it."

"And…" She leaned in on her voice for the answer as she leaned further into her chair.

"You were right. It's great."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Good." She smiled again. "Where are you now?" She stood up and began to pace again.

"Paris.."

"France again huh? You were right?"

"Not exactly." He laughed. "But close."

"Close but no cigar?"

"Yeah, something like that?"

"Then where?" She stopped walking. "Paris, Texas."

"Yeah." He laughed. She smiled. "The only nation in the world where you can go from Rome to Paris without a passport."

"Don't forget East Berlin Connecticut."

"I thought it was just Berlin Connecticut?"

"They have both."

"We got ourselves a pretty funny country." Danny joked.

"I know." CJ looked down at her hands. "I stopped shaking."

"Good."

CJ looked at her watch. "I need to go." CJ whined hating to do this to him. "Josh is…"

"Okay." He understood

"I just came in to get my phone…"

"Go." He said sweetly. CJ took a breath and stopped herself before speaking. CJ looked over at the camping equipment in the corner of her office.

"Danny? What do you think of camping? CJ didn't seem to want to let Danny go.

"You want me to take you camping?"

"No, what do you think of camping?"

"Camping?"

"Camping."

"I don't think I.."

"Going outside. Camping?"

"My thoughts?"

"Yes."

"Well, would you be there?"

"This is not about me Danny." She said softly since her voice was still recovering.

"If you were there it would be."

"Nevermind…."

"No, I wanna answer it. I'm not so big on the camping per say."

"You're not?"

"You were hoping I was?"

"No.."

"Cause you don't seem the camping type."

"I'm not."

"Someone making you go camping CJ?"

"No…:"

"Okay? I was just wondering why…"

"You don't like camping?"

"No."

" For a man who's traipsing around the world that seems like a bad mix."

"Don't get me wrong CJ I love nature. As do you, but spending a weekend fishing and sleeping on the ground for no good reason isn't really for any of us. A day maybe. I love looking out at the beauty of nature, sleeping out under the stars, but after a day I'm looking for a place to plug in my lap top." He paused. "Camping to me is like sleep. I can see the lure, but there are more important things I could be doing." He paused. "And once more you agree with me?"

"If I wanted to sleep in mud I'd sleep on the floor of the press room."

"Funny."

"I try."

"Anyone who knows you for any amount of time should know not to take you camping? Who want's to take you camping?"

"No one."

"Okay."

"You really don't like camping?"

"No." He paused. "Not unless there's a story involved. But I wouldn't call that camping. I just call them traveling. "

"Found an outlet in Africa did you?"

"I meant that figuratively."

"I got it."

"Closest I got was sitting on the beach in Bermuda. I don't know what came over me. I guess it was just so beautiful. I just sat down on the beach, looked up at the stars, and closed my eyes."

"Sounds nice."

"It was."

Danny smiled and CJ smiled. CJ looked over at the camping equipment.

"You don't like camping." She bemused to herself. "Yet you like kayaking?"

"You remembered?"

"How could I forget?"

"I love the outdoors. But I don't see the point in just trying to pretend you're ruffling it. Now Kayaking I have to take you."

"Danny."

"See this is what you need to do. I do this ever once in while. You take the kayak out and ride the waves, take in the sun and the water and the mountains. And then when it gets dark you ride off on a small cleaning and there's nothing but rocks and no people. None. I like to sit next to a fire and read, or write….See you're there for a reason. Fall asleep next to a rock. That's ruffling it." And in the morning you go back out."

"So you do like camping?"

"That's not camping CJ. That's life. It's not manufactured with equipment. It serves a purpose. You're going after something?"

"What?"

"Piece of mind."

"You worried about something Danny?"'

"Many, many things CJ."

"It sounds nice."

"Huh?"

"The mountains."

"I thought you didn't like camping?"

"I don't."

"I'd like to take you."

"I can't Danny."

"I know."

"Well I should go…" Yet she didn't get off the phone. She took a silent breath. ""Was there a reason you called?"

"You called me actually."

"Did I?"

"Yeah?"

"Ohhh, Carol called you." CJ remembered.

"So, you didn't—"

"Officially no…"

"So this is officially…"

"This no."

"Carol was…"

"What was it?"

"Never mind.."

"I wanted you to post a….nevermind."

"A story?"

"A story yes…I was…nevermind…So….

"So?"

"Yeah..so.."

"Okay."

"Your paper probably wouldn't let you write it anyway."

"See, those are the type of stories I like to write. What's the scoop?"

"Nothing. I've beat it into the ground too much."

"CJ?.."

"Danny, I feel like we're not gaining any ground."

"Yeah, I know.."

"I feel like.."

"You're stuck in the mud?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"You always have to be right don't you."

"I don't have to always be right. I am right."

"It doesn't seem worth it."

"It's worth it."

"Is it really worth it when we just keep trying to get that boulder up the hill and every time we do we find out the hill is actually a lot bigger-in fact it's not a hill, but a huge endless mountain."

"That's politics CJ."

"I know." She droned. "It's not fair."

"Yeah, well…" He paused and CJ smiled a half grin knowing what he meant.

"I just feel like things aren't getting any better."

"They're get better."

'Better?"

"Or it'll get worse before it gets better-things always get better."

"How can you always be so damn optimistic? It amazes me."

"Cause things get better. The world isn't black and white, and then again it is black and white. Different shades of black and white—with the yin as the yang,-with the triumph is the impending doom of defeat. It's a balance.

"Everything has its up's and downs."

"Yeah. And you agree with me. What happened to the girl who believed in faith?"

"She's hanging on."

"CJ, life isn't one thing."

"I know."

"I know you know that. One day you're giddy with anticipation over a new health care bill and the next you're storming the press room and sawing off the seats."

"Yeah, I guess you heard about that.."

"Did you have the statement already prepared or did you wing it?"

"I gave Carol the heads up."

"Good plan." He laughed. "CJ, you're a worker, you're a fighter and you're a helper. I have faith in you and that you'll keep on fighting for what you believe in. And with someone like you in the white house it gives me faith. Just keep fighting and it will all fall into place. Believe me."

"Danny I'm seeing someone." It came out and she hated it did, but she felt Danny getting too close.

"Yeah….I mean I assumed…yeah…that's great." Danny tried to pretend he meant it.

"I…just thought you should know.." She lowered her head at the pain.

CJ leaned her elbow on her desk and her hand on her head. She wished she could tell Danny the real story, but he of all people she couldn't tell. She was just about coming to terms with it herself. She was pushing herself on the wrong man. Any man to try and forget the one on the other end of the phone, the man she couldn't have, the man she couldn't seem to forget.

"Yeah…I mean I wasn't…"

"I just felt you should know." Her voice trained away and she got that sad look in her eyes she had had just moments before with Danny.

"Hey, what happened to you?" Josh appeared at the doorway leaning on the threshold with CJ's belongs in his hands and arms.

CJ led her eyeballs toward Josh but spoke into the phone. "I gottta go." Her voice was horse and full of emotion.

"Yeah." Danny said in the same tone looking down and lifting his hand to his head as he shifted on the balls of his feet.

CJ clipped the phone closed, and rested in against her forehead for a moment. Josh gave her a look. "Ahhh." She took a breath and stood. "You know Satre was right?"

"Hell is other people."

"Heaven and Hell my friend. Heaven and Hell." She went for the door.

"Don't forget your coat?"

"My what?"

"Yoooor Coooat." Josh dragged out.

"Oh?" CJ reached for her coat on her couch.

"How much did you drink?" Josh asked as CJ's head appeared back up from the couch.

"I'm fine." CJ put her cell phone in her purse hanging off Josh's hand and then draped it over her own shoulder.

"Yay." Josh smirked and handed CJ her workbag and gown before walking out in front of her.

"I am." CJ yelled back as they walked through Josh's bullpen. CJ was silent and Josh noticed turning behind him with his hands in his pockets. CJ stood still.

"Are you coming?"

"Yeah? One minute. I'll be right out?"

"Okay?" Josh walked ahead and CJ took out her phone and hit one button sending back to her last call.

"Yeah, Concannon?" Danny answered not looking at the display.

"Thank you." She said sweetly and small into the phone.

"CJ?"

"I wanted to make sure you knew that."

"You're welcome." Danny said back. CJ smiled.

"I have to go now." She smirked.

"Yeah." Danny smiled on his end of the phone.

Danny clipped his phone closed and picked up his plane ticket to New York and he was gone. Even though there had been a sweet end to their conversation Danny knew it just wasn't just to ask her. He knew now.

In Washington Josh walked back into the bullpen catching CJ in the afterglow of her phone call.

"You coming?"

"Yeah." CJ looked up at her.

"Huh?" Josh looked at her with a smile.

"What?" CJ looked at him with a glow and light in her eyes.

"Your eyes?"

"What?" She asked in a sweet pushing way.

"I guess I just saw something I haven't seen in a while." He smiled. "You coming?"

"Give me a moment." CJ took a gulp.

"Yeah. I'll meet you in the lobby." Josh understood she needed to be alone and started his walk to the lobby.

Josh walked away leaving her alone. CJ took a breath and gave herself a moment of reflection. Once she had, and Josh was long from sight, she took the walk to the lobby alone.

CJ finally was getting was what going on with her after months. She felt the feeling in her stomach that she wished she felt for Ben again. She walked off toward the lobby, down the corridor, wondering what she was going to do with her life. She needed to come to terms with a lot of things.

Song: Last Train Home

To every broken heart in here  
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared  
She told me that it's all part of the choices that you make  
Even when you think you're right  
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow  
Forget the sorrow  
And I can be on the last train home  
Watch it pass the day  
As it fades away  
No more time to care  
No more time, today

She may have been out of lockdown, but she was feeling stuck in so many places with no exit in sight.

**Song:** _Light in Your Eyes_

_Something is happening_  
_ Everything's different but everything is fine_  
_This is the good stuff_  
_ Yesterday's only what you leave behind_  
_ It's only in your mind_

_ You gotta talk to the One who made you_  
_ Talk to the One who understands_  
_ Talk to the One who gave you all the light in your eyes_  
_ All the light in your eyes_

_ No use pretending_  
_ You never existed until you saw the light_  
_ You're just beginning_  
_ You have the mistakes all ahead of you_  
_ And you know what to do_

_ Here comes the world and she is beautifully mysterious_  
_ She's got it all and you say 'give it to me'_

_ Nobody's happy_  
_ That's not the world I know inside_  
_ Everybody hides _

_ Yeah, thank you thank you!_  
_ Yeah, everything great and small_  
_ Yeah, thank you thank you!_

-Sheryl Crow


	20. Nebraska: MAY

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **Nebraska**

**Title:** "Joshlyman whitehouse . gov Revisited"

Companion Piece: No Exit **5.20**

* * *

It was late and Josh found his way to his computer. Donna's flight with the CODEL was up in the air and Josh was making the way to the end of his day, but for some reason things kept him in his office. He didn't feel like going home.

Josh looked down at the paper next to him and read the headline of the story in the post: Two Post Reporters get Pulitzers in New York. Josh sent his cursor to his mailbox and typed in the address he didn't have to think about: dconcannon washpost .com.

From: Joshlyman whitehouse .gov (J. Lyman)

To: dconcannon washpost .com (Daniel Concannon)

Cc:

Bb:

* * *

Danny,

Congrats. Everyone here sends the same I'm sure. Any plans after New York?

Josh

* * *

Josh hit send and went back to the things on his desk.

It just so happened Danny had his computer on, taking a break from his writing and writers block, trying to see how many paper baskets he could make from different areas of the room. This time he was trying from a lying position on the bed. He heard his computer quaking telling him he had mail.

* * *

Josh,

The White House, huh? I'll take that as coming from you. Thanks. Don't know what's going on after New York. I have a story I'm working on now. I may go back to Bermuda. Been burnt out lately. I need a break.

-Danny

* * *

Josh shift in his seat and his eyebrows were set a flying toward his forehead as he heard his in box sound.

Danny,

Just stay on vacation this time. Don't go looking for any stories.

Josh

* * *

Danny laughed at his computer as he read Josh's email and his own words back ran back into his head.

* * *

Josh,

Why, you have something to hide?"

* * *

Danny,

Funny. How is everything really? What ever happened to that girl? Candice was it?

Josh

* * *

J-

Karen? Nothing. She's not my type.

D-

* * *

Danny,

Oh come on Danny. You mean she's not her.

Josh

* * *

Josh, these are not secure channels don't talk about her.

-D

* * *

Danny,

Like anyone who's reading this knows who she is. I think you have other issues why you can't talk about her.

Josh

* * *

We all have our issues my friend.

-Danny

* * *

Danny,

Welcome my friend to the show that never ends. I love you both, but for your sanity Danny I think you need to forget her. Try to forget about her. Like seeing other woman. Any woman. I'm worried about you. Sorry, man it's got to be said.

Josh

* * *

Danny,

Josh hit send hating to be so blunt with his friend, but he knew CJ would never budge about her job. He felt Danny needed to move on before his love for CJ ate him inside.

* * *

Danny got the email and he understood, in way, but it still got him made. Danny lashed out.

* * *

Josh,

Look who's talking? I wouldn't go around giving advice on love my friend. You're in the same boat and I don't see you doing anything about it?

Danny

* * *

Danny stood up and paced his hotel room trying to get Josh's comments out of his head. He breathed heavy almost busting at the seams. Danny's phone rang and he grabbed it from the bed.

"Hey what the hell did that mean!" Josh yelled into the phone.

"I think I'd say the same thing to you Lyman. And I think you know just what I mean. So don't be busting on my chops when the same thing is staring you in the face! It's hard so don't act like it isn't!"

"This is totally out of line!-"

"-I'm out of a line!"

"-I am just trying to help a friend and all you do - "

"-I don't need to hear this right now! You don't think I'm trying, this is what I'm doing out here!"

"Oh give me a break!"

"You give me one first!"

"I still don't get what were arguing about!"

"You called me!"

"Cause you were completely outta line on that one!"

"Hey at least I talk about it!"

"To yourself maybe—"

"Let's just not talk about this okay."

"Fine." Josh calmed himself down as did Danny. There was a moment of silence as the two faced their rooms in the same situation.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Listen man, I'm sorry I was so harsh."

"Same here."

"I just hope you realize what youR into. Cause I didn't know. If only I knew."

"You good?"

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Other wise great."

"Yeah, I gotta go. I can't talk — let's not talk about this."

"Yeah." Danny paused. "I'm here anytime you—"

"Yeah, I gotta go. Send me an email if you're coming back to town. We'll have a beer." Josh said distracted.

"Yeah I will." Danny said love for his friend.

"Yeah. Okay." Josh hung up and Danny sat on the bed not knowing what the world was going to do with men like Josh Lyman and Danny Concannon. Was their hope? He sure thought so. Danny thought of calling CJ. He really thought about it, but his heart wasn't sure what to do anymore.


	21. Oklahoma: MAY

On The Road With Danny Concannon: OK - **Oklahoma **

Title:** "Donna"**

**Companion Piece:** Gaza **5.21**

)

)

)

)

* * *

**7:30 AM DAY BEFORE THE EXPLOSTION**

* * *

Maisy swiveled around in her chair as she grabbed the fax from the machine, talking to Danny with her headset phone, she brought her eyes to her computer again.

"You're like my dad." She said in mid-sentence setting the fax next to her and checking something on her desktop.

"Thanks, Maisy." Danny didn't like the sound of that as he waited impatiently for her to gather the information he needed.

"I mean my uncle." Maisy looked over the fax for a moment.

"Not helping..."

"Cause you're not old enough to be my dad, but technically you could be..." Maisy reached her arm back toward the fax and set it at the top of the machine.

"Please stop... You're acting your age." Danny leaned against the countertop of the Kinko's chain.

"Okay, I'm sending the fax now." Maisy hit the fax button, sliding her chair back to the computer, looking down on the screen under her purple glasses.

"Good."

"You're to meet a _Jared _in Wyoming on Friday. "

"Check."

"It's all in the fax. This fax isn't going to self destruct in like five minutes, is it?"

"No."

"Cause I'm getting this mission impossible feeling here. You're not going to start talking into your shoe next, are you?"

"No and that's Get Smart."

"I know. I'm talking about "a milieu in general."

"How do you know Get Smart?"

"I watch Nick at Night."

"Okay I just felt old at that comment."

"Glad I could help boss."

"Okay, I'm going."

* * *

**4:06 PM THE AFTERNOON BEFORE THE EXPLOSTION**

* * *

Danny was confused as his eyes adjusted to the light and the TV turned on to the last channel the TV had been on: CNN. His eyes opened in horror as he saw Donna's face on the news. "Oh my god." Danny spoke to himself as he looked at the graphic on the television listing the dead and the wounded.

* * *

**AN HOUR LATER**

* * *

"You got to get me out of here!" Danny yelled into his cell phone as he paced along the dirt airstrip. 'There are no flights going in and out of here?"

"No. I'm looking and I don't see any, Danny." Maisy spoke into the phone as she roamed the Internet for Danny, her face covered by her computer. "I can get you a flight out of Tulsa to Texas and then from Texas to JFK and from there you'll have to wait or take a train from Penn."

"How am I supposed to get to Tulsa!"

"Well, how did you get there?"

"I took a private charter service." Danny looked over at a man pondering over a steaming engine.

"So take it back."

"The plane's not working." Danny still looked at the plane.

"Then take another one."

"The **plane's**not working."

"Bummer."

"Any news?" he grumbled at her attempt at humor.

"No. No new information, just the three dead. The rest have been taken to area hospitals and will probably we transferred form there to a military hospital in Germany."

"Any news on Donna. Donna Moss. Donnatella Moss."

"No."

"Damn it." Danny said to himself and ran his hand over his head and through his hair. He thought of what Toby and Josh were going through and how he would feel if it was C.J. He thought of Donna.

"They were there-"

"The CODEL-yeah, yeah I know. I got some of it before we lost CNN. I didn't know she was...that was set up a long time ago-listen, you have to get me out of here?"

"I'm trying. Flight travel has been slowed down for the moment. It's harder to get a flight out. Things are cracking down. I may not even be able to get you into DC. Even by train. Do you want me to call?

"Try if you can, I can't get through; let me know if they make anymore statements."

"I will. Wait, she's doing a Press Conference. Hold on. I'll patch it through.

* * *

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

* * *

"I'm trying Danny. There is no real information. I think The White House is getting more information from CNN." Maisy tried to calm him down.

"I just need to get out of here. I called a cab hours ago."

"Nothing?"

"Except dust." Danny kicked up some dust from under him.

"If you can get to Tulsa, I can help you Danny. That's it. Get to Tulsa."

"Okay, I'll work on getting to Tulsa. Call me back in an hour. An hour."

"Yeah." Maisy was sick of him telling her that.

Danny hit the end button and dialed the White House. As he thought, the signal was busy. Danny looked down at his phone as he saw the service button flip. A wind blew in and the connection read: No service.

"AHH!" Danny yelled to the heavens. He paced for a moment, but he couldn't get the mood away from him.

* * *

**TWENTY MINS LATER**

* * *

Danny walked into the yellow-filled diner letting the shade and florescent light hit him. Of course the pay phone out front was out of order. He hoped someone inside could help him out.

"Hey." Danny spoke, catching eyes with the nice old man behind the counter.

"Hey." The man said back.

Danny took a breath, took off his baseball hat, and wiped the sweat off his brow with his forearm.

"How ya doing?"

"Good. How can I help you?"

"Yeah, I ordered a cab and it was supposed to be here about an hour ago..."

"You call Stardust cabs?"

"Yeah."

"'Cause they're the only cab company around here."

"Then that would be the one I called."

"Well..." The man looked at his watch. "He's probably on his break. Unless of course his wife goes into labor."

"Labor?"

'Yeah, then who knows how long it'll take'um."

"Great." Danny said to himself.

"Can I get you somethin'?"

"Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee."

Danny looked around and saw he really didn't need to look for a seat.

"Hey, he called back to the man."I can't seem to get reception on my phone." He motioned toward his cell.

"Yeah, it comes and goes around here." And he walked away.

"Great, comes and goes." Danny made his way to a table.

* * *

**THAT NIGHT**

* * *

He hit the cool blue-black night sky filled with so many stars a man could actually see with only one light above the porch. Danny stepped off the porch with a large step and bingo, all his power cells were full and he had reception. Danny's face filled with glee and he knew the first person he would call. The same person he had been trying before he lost everything. Almost twelve hours out of communication with the world there was only one person you would call.

CJ walked out of the cacophony of noise so deafening she wasn't sure why she wasn't half deaf already. She was followed by a whole entourage of people, including Carol, all giving her information and or taking it away as she read and responded. Her cell phone rang and CJ instructed Carol to fish it out of her pocket. It wasn't supposed to be there anyway, but somehow it was.

"It's Danny." Carol told her. CJ was a little embarrassed that Carol had found Danny on her private line.

"I don't have time for Danny now." She looked at three men. "I'm going to need this updated every hour." She handed the middleman a folder and all, but Carol, walked off.

"He says he won't go away until he talks to you." Carol held her hand over the receiver.

"What does he want?" She snarled in her stress haze.

"He wants to know about Donna. What do I tell him?" Carol didn't know what she was able to say. CJ's face turned from stoic to full of emotion for Donna and Danny's feelings as she heard Donna's name. Danny was always different for many reasons one of which was how close they had all gotten on the campaign.

"Give it to me." She motioned with her hand and Carol handed over the phone.

"Danny?" CJ asked walking away from Carol and down the hallway toward her office.

"How's Donna?" Danny yelled into the phone desperately. "What's going on CJ? What the hell is going on?"

"Danny, Danny." She calmed him with her soft voice. "Calm down, Calm down. She's fine for now. She's fine."

"I'm sorry—I've been out of communication with the world all-she's fine?"

"Not, fine, but she's alive."

"Stable?"

"Punctured lung, broken leg—she's being watched for blood clots. Josh's with her in Germany."

"Good. Good."

"She's lucky to be alive." CJ turned around a corner and suddenly she was alone, for the moment. She leaned up against the wall and ran her hand over her forehead.

"How's Josh?"

"Not good. Leo sent him to Germany. He was no good here. You should call him."

"I didn't want to upset him. I thought getting in touch with you was a better idea."

"I'm sure you would." She semi smirked and took a breath.

"Yeah, well I should go. Let you get back to work. I'm glad Donna's alright. I'm sorry about Fitz. I really am." Danny lowered his head.

"We all are. Everyone. About Everything." CJ was masking her feelings with short sharp sentences.

"He was a great man CJ."

"Yes, yes he was."

"I didn't know the senators, did you?"

"No." She said with full emotion as the day's events hit her.

"Andy?"

"Yeah, she's great." CJ smiled through her tears.

"How are you?"

"I'm getting by." She said with sarcasm. Danny knew what she really meant. He always knew what she really meant.

"Yeah, well..." It was all of a sudden awkward between them. "If you need to talk CJ."

"I know who to call." She smiled.

"I'll see you soon CJ." He said trying to be optimistic.

The whole conversation had so much underneath it yet little was said. It was the past and future that they we're afraid of. They're relationship had grown and they're feelings now really known to themselves, which ironically enough may have made their emotions retreat into themselves. Danny particularly didn't know what he should do, knowing he'd have to do it for the next three years. CJ was still just peaking out of her state of denial and looking for her shadow.

"Yeah." And Danny and CJ hung up the phone. She caught site of Toby in his office and took a moment before taking a few steps into view of Donna's empty desk and Josh's empty office. It got her thinking.

"CJ, Leo needs you in his office." Carol called to CJ.

"I'm on my way." She turned to Carol. "Take this." She threw her cell to Carol who caught it. She turned back around and walked only to turn back to Carol. "Carol, is The President back?"

"No, he's still at the Admirals house."

"Yeah." CJ had a said look to her lips and eyes. "Yeah." It was so hard to believe the kind, strong sailor was gone. Danny was right he was a great man.

In the same town in Oklahoma Danny nodded his head thanking the man in the truck that was kind enough to offer him a ride in the starlit night.

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY**

* * *

Danny sat on the commercial jet plane with his laptop in his lap as a flight attended walked past. He hit his outbox and began to finish a letter he had started.

To: Joshlyman whitehouse .gov

From:

Josh,

My prayers are with Donna. I'm sure you're going through hell. Just know I'm here for you. We are all here for you.

Yours,

Danny.


	22. New York, NY One more time: MAY

On The Road With Danny Concannon: **New York (One More Time)**

**Title:** "Bookends"

**Companion Piece:** Memorial Day** 5.22**

* * *

**Memorial**: _adj:_ Serving to preserve remembrance

**Memorial**: _n_ : Something designated to keep remembrance alive.

* * *

**MEMORIAL DAY - MAY 31st - MONDAY**

* * *

"Ring." The line on Danny's office phone rang and beeped red. "Ring." Being the fact that Danny was never around his office, even when he was in town, the only evidence it was in fact his office was the small basketball hoop attached to the wall and the Daniel Concannon nameplate on the door. Outside the office, voices and commotion were heard making the ringing only audible inside the open office door as the sounds outside blended into each other.

"You got that…" was heard from one area of the bullpen.

"-I want two reporters down there now—as in last week- I don't care-!" An older man's voice was heard.

"-I'm sorry… you heard what? I can't hear you! Can you speak up!" A woman's voice was heard as the television, phones ringing off the hook, and noise, drowned her out.

"Yes, we know about the stoning, Ma'am—it's on the front page—that's all we know right now—can I get an intern over here—We have reporters in Gaza….I'm putting you on with someone—CAN I GET AN INTERN OVER HERE!" The man in his thirties yelled to the heavens.

Danny's phone kept ringing and the red light kept blinking.

"I got someone on the phone says they saw the car explode." A woman yelled as she held onto the receiver.

Maisy ran into the office, she wasn't late, she just had a lot to do, meaning being Danny's eyes and ears in DC, and being at the phone when he called. The office outside was buzzing for an office on Memorial Day, but this wasn't a normal office, this was the Washington Post and this wasn't a normal Memorial Day, this was the day after the Gaza bombing, the day after everything was failing apart again.

Line one blinked and the phone rang loud as Maisy came in earshot of her cubicle, knowing just whom it was and how she needed to catch that call. Running with small steps, yet fast-paced, she dumped her Starbucks coffee cup next to the phone, while at the same time causing the pile of newspapers in her arms to slide to the desk and her chair below it.

Maisy hit the call button and grabbed the phone with a yawn and in a harried voice, "Danny Concannon's office. Washington Post."

"Hey, Hazy Maisy." He said in a sweet lazy tone.

"Danny!"

"To early for ya, Maisy?"

"Too late."

"Have you slept?"

"A little. I fell asleep at my desk. But, I have some coffee now so—"

"Maisy…" He scolded her in his sweet but frustrated voice.

"I was waiting for you to call." She moved her body around her desk as she pulled on the cord so as not to get tangled.

"Did I say I was gonna call?" Danny loved the girl, but sometimes she seemed too devoted to helping him out and being part of the "adventure."

"You got out?"

"Yeah." Danny laughed at the sentence that made it sound like he was the one in a war zone. Maisy sat herself down at her desk and fingered a few pages, finding her place. "I never made it to Wyoming."

"I figured. That Jared guy didn't call. I guess he just figured you bailed on 'um. "What ended up happening?"

"I got a ride from someone. I took a flight out this morning to New York, but it looks like that was fruitless…"

"So, you heard about the apartment house in Gaza?"

"Yeah….I saw the President's speech at the airport. Anything new?"

"No, nothing new's really being released just yet." Maisy looked up at the television suspended from the ceiling and the wall. "Press Conference should start in about an hour."

"Yeah, I better get to a television- Oh, wait, I'll just watch it on my laptop. I'm good."

"You talk to Josh Lyman?"

"Yeah, I just got off the phone with 'um." Maisy noticed the flowers Danny had sent her weeks before, as a thank you for her Pulitzer help, were just about dead and laid her fingers along the brown petals. She looked at the flowers with despair at the loss of their beauty. She'd need to throw them out later, but not now. "Yeah, he had nothing more than's been released…"

"She's okay, though?"

"As much as she can be... yeah." Danny quickly changed the subject. "Listen…. You hear anything, you talk to anyone, someone says anything, I don't care what it is…"

"Yeah, of course, Boss." Maisy was becoming very loyal to the man on the other end of the phone. It was hard not to. He just had that way about him.

"How is it there?" Danny asked with longing.

"Crazy." She looked around at the hustle and bustle of the fast-paced newsroom.

"Yeah." Maisy could hear a smile in Danny's voice.

"You miss it, don't you?"

"What?-The yelling, the running around like a chicken with your head cut off…yeah.." He bemused. "Yeah, I miss it."

"So, you coming back?"

"I gotta be in Seattle tomorrow. I know Terry wanted me to cover the funeral on Wednesday, but I can't." Danny's voice was one of disappointment of something he couldn't help. "This book thing got moved up…I just got the call." Danny hated it, but he made a commitment.

"Yeah, I'll tell 'um." Maisy took a post-it, wrote a note on it, and set it next to the phone.

"And I'm posting now." Maisy could hear Danny's two fingers typing away.

"Okay. Want me to tell Gordon?" She leaned on the phone, and took another post-it note, writing herself another note. Maisy was definitely a post-it note girl as her desk looked more decorated than organized, as multi-colored sticky notes adorned her cubicle.

"Yeah, do that for me." Danny was still getting used to having such a good assistant.

"Sure thing."

"Later, Maisy."

"Sounds good." Maisy and Danny both hung up and Maisy took the attention of an intern as he passed. "Hey Pete!" The boy took her eyes. "Tell Mr. McManus Danny Concannon is posting online."

Danny sat on the park bench with his laptop on his lap. Having had his trip to Wyoming canceled Danny did have the urge to go all the way home, but there was work to do for now. There's something about the smell of a misty May day. The humidity makes you hot and the breeze cools you off. It hadn't rained, but it was going to.

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO**

* * *

Danny stood in the green grass of the Colombia University campus. It was amazing to see. It was the perfect May day in New York. The perfect heat, and not so much heat, with the perfect cool breeze. Danny walked in his best brown suit and tie. The ceremony was over and people were milling around, most were inside, as the luncheon had now became a party. Danny didn't feel much like socializing.

It started all of sudden. Somewhere between the small talk, the conversations between colleagues and appetizers Danny felt alone. It was amazing how one could feel so alone in such a large group of people. Still outside, as the luncheon went on inside, Danny felt even more alone.

Danny walked around with his hands in his pockets wondering if he should take off his shoes and feel the cool grass under his feet. He remembered doing that once with CJ on the campaign and how wonderful it was. Maybe he'd just go back to the hotel - he never liked the whole shmoosing thing anyway.

Danny felt his cell phone vibrate having forgotten to turn it back on.

"Yeah." Danny answered it as he kept walking.

"Well, well. Double winner. My lord." CJ's witty voice was one he knew right away.

"CJ?"

"Why yes, it is."

"You called me?"

"Congratulations, Danny."

"Thanks."

"Did I miss anything good?"

"Good? I got an award."

"Other than that, I mean."

"No, same old same old."

"Ahh."

"Thank you for….you called?…well. It..well it means a lot."

"You're welcome. I…well I knew it would."

"Thank you."

"I don't know why you chose the brown suit?"

"Well, I'm told it looks good with my-wait? Wait." Danny stopped walking. "How do you know I'm wearing my brown suit?" He looked around.

"Keep walking, Danny." Her voice was calm and true. Danny kept walking. "Down the hill." Danny walked down the hill of steps to a lower area. "Keep going."

"I'm in front of one of the buildings, CJ?"

"Keep walking."

"Okay?"

Danny walked from the light of day into the dark school building lobby. His feet echoed on the floor as his eyes adjusted to the light. And when they focused, he saw her. CJ standing in front of him after a year of being away from her, she was there.

"CJ?" He said breathless as he flipped his phone closed. CJ did the same with her phone.

"Hi, Danny." She smiled.

"What are you doing here?" He was agog to see her.

"If anyone asks, I'm visiting my uncle. She smiled. "You look great."

"Thanks."

"No, I mean I watched the ceremony from the gates and it was hard to tell, but you lost some weight, you look good."

"Thanks. You look amazing. But you always do."

"Good. I'm glad I'm doing something right?" She joked.

"You do everything right." He smirked.

"If only flattery went a long way with me, bucko." She flirted back.

"It's so great to see you smile." He asided. CJ grinned and laughed.

"You're so bad, Danny. You can never stop flirting."

"I know." He paused. "Should I stop?"

"No." She grinned, rolling her body side to side.

Danny walked closer. CJ grinned at his presence. "You really do look good." She flipped up his tie and let it fall through her fingers.

"You need to smile more?" CJ's smile lowered as she felt Danny get to her core. Last time she denied it, and maybe it was her state of mind after the year she had been through, or his presence penetrating her. This was why she knew she shouldn't have come. But ever since her conversation with Donna, thoughts she thought she had buried were slowly coming to the surface of her mind.

"How do you know I don't smile? I think you have a fixation on this."

"I see it on TV. Does he make you smile?"

"Danny…"

"I just want you to be happy." He lowered his head and looked to the side for a moment.

"When I'm with him, yes." CJ was telling the truth, yet still lying through her teeth. She felt she had to protect them both.

"But when you're not…..?"

"The job weighs me down. It's hard." CJ's voice was clear. There was something about Danny that just made her confess everything, well almost everything.

"It's always gonna be hard, CJ."

"I know. And it's been hard in the past, but I just… It's all this bad stuff, horrible negative, terrible things and we can't stop them anymore —they won't end. We used to try and do good things and maybe we didn't always win, but we tried. Now we can't even get the chance to try. I hate that, Danny. I hate that so much. You were right, Danny. I'm not….. having fun."

"Yeah."

"…I feel weighed down by it all." CJ lowered her head and Danny pulled the hair away from her face.

"It's only natural, CJ."

"I care too much." She looked at him in the eyes.

"I know." He said softly.

"I need to get over that."

"No, you don't."

"I don't sleep."

"Either do I."

"I mean most often."

"I know."

"The little things bother me." She felt ashamed of that, but Danny knew she shouldn't.

"Yeah, they should. You should be scared when the little things don't."

"You can't sleep?"

"No."

"Huh? Sometimes I think we're both so dissimilar and then..."

'Then…?"

"I miss you."

"Me too. But that means a lot."

"I have to go." CJ was feeling trapped. She had said too much.

"Yeah." CJ tried to pretend she wasn't feeling his loss already.

"We can't tell anyone I was here." CJ walked away for a few steps and then faced Danny.

"I promise." He said sincerely, putting his hands in his pockets.

"You understand." She wanted him to know it wasn't him.

"I understand." He assured her.

There was a moment, as they each didn't know what to do. CJ walked away first.

"CJ?

"Yeah?"

"Tell a joke?"

"What?"

"Go back and crack a joke. Do something crazy. Something off the wall. Just remember you're great at keeping things light. You're the party that brings the life to it"

"Okay." She smiled taking in maybe the most amazing compliment she had ever been given.

"No gift, huh?" Danny joked breaking the tension of the moment. He was always good at that in the pressroom - taking CJ out of a sticky situation she wasn't ready for yet, unless of course it was something he wanted the answer to. This time Danny wasn't looking for answers, but for now, to protect maybe his own heart, he was content on taking her smile and interrupting that for now.

"I sent you flowers?" She defended herself.

"No, Carol sent me flowers.

"How-?"

"-You wouldn't send me flowers."

"I wanted to send you a cactus." She hit the word "cactus," making the word even funnier.

"Oh."

"For only the purpose to be amusing. Funny. I thought it was funny,"

"It's not."

"Why is everyone saying that?"

"Well-"

"It's a small plant. It—I thought it was funny. It's funny."

"I see why you'd think so."

"Hey."

"But, it's not."

"You want a gift."

"You're gift enough." He said breaking the banter and entering the reality of his feelings. She was there, that's all he needed.

"Thank you." She caught his eyes for a moment. "Come here." She called him over with her fingers.

"I'm not falling for that one again."

"Come HERE!" She demanded.

"Okay?" Danny moved closer to CJ and she slid her hands on his shoulders.

"Now, don't think anything of this?'

"I never do." He joked.

CJ leaned in and kissed Danny on the lips, for what was probably supposed to be a short kiss, but once they touched, CJ was a goner, as she felt the cool breeze of his kiss send shivers down her entire body. Somehow she felt her body up against the cold school halls, the shadows hiding them, as the sun beat in from the door. CJ took a breath as they parted and she let Danny rest his head on her shoulder and neck for a moment. She could feel his breath and it made her sad they would have to part soon.

* * *

**PRESENT- MEMORIAL DAY - MAY 31st - MONDAY**

* * *

CJ opened her eyes and found herself asleep on her couch. She sat up looking out for a moment unsure how she had found herself on the couch, or sleeping for that moment, as her eyes adjusted to the light. Plus this was more than a dream, it was a genuine flashback. It was something about the last few days that was making her think of Danny more and more. And the last time she saw him, just a few weeks before, and what led her to New York and Danny; again. It was soon time for the morning briefing.

* * *

**FIVE WEEKS AGO**

* * *

"So you see the list of Pulitzer winners." Josh ran his hand ran over CJ's doorway.

"Yeah. Danny." CJ couldn't help but smile.

"I wanna be happy for him. But considering what he won for."

"Yeah I know."

"Okay. I'm sending him an email. Should I-"

"Yeah, tell him I say…" CJ stopped.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm sure I'll…."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"CJ, have you been talkin' to Danny lately?" Josh asked as if he knew something.

"Why would I be talking to Danny?" CJ didn't look up at from her notes.

"Okay." Josh didn't believe her, of course. "Maybe you should—"

"Goodnight, Joshua." She didn't look up.

"I mean yourself…" He paused when he saw CJ's look. "Yeah, night. I'll be in my office." And Josh walked away.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

"We're getting creamed out there..." CJ told Toby as they walked down the corridor.

"Yeah."

"CNN is running a piece tonight on the last minute edits to the president's address."

"I take it they're not praising his sensible moderation. "

"I hope it's not unanimous…."

CJ and Toby stopped their walk.

"What do you think?"

"The whole country is waiting for the President to carpet bomb Gaza, I think it's a good sign he hasn't done it yet."

CJ left Toby in the corridor on her way to her office, passing Josh's office in the process. She paused in her steps. CJ took a look into Josh's empty office as she remembered her conversation with him. Her thoughts were to Donna and then to Josh. What he was going through. Well, back to work. No time to be nostalgic. It was taking too much time already. Had to stop. Had to stop bringing up the past. Yet she just couldn't stop. She looked down at her briefing notes and continued her walk from the pressroom back to her office.

* * *

**FOUR WEEKS AGO**

* * *

Josh sat at his desk as CJ sat back in her own chair, holding the phone to her ear.

"So what do you think of the new NSA chick?" CJ asked.

"Who Colonel Clink?" Josh answered on his side of the phone only a few feet away in his own office. This was a habit they had developed around the second year.

"Who?"

"Hogan's Heroes!"

"Sorry, I'm not as in to my classic television as you are?" She said with sarcasm.

"She seems okay. Wouldn't want to be locked in a room with her. Oh, wait I was." He did a fake laugh.

"Yeah, well, we all have our crosses to bear…."

"Oh, speaking of our crosses to bear…or Christians of any sort…"

"Well actually Jesus was Jewish.."

"Yeah, I think I got the memo on that one….I got an email from Danny. He's going to New York alone…"

"He **is** an adult Josh…."

"No for the Pulitzers… his family has… you know… a thing back home…. and he doesn't have anyone and… so he'll be there alone. It didn't seem fair."

"Oh…"

Carol walked in and sat a salad and water in front of CJ. CJ adjusted the phone for a moment and thanked Carol with a mouthed thank you. Carol smiled and walked out.

"You going?"

"To the ceremony. Why? And oh where, oh where will I fit the time in between my facials and botox injections."

"You get botox?" Josh joked.

"Josh…!"

"No, I just thought since two reporters from the corp won, another a nominee…."

"Two reporters in my corp, I don't recall seeing Danny here recently, have you?"

"No, not since May, no..… but what I'm saying…"

"What are you saying, Josh?" She insinuated.

"He was a reporter here for what he won the damn thing for…."

"Do I need to remind you what he won it for-We've had this discussion. What are you getting at Josh?" She prodded him again, but she knew what he was getting at.

"He's alone."

"You're kidding right? This is a joke?"

"Nooo."

"Josh!"

"He's alone."

'You know I'd come over to your office and hit you over the head if I wasn't eating my lunch and… I wasn't so damn lazy… right now… because usually I'm told I have the energy of a jumping bean…a **hot** one I might add…from Gua-te-**mala**" She joked, but yet it seemed like a defense as CJ was always trying to look her best in front of everyone, especially the boys. She never liked looking incapable or unintelligent. It just one of her many complexes at the moment.

"I was gonna say…" Josh smirked.

"-So don't be waving that stick at me…

"Whoa…what about a stick….'cause if I was waving a stick at you I think you'd know."

"Josh…!"

"Change the subject?"

"Please, oh please..." She drowned at him as she opened her salad and started picking at it with her fork.

"How's things with you and Ben?"

CJ gave a cross look to the phone and hung up on Josh.

"I think I just got my answer." Josh spoke to the phone and hung it up.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

"How is she?" CJ stood above her desk with concern in her voice and fear in her gut. She smiled with distress and love as she sat down in her desk chair listening to Josh speak of Donna's well being. "Can I talk to her?" CJ asked sweetly. "…But she really is alright?" She asked again to be sure. CJ heard Josh's joking, but looked toward the television as she turned to business at hand. "Have you seen the news?" CJ barely heard Josh's answer. "Do think we need to…." CJ's face read of confusion. "Invasion? … Josh?" CJ asked as she only received silence. " Josh?" She asked again. "Hello?"

* * *

**FOUR WEEKS AGO**

* * *

CJ's cell phone rang and she picked it up.

"Hello?" CJ spoke into the phone, but there was silence. "Hello?" Again there was silence. CJ looked down at the number she never put in her address book because that meant he got in again, that maybe he never left and she so wanted to shake him free, at least that's what she told herself. But if this were true a certain fish would have no place on her desk. It was Danny.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

"So that's it?" CJ asked Toby as she tapped her cell phone with her fingernails and took a gaze at Gail for a moment.

"Yeah." Toby stood up and caught CJ's eyes on the fish, which caused CJ to focus back on her notes.

"I'll…." She flipped through some notes. "Ahh…brief this at two…"

"Yeah."

"Great." CJ made a note. "Sounds good?" she seemed distracted.

Toby looked at her in the doorway and looked around for a moment.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little… flustered?" CJ wasn't sure she got the right word for the situation, yet it fit. It still seemed wrong.

"Yeah." He paused and looked at his feet for a moment. Part of Toby felt guilty for how happy he felt for Andy's safe return. Her safe return, that which was only due to those who weren't so lucky. "You read Danny's memoriam to Fitz?"

"Yeah." She flipped through a few pages, still not looking at Toby as she spoke. "I think it was the first time something Danny wrote wasn't on the front page."

"It was good."

"Everything Danny writes is good." She threw it off as if she felt mad on how good he was; if he wasn't so good, so smart, so funny, perhaps….

"I'm just saying, it was a nice goodbye."

"Yes, it was." CJ took Toby's eyes with all sincerity. She'd miss the man also. "Don't feel guilty, Toby."

"Yet I do." He bobbed on his feet looking up for a moment.

"Don't,"

"I can't, it's in my…nature.' He laughed.

"You feel guilty, Josh feels guilty, the President feels guilty. You feel guilty 'cause it wasn't Andy…I feel guilty…" she threw the last of her thought off. "We shouldn't feel guilty. We can't change the past. Don't feel guilty." CJ seemed to be talking to herself as she spoke. CJ of all people was never good at not feeling guilty for her actions.

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"Nothing..." She went back to her work.

"CJ?"

"I wasn't so nice to Donna… we had a thing… I mean…" She looked off. "We… made up before she left—I think? But…." CJ stood up and lowered the volume on her television. She didn't need to, she just needed something to do.

"But what?"

"She touched a nerve in me and instead of lashing out at myself… I… I guess I lashed out at her."

"I'm sure she knows."

"Yeah." CJ didn't feel so convinced.

"Well, I have to go teach the President how to throw a curve ball." He wavered between leaving and staying, waiting for a sign from CJ.

"How appropriate." CJ smirked.

"Yeah." Toby gave a small laugh, which sounded more like a breath.

"Good luck with that." She said sarcastically.

CJ walked back over to her desk as Toby left her side. CJ sat down with a gust of air and took a heavy breath as she looked over all of her memos and notes in front of her and thought of her task at hand. CJ moved her chair closer and looked to her left, sliding a few papers aside to reveal the obituary section of the paper and the Admiral's picture starring back at her next to Danny's byline. After she felt she stared at Danny's name for too long, she slid the papers back over the article and after a moment of reflection returned to her work. After a moment CJ looked up in a stress filled frustration.

"Carol!"

* * *

**FOUR WEEKS AGO**

* * *

"Yeah." Carol walked into the office.

"I don't see the information on the thing on Friday."

"The lockdown?"

"Yeah, that… whatever that was…"

"What?"

"Nothing. I thought they finally sent down the statement?"

"They did, but it had to be cleared?"

"It wasn't cleared when they sent it down!"

"I got it and then they took it back?"

"Yeah, okay… when they get back I want to speak with Butterfield."

"Yeah." Carol started to leave. "Oh, and you need to finish the seating for the New York trip."

"Yeah, bring it in, I'll do it now." CJ took a bite of her salad.

"Hey, Carol." CJ heard Josh's voice and she perked her head up.

"You hung up on me." Josh said as he entered her office.

"I'm sorry, did I do that?" She said with her smiling brand of sarcasm.

"CJ…." He laughed.

"Sure, sure, I wish he wasn't alone" She leaned down and whispered. " I wish I wasn't alone…" She threw off the last sentence, but it was the most meaningful of what she said as she looked back at her work in front of her.

"You're not alone, CJ?" Josh asked.

"Huh?" She looked up from her work.

"Aren't you still dating Ben?" Josh insinuated.

"Yeah…"

"I guess not for long." Josh put his hands in his pockets.

"I don't know…"

"Really…."

CJ gave him eyes and a head bob like Josh should close the door behind him, and he did. CJ walked in front of her desk and sat on the edge of it.

"You ever feel like your just trying to substitute one thing for another?"

"Like lima beans for meatloaf."

"What?"

'I remember once my mother was talkin' about becoming a vegan…. or vegetarian..or I don't know…whatever-anyway she said instead of eating meat they were telling her she could substitute protein by eating combinations of certain kinds of beans…lima beans for meat loaf-that's what I called it…Never made sense to me."

"Okay? Yeah….I just…you know what, never mind…you're not the person I should be talking to this about…." CJ felt her situation was becoming a little to close to home for Josh. Just like Donna was the wrong person to talk about this with, so was Josh. In fact she didn't think there was anyone in the White House she cold talk to about this.

"No… no. I want to help. I do."

"No, I'll just figure it out by myself." She tried to sound positive in order to push Josh off the subject.

"CJ, I want you to be happy, but if this guy isn't right for you…."

'We were together for seven years, I've known him for over fifteen years, everyone always said we looked great together…" She trailed off.

"Yeah, back when Paula Abdul had her old nose, and I wore acid washed jeans, CJ…!"

"I was so in love with him back then…" she seemed to mutter to herself.

"Yeah, and you're not that girl anymore, CJ? You're not even the same woman you were five years ago." Josh smiled at how much his friend had grown.

CJ looked at Josh as if he hit her in the head with a frying pan.

"No, I guess I'm not." She said softly. "But…"

"But, what CJ?"

"You know… thanks… I'm good. I just need to sort out a few things on my own, okay."

"Yeah, sure." Josh made his way toward the door. "I'm here if you need me." He motioned with his thumb toward his office.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

CJ brought her attention back to her work. She had to focus on her work. Important things were going on, important things were happening, and she couldn't focus. What was wrong with her? Donna was fine, not great, but she was alive, which was more than could be said of the not so lucky. She tried not to look at Danny's article lying underneath her work, which just so happened to be the information for Admiral Fitzwallace's funeral on Wednesday. It was all so formal, all so set, all so polished for the end of a great life and a great man. Still, her thoughts were of Danny, why Danny, she thought? In times like these, thoughts of loved ones permeate one's mind. Yet she didn't think of Ben, she thought of Danny. She thought of Josh and Donna, but somehow Danny always entered the equation. Somehow her subconscious was making a parallel her conscious mind didn't understand yet.

"I'll be right back!" Carol yelled as she exited her outer office.

"What?" CJ looked up hearing Carol, but really not.

* * *

**THE DAY OF THE PULITZERS**

* * *

"Carol, I'll be right back." CJ walked out of her office with a coat and a bag as if she was leaving for the day, passing Carol as she held the phone. She was determined, and in a bit of another world.

"Okay…?"

"No, I won't." CJ walked back into her office.

"Be right back?"

"Yeah?" CJ stopped at the door to her office.

"You don't look so sure?"

"I'm not." She turned around and looked toward the exit.

"Okay?"

"No, no. I'm not." She looked back toward her office.

"Okay?"

"I am a woman who has a job…" She looked at Carol.

"Yes."

"I can't just run off to New York….just 'cause I…."

"CJ?"

"Yes…"

"You didn't finish your sentence there?" Carol looked at her almost worried for her health.

"Yeah…." CJ looked off in thought.

"See, you did it again there."

"I can't go." She said to convince herself.

"Okay?"

"No, I will…"

"Okay?"

"No, I'm not…" She shook her head. "No, yes I am." CJ walked out of her office and into the bullpen looking very determined as Carol followed close behind. "No, no, no." CJ walked back into Carol's office muttering to herself. "No, no. I am not that kind of woman. Shake it off, shake it off." She shook her hands and took a breath, but still stood in the center of Carol's office. "Okay, I'm going…I am... I should…" she took a step. "No, no. What am I doing? They don't need me in New York. I don't have to go."

"CJ?" CJ didn't answer. "CJ!"

"Yes…" CJ looked up at Carol.

"He's alone."

CJ stopped and looked at Carol.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

"CJ?" CJ didn't answer. "CJ?"

"What yeah?" CJ looked up.

"Thought I lost ya there for a minute." Toby joked.

"No, still here, what's up?" She shook her head as if tossing her hair and took a breath. CJ noticed Toby's eyes hit her television. "What?" CJ took her gaze toward the television and her focus softened as they looked at the television. CJ rose to attention in mind and body. Toby reached for the phone.

* * *

**COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY - THREE WEEKS AGO**

* * *

They broke from their kiss, knowing it was a break for good.

"I have to go." She said sweetly and softly. Her voice was full of emotion.

Danny took a step back, "Yeah." Danny's eyes grew wet and he looked away.

CJ walked away with a lowered head.

"CJ?" Danny yelled back at her.

"Yeah."

"If I'm not back in awhile…."

"When are you coming back?"

"Soon."

"I see."

"I have this book tour most of the summer and…"

"September."

"Yeah? Right now I plan on it."

"Best laid plans."

"Yes, but if I don't."

"Yeah."

"I'm always thinkin' about you."

CJ smiled.

"I know."

"And I will be back."

"I have the book to prove it." She smiled. "Good-bye, Danny."

"Goodbye, CJ." Danny said sweetly and CJ gave a goodbye with her eyes before walking away.

"CJ!" She turned her head. "Smile."

"I promise."

CJ walked out the door and into the bright light, almost fading away into the bright whiteout compared to the dark dimness of the lobby.

* * *

"And our last announcement. Oh yes… Our own Danny Concannon has won, yet another Pulitzer. I guess he needed bookends." CJ spoke behind the podium. " The reporters laughed.

Yes, Katie." CJ pointed at her.

"CJ, even after….well… what his article was about—you're still congratulating him-?" Katie asked.

"Yes, we're not so pleased as to what the article was about-but we are still very pleased for his achievement." She spoke in Press Secretary mode. "The President and all of us send him out warmest congratulations." She paused and looked up from her papers. "And we wish him a fast and safe return." She took a breath. "I'll start the questioning-?

"CJ! CJ! CJ! CJ!" rang through the room.

* * *

Danny held onto to the carry-on, which held his laptop, looking up at the television in the terminal and then up at his gate number.

It was time to board the plane. He thanked the man behind the counter for changing the channel for him and began walking down the hallway to his new destination, only thinking of her. If only he knew this time she was indeed thinking of him.

**Song: **She Will Have Her Way (Neil Finn)

_I might be old but I'm someone new she said  
I'm so sore that I could cry always  
in the night lay your tired arms  
she will have her way  
somehow I will still believe her  
it's the life I've been frightened of she said  
deathly silence and especially the dark  
feels like I am heavy and my spirit has died  
she will have her way  
somehow I will still believe her  
she will have her way  
one day I will come back  
still no end in sight  
though I travel far and wide  
a dying man is doing time  
thinker, soldier terrified  
and she will have her way  
somehow I will still believe her  
she will have her way  
one day I will come back_

The television was turned from CJ to static and then went to black

* * *

**END OF SEASON FIVE **


End file.
